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Court Quotes- funny
kissgoodnight
Member Posts: 4,064 ✭✭✭
These are things people actually said in court, word for word,
taken down and now published by court reporters. How did they keep
from laughing while these were all taking place?
____________________________________________
Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give
your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself."
____________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
____________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
____________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
____________________________________________
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
____________________________________________
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
____________________________________________
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
____________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
____________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
____________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
____________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________________________________________
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: OK.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
____________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
____________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I've been doing it for years.
____________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
taken down and now published by court reporters. How did they keep
from laughing while these were all taking place?
____________________________________________
Judge: "Well, Sir, I have reviewed this case and I've decided to give
your wife $775 a week."
Husband: "That's fair, your honor. I'll try to send her a few bucks
myself."
____________________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
____________________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
____________________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
____________________________________________
Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.
____________________________________________
Q: Did you blow your horn or anything?
A: After the accident?
Q: Before the accident.
A: Sure, I played for 10 years. I even went to school for it.
____________________________________________
Q: Trooper, when you stopped the defendant, were your red and blue
lights flashing?
A: Yes.
Q: Did the defendant say anything when she got out of her car?
A: Yes, sir.
Q: What did she say?
A: What disco am I at?
____________________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
____________________________________________
Q: So the date of conception of (the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
____________________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?
____________________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition
that I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________________________________________
Q: All your responses must be oral, OK?
A: OK.
Q: What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
____________________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
____________________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: Yes, I've been doing it for years.
____________________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for
pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
practicing law somewhere.
Comments
Get the job done and come home safe guys.
I rush in where others flee.
I am confused at times.We park on driveways anddrive on parkways.
NRA ENdowment, CRPA Life, NRA ILA EVC, Past President NRA Members Council
Quod principi placuit legis habet vigorem. Semper Fidelis
He was accused of trying to steal the T-Top from a sports car.
His lawyer said he needed the T-top for his car so he could look for a job.
He was also accused of being armed at the time as they found a firearm he admitted was his in the bushes near the car. (He saw the cop car comming & tried to walk away.)
The prosecutor said he threw it there when he saw the cop car but he maintained he put it there before he tried to break into the car so that "I wouldn't have to shoot anybody if they tried to stop me." and this was the basis his lawyer was using to claim it was not an armed burglary.
Worst of all, when we left for the evening after we started deliberations his lawyer tried to talk to one of the alternates to get his opinion of what he thought of the case. I know it sounds hard to believe but it took most of two days to get a verdict. It can be very frustrating especially when someone insists on playing the race card.
I have been on one federal jury, two criminal juries & two civil juries. The deliberation process is usually something you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy as you suddenly discover that twelve different people sat through twelve different trials.