I give up - at least tonight

mrmike08075

Did my wound care treatment on the radiation burn and pressure wound...

Did my hour of physical recovery therapy...

Mostly stretching and resistance work and isometric exercises

Range of motion and core muscle work on the abdominal region

I am in pain and fatigued and nauseous and lightheaded

Despite the meds I take the pain is bad and the nausea and vertigo worse

Could not keep down the small amount of food I had for dinner - spent a good 10 minutes vomiting and dry heaving

Had to crawl to the couch and had trouble getting up to lay down

I have to wait about 90 minutes until I can take any more meds

I am turning off the TV and the lights and lying here for awhile

The did warn me this would be hard.

Mike

remingtonoaks

Hope you feel better soon bud

Ditch-Runner

I can not imagine and honestly hope I never have too endure what you are going thru

I can just say hang tough you have made it well beyond what they thought just keep pushing thru
we are all here for you not much comfort in the pain department but sure wish we could help ease it for you

mrmike08075

Yes I am "getting better" and should be grateful for it

Yes I have gained back much of the weight lost

Yes even though it looks like a drunk with a chainsaw cut me almost in half from groin to small of back the abdominal would has closed and is healing

Yes I advanced enough to get discharged from visiting nurse home care physical therapy

Yes I finally forced them to allow me to do outpatient physical recovery therapy

Yes most of the weeping open unhealed skin lesions from the radiation and chemo have dried and closed

Yes other than the big toes the nails have grown back and look normal instead of filled with blood (we won't talk about the big toe nails)

Yes my hair is growing again and my gums don't bleed anymore

I can do a checklist of now versus October or September and show a marked improvement

I have lived with the pain for a long time and will survive the new pain that physical therapy will bring for the foreseeable future

But sometimes when the pain and fatigue and nausea get to me

And I think about how much time I have lost to the fight and how much time still must be spent on recovery

And sometimes my facade shatters and I hate what my life has become

Today has been a rough day.

Sometimes getting off the stool in the corner and back in the ring again when the bell rings is not so easy

I miss who I was and grieve what has been lost.

Mike