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For Retirees Only!

AlpineAlpine Member Posts: 15,052 ✭✭✭✭
edited January 2006 in General Discussion
Retirees: The Whole Truth, Nothing But...


Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch.

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes.

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answers : They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answers: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with?
Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth.
?The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.?
Margaret Thatcher

"There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
Mark Twain
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    zipperzapzipperzap Member Posts: 25,057
    edited November -1
    [:D][:D][:D]Good one!

    Here's my contribution ... while we are on the subject!

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    He DogHe Dog Member Posts: 50,956 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
    Answer: I know that the day after I throw out the stuff I have not needed in 34 years, I will need three items.
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    Henry0ReillyHenry0Reilly Member Posts: 10,878 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by He Dog
    Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
    Answer: I know that the day after I throw out the stuff I have not needed in 34 years, I will need three items.


    I had saved every check I ever wrote. Two moves ago I decided enough was enough and I burned everything more than 2 years old except for tax forms.

    Sure as heck, just last week I was wishing I had some of those cancelled checks when I found out the pathology lab my doctor uses has been double billing everyone for years.
    I used to recruit for the NRA until they sold us down the river (again!) in Heller v. DC. See my auctions (if any) under username henryreilly
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    COLTCOLT Member Posts: 12,637 ******
    edited November -1
    ...never take naps, awake 18-20 hrs. a day

    ...all day to get around to it, 3 min. to change it

    ...true

    ...not old enough for the discount

    ...nope, boots

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    ...true

    ...VERY TRUE!

    ...true

    ...true

    ...nope, have too much I want to do, but now, at my own pace

    ...true

    ...nope, don't miss many people

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    zipperzapzipperzap Member Posts: 25,057
    edited November -1
    [:D][:D][:D]
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    He DogHe Dog Member Posts: 50,956 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:...not old enough for the discount

    And have you noticed how "senior" has gone from 55 to 60?

    At lunch one day where my dad worked, one of the retired guys had come back to visit. He was by this time in his late 70's. One of the younger guys asked how old you have to be before it doesn't work any more. The old guy said, "Well, I dunno, ya gotta ask someone a lot older than me."

    That is what we are working for Bloviator!
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    COLTCOLT Member Posts: 12,637 ******
    edited November -1
    He Dog, I know, it bites. The retirement age if working for a Co., seems to go up, and up some more. [:(] The only "senior" anything I'm elgable for is AARP! All they want to do is take my money and give it to the Libs...and make Harry Belefonte man of the year...[xx(]

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    pickenuppickenup Member Posts: 22,844 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
    Answer: Tied shoes.
    I don't think so, that is what Velcro is for.
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    wundudneewundudnee Member Posts: 6,101 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    On that sleeping thing, I just eat until I get sleepy, then sleep til I get hungry.

    I don't miss the work, or the people, but I sure miss that broadband.

    Everyday is Saturday.

    The down side of retirement is you never get a holiday day off.

    [:D]
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