.

Morals question, help needed PLEASE

Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
edited April 2007 in General Discussion
I am wondering what everyone's feelings are about when a couple is getting a divorce and at what point the marriage "is over" and the persons involved are ok to date others.

I have always believed that if a person was married then they where off limits. I would not date a girl that was still married, no exceptions. If two people decide that they no longer want to be married to each other, for whatever reason, that is fine and they should not feel ashamed, I know some here will not agree with that.

I am wondering however, what about if they are living in separate houses and the papers have been filled.

Be kind but be honest please.

Thanks
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Comments

  • RockatanskyRockatansky Member Posts: 11,175
    edited November -1
    depends on your geographical location, in some places marriage between a man and a woman isn't recognized anymore, if you're in one of those places you're in the clear [:p].

    seriously, if they live in different houses and papers are filed ,i wouldn't worry about it much, they aren't married anymore, they are just going through state's bureaucracy.
  • Ray BRay B Member Posts: 11,822
    edited November -1
    When the final order is filed, THEN they are single again.
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    Great 2 replies so far and it's 50/50 [:o)][;)]
  • cmd66cmd66 Member Posts: 1,418 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    What, ya mean you can't date other people when your married. No wonder I'm alway's in trouble, and wore out.[:D]
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    Its usually up to the people involved to decide that question...What is right for one is not always right for the other person...

    If they are living apart, then in "society's eyes" the marriage would be over ....

    A marriage can be over, and the persons living apart BUT in the same house, so again its up to the individual person..


    My own opinion?...Living separate lives, in separate homes, then fine...date whoever/whatever you want...I have known ppl living in the same house who are completely divorced but for monetary reasons, or cant sell the house, they both live in it...
    In all honesty, its up to you and the kids(if you have any) and your feelings on the matter...
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by cmd66
    What, ya mean you can't date other people when your married. No wonder I'm alway's in trouble, and wore out.[:D]


    Date no, but have "fun" sure as long as you don't want any kind of serious relashionship.


    Remember "Guns don't kill people, husbands that come home early kill people" [:o)] [}:)] [:p]
  • bpostbpost Member Posts: 31,153 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    If it for raw sex then it is OK unless children are in the house. If you are dating before the ink is dry on the settlement you are simply asking for a disaster of major proportions.
  • jimbowbyjimbowby Member Posts: 3,496
    edited November -1
    [8D]--Figure, generaly, without legal contentions, single-6 months after the Divorce filing date--

    --[:D][:D]--JIMBO
  • 1911a1-fan1911a1-fan Member Posts: 51,193 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    man did you come to the wrong place for morals


    if it is over, it is over, a marriage licence does not make it any less or more at this point{not a from legal standpoint of course}, if a man and woman has lived together for say ten years would it be ok to date her?, well no should be the answer, in some cases as in your the marriage license has become a mere piece of paper
  • k.stanonikk.stanonik Member Posts: 2,170 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    You asked so here is my response. They may be living apart and the papers are filed, doesnt mean it is over. give her some time after the ink drys then give it a shot, you never know your dating her could be a revenge thing towards the husband. or on the other hand they could decide to try again for some strange reason befor it all goes befor the judge. People can be very strange durring this time and anything can happen.
  • duckhunterduckhunter Member Posts: 7,615 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Go for it before "they" get away. You are not the only dog on the block.
  • Colt SuperColt Super Member Posts: 31,007
    edited November -1
    I can give you an anecdote:

    Once, when I was married I slept with (accidentally - very long story) a woman whose divorce was not final, although they were living apart. I wound up divorced, broke, and remarried to the woman I had been sleeping with.

    Biggest mistake of my life.

    Morally - wrong

    Ethically - wrong

    Religiously - wrong

    Practically - wrong

    Socially - wrong.

    Don't do it, my friend.

    Doug
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by 1911a1fan
    man did you come to the wrong place for morals




    I'm hoping that out of 40139 members here that 5-10 will have some morals. [:p]
  • 1911a1-fan1911a1-fan Member Posts: 51,193 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Smokeeater 38
    quote:Originally posted by 1911a1fan
    man did you come to the wrong place for morals




    I'm hoping that out of 40139 members here that 5-10 will have some morals. [:p]








    we all have dreams{lol}

    this thread reminds me of one of them movies where the guy has a devil on one side of his shoulder, and an angel on the other[:D]

    DO her!

    NO

    YES
  • dcon12dcon12 Member Posts: 30,835 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Smokeeater 38
    I'm hoping that out of 40139 members here that 5-10 will have some morals. [:p]



    I have em, just don't use em. Don
  • Mk 19Mk 19 Member Posts: 8,170
    edited November -1
    Don't do it:
    1) She is not divorced yet
    2) your nothing but a rebound guy
    3) stay away if she has kids, it's bad for the kids to see Mom with a new guy so soon after her divorce
  • ElMuertoMonkeyElMuertoMonkey Member Posts: 12,898
    edited November -1
    Smokeeater,

    Separate homes + paperwork already filed = fair game.

    I don't think there's anything immoral about dating someone who has recently divorced. And if the whole "rebound" issues is a concern, just take it slow.
  • tomahawktomahawk Member Posts: 11,826
    edited November -1
    not until the judge signs the papers,or there is a possibility you may face him in court. remember what god has joined together let not man put asunder. what if at the last minute they reconcile? wanna be his enemy for life? do unto others as you would have others do unto you [;)]
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    No kids, thankfully and I'm single.

    So that helps quite a bit.
  • tomahawktomahawk Member Posts: 11,826
    edited November -1
    maybe then things are simplified, ask her husband if it would bother him, he might not even care. kids make all the difference[8D]
  • joeaf1911a1joeaf1911a1 Member Posts: 3,340
    edited November -1
    Sorry guy. Cant help you. Been married (and faithfull) for over 58 years. So maybe im a dinasour from the dark ages.
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by joeaf1911a1
    Sorry guy. Cant help you. Been married (and faithfull) for over 58 years. So maybe im a dinasour from the dark ages.


    What is your secret. You must be doing something right.
  • bigtirebigtire Member Posts: 24,800
    edited November -1
    If the divorce has been filed, Go for it.
  • spurgemasturspurgemastur Member Posts: 5,655
    edited November -1
    To my way of thinking, when two people know it's over, it's over. Even if the divorce papers haven't yet been filed, let alone completed.

    Still, it's not a good idea. If the not-quite-divorced person is not quite divorced then they may still have second thoughts. More important, they're damaged goods. Not forever, but for a while. It takes time to get over a divorce. In that case, sport sex is morally questionable on the part of the non-divorcee and a lasting relationship is unlikely for either.

    On the other hand, my ex-wife was dating her new husband before she even bothered to file the papers and they're still together, 13 years later.

    I don't think this question comes with easy answers.
  • Warpig883Warpig883 Member Posts: 6,459
    edited November -1
    Damn I thought this thread was about mushrooms[:I]
  • spasmcreekspasmcreek Member Posts: 38,925
    edited November -1
    the ex or almost ex may have guns & a bad attitude, or maybe the cover is better looking than the goods....so many fish in the ocean........
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    One of my good friends, I was in his wedding, meet a girl that was married to someone else at the time. He then got her pregnant before she was divorced, this was an oops. They lived together after she was divorced then got married and had a second kid. This was probably 15 years ago and as far as I know they are still very happy.

    Her ex was a tool.
  • sotheresothere Member Posts: 1,414 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    No Kids? Feel free to ruin your life.130K in child support is gonna end in June.Don't take it personally,I'de say it to anyone.Not bitter,Just used.Have a nice day.
  • tomahawktomahawk Member Posts: 11,826
    edited November -1
    id not like to be them when they meet their maker[V]
  • D1D1 Member Posts: 11,412
    edited November -1
    Separated. Living apart. Papers filed. Ready. Mount!
  • zipperzapzipperzap Member Posts: 25,057
    edited November -1
    Yep - it just depends.[8D]
  • moonshinemoonshine Member Posts: 8,471
    edited November -1
    Beleave me doug wilson has it right,do nothing until all of the papers are final.[8][8]
  • victorlvlbvictorlvlb Member Posts: 5,004
    edited November -1
    If I were you, I make a bee line for some single gals. You don't need to get involved in other peoples troubles. If you date a person long enough you will get a good idea of what there really like.
  • mr_floppymr_floppy Member Posts: 1,090 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My Sister dated a smooth talking double dealer that was separated for 1 year and had papers filed for a year. She did break it off from him and he still calls. He's had a petition filed for close to 3 years now. Still legally married. I call him the grifter.
  • BHAVINBHAVIN Member Posts: 3,490
    edited November -1
    I would say no. Not until it is legally over. If you have to ask and are wondering about it then I bet you already know the right answer. May not be the most popular answer but it is the best one.
  • SAW2BSAW2B Member Posts: 49 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Hey Doug,

    Nice anecdote to share...if I'm not mistaken you have other family members who post on GB.
  • 41 nut41 nut Member Posts: 3,016
    edited November -1
    Divorce is not final until they have been before the judge and he has set the marrage aside. Then and only then is the marriage over. Once the final papers are signed it is ok to start dating her. Before that there is a posibility that they will get back togther. Besides that until the final papers are signed they are still married. But thats only my 1 1/2 cents worth. What do I really know about it having been married nearly 38 years to the same woman.
  • k.stanonikk.stanonik Member Posts: 2,170 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    As posted in a earlier post , things are looking pleak for another recociliation with my wife and i, my attorney stressed to me that while things are in the works DO NOT be seen with other women in public or other wise without a group of friends, if i do this will give the other party good grounds and used against in court, I dont know the situation surrounding your interests situation but it could very well be used by her husbands lawyers for grounds and risk any reasonable settlement she may be entitled to and later on she might turn that against you. This is experience speaking and just something to think about.
  • Smokeeater 38Smokeeater 38 Member Posts: 2,735
    edited November -1
    38 replies and 329 reads!!!!!

    I was not sure if this would get much interest or not.

    Update:

    We have known each other for years. Even before she meet her husband. Tonight we went out for dinner and then went and saw the movie Wild Hogs, Starring: Tim Allen, John Travolta, Martin Lawrence, William H. Macy. This is a great movie if you like the guys in it.

    I was good and dropped her off at her place and went home by myself. I keep telling myself only public places. I don't know if this is going to keep happening this way much longer. [;)]

    I'm glad for all of the responses I've gotten. I think I knew before I posted what I wanted to do, OK I KNEW what I wanted to do. [}:)] I just needed to get others ideas on it.
  • Horney toadHorney toad Member Posts: 1,769 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Just don't get caught porkin her.
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