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Things that should make you go "hmmm"

greeker375greeker375 Member Posts: 3,644
edited June 2005 in General Discussion
Can you cry under water?

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches?

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round?

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America?

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call?

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!"

Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?

Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?

Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?

Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window.

That's all folks, hope ya have a great day!





"the difference between the almost right word and the right word is like the difference between a lightning bug and a lightning bolt" - Mark Twain.

Comments

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    Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    LOL!!!! This sounds like some G.Carlin stuff years back[:D][:D][:D]

    JBoss......Fear No Fish/peace through superior firepower/If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier!!!!!!!!!A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.
    --- Sigmond Freud
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    greeker375greeker375 Member Posts: 3,644
    edited November -1
    I don't know who penned this stuff, but, GC was on my mind when I read the one on hemroids and morality.





    "the difference between the almost right word and the right word is like the difference between a lightning bug and a lightning bolt" - Mark Twain.
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    n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    I buy Pickle Loaf, and Spiced Ham lunch meat,, and they are Square...[;)]

    yo-yo.gif
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    BOBBYWINSBOBBYWINS Member Posts: 7,810
    edited November -1
    Why are there 10 weiners in a package,
    but only 8 buns[?][?]

    BW

    IT'S WHAT PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT THEMSELVES THAT MAKES THEM AFRAID.
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    select-fireselect-fire Member Posts: 69,453 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
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    Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Why do you drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

    JBoss......Fear No Fish/peace through superior firepower/If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier!!!!!!!!!A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.
    --- Sigmond Freud
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    HAIRYHAIRY Member Posts: 23,606
    edited November -1
    quote:If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Of course, it does; just listen to them preach.[;)][}:)]



    "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened." Winston Churchill

    volenti non fit injuria
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    carson0384carson0384 Member Posts: 445 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    You got me singing the song!

    "Guns don't kill people, husbands who come home early do." -Larry the Cable Guy

    "If I can't trust my self carrying my gun, I shouldn't be carrying it."
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    headzilla97headzilla97 Member Posts: 6,445
    edited November -1
    if a turtle doesnt have a shell is homeless or naked

    "Were not here for a long time were here for a good time"
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    ace22ace22 Member Posts: 544 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I had amnesia once,maybe twice
    I'd give my right arm to ambidextrous.
    I used to be indecisive;Now I'm not sure.
    It's not an optical illusion.It just looks like one.
    Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up he'll never be able to edge his car onto the freeway.
    From the mind of Steven Wright.

    I'm not a hippy!I'm a well groomed mountain man
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    Queen of SwordsQueen of Swords Member Posts: 14,355
    edited November -1
    Actually, my Uncle John likes his toast burned to a crisp. Weird, yes. But if there is one of him out there, there must be more....

    Everyone is somebody's "weirdo".
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    Henry0ReillyHenry0Reilly Member Posts: 10,878 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by greeker375
    If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    This question was actually addressed in a road runner cartoon once. It turns out that roasted road runner is the ultimate dining experience for a coyote.

    avitar.jpg
    Semper Fi

    Remember Ruby Ridge.

    What if there were no hypothetical questions?

    Not a member at the auction? Join Gunbroker at this link!
    I used to recruit for the NRA until they sold us down the river (again!) in Heller v. DC. See my auctions (if any) under username henryreilly
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    redrebelredrebel Member Posts: 826 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you?

    I would say yes, in the light of recent events.




    dsarms_e0.gif

    It is better to be prepared, than to be suprised.

    I'm pro choice: I choose to hunt, trap, eat meat, and wear fur.
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