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Al Gore's resume

scutascuta Member Posts: 1,086 ✭✭✭✭
edited June 2004 in General Discussion
Albert A. Gore Jr.

1600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Washington, DC 20500



Education
* Vanderbilt Law School

~ Wrote a dissertation on the Scopes Monkey Trial, which gained national recognition by proving once and for all that the monkeys were innocent.

* Harvard University

~ Won a scholarship in an essay contest, for which I composed the slogan "Beat Yale."

~ Led a student petition drive to have the school's team nickname changed to the Sentient Porpoises.



Employment History
* Vice President of the United States -- 1993 to 2001.

~ Reinvented the United States government.

~ Cast the tie-breaking vote on the 1993 budget, which triggered the greatest economic expansion in American history, and saved the nation from the worst economy in fifty years.

~ Prevented Republicans from taking school lunches from the mouths of starving children, as they were bent on doing.

* United States Senator -- 1985 to 1993

~ Fought for welfare reform, by authoring the bill I would convince President Clinton to sign, many years later.

~ Authored the Controlling Legal Authority Reform Act.

* Member of U.S. House of Representatives -- 1977 to 1985

~ Created the Earned Income Tax Credit.

~ Chaired House Subcommittee hearings on Watergate.

~ Proposed the minting of commemorative Bicentennial quarters.

* Reporter for The Tennesseean

~ Became the first reporter to interview Deep Throat, but did not publish the article, due to ethical concerns.

~ Conducted investigative report on the dietary hazard of peanut butter and banana sandwiches, which went tragically unheeded by one local celebrity.



Military History
~ Was awarded the Purple Heart, for removing a very, very hot flash bulb, while under heavy fire.

~ Conducted undercover report which exposed the infamous My Lai tragedy.

~ Uncovered ecological atrocities caused by napalm, which I discovered had been destroying the surrounding fauna and foliage.

~ Returned to Vietnam after the war, in a series of daring rescue missions, which were later recounted by Chuck Norris in the "Missing In Action" film series.



Publications
~ The Global Information Infrastructure: Agenda for Cooperation (1996) -- a plan for sharing my most famous creation with the world.

~ Common Sense Government: Works Better and Costs Less (1995) -- a proposal for reforming government, guided by the fiscal restraint for which I was famous when I served in Congress.

~ Earth in the Balance: Ecology and the Human Spirit (1993) -- a blueprint for counteracting gravity, continental drift, and other geological anomalies, through implementation of effective, common-sense policy initiatives.

Other achievements
~ Sister died.

~ Son was hit by car.

~ Dog ran away.

~ Sea monkeys didn't really do anything.




If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

"If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." The Dalai Lama

Comments

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    Gibbs505Gibbs505 Member Posts: 3,175
    edited November -1
    You forgot that he invented the internet!![:D][:D][:D]

    Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
  • Options
    scutascuta Member Posts: 1,086 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    No I didn't ...

    quote:Publications
    ~ The Global Information Infrastructure: Agenda for Cooperation (1996) -- a plan for sharing my most famous creation with the world.




    If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

    "If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." The Dalai Lama
  • Options
    Gibbs505Gibbs505 Member Posts: 3,175
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by scuta
    No I didn't ...

    quote:Publications
    ~ The Global Information Infrastructure: Agenda for Cooperation (1996) -- a plan for sharing my most famous creation with the world.




    If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

    "If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." The Dalai Lama


    I stand corrected!![8)][:I]

    Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
  • Options
    scutascuta Member Posts: 1,086 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Just re-read my last post, It wasn't my intent to come across snotty... [B)][:p]



    If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

    "If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." The Dalai Lama
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    HAIRYHAIRY Member Posts: 23,606
    edited November -1
    Why the resume? Is Bush looking for someone qualifed (finally) for his Administration before it gets it butt beaten? [:D][;)][}:)]

    Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
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    scutascuta Member Posts: 1,086 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Hairy,
    Are you saying you think Algore is qualified ??!!



    If you must burn our flag, please wrap yourself in it first.

    "If someone has a gun and is trying to kill you, it would be reasonable to shoot back with your own gun." The Dalai Lama
  • Options
    HAIRYHAIRY Member Posts: 23,606
    edited November -1
    Heck, from the performance of our politicans, ANYBODY is qualified. Me, I'm writing in Al Sharpton for President! [;)][}:)][:D]

    (That is, if the new electronic voting machines here in FL will let me do so.)

    Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
  • Options
    RaskolnikovRaskolnikov Member Posts: 45
    edited November -1
    Vote Ficus!

    Anyone but Bush '04!
  • Options
    Gibbs505Gibbs505 Member Posts: 3,175
    edited November -1
    What do you mean Qualified?

    Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it.
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    blrmkr455flamerblrmkr455flamer Member Posts: 2 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    why dont we all write in the same woman??????[:D][}:)]

    Donna Harper
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