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facing the reality of life

jarjar Member Posts: 605 ✭✭✭
edited February 2015 in General Discussion
my father passed on sunday 1/25/15 at the age o 76 after a short battle with a very aggressive cancer. I have spent the last few days going thru his affairs and making arrangements for his funeral today and cannot help but think about our past together. my dad and I spent a lot of time shooting and chasing bluetick * hounds all over this country, but with all the time we spent together there was never enough time for me to stop and tell him how much I apprieciated him and all he had tought me over the years until these last few days. I know this is something we all know but some of us don't get it until its way past due, just take the time to spend a few min and let them know , you might learn something about yourself in the process. thanks for hearing my rant.[:(]


  • Horse Plains DrifterHorse Plains Drifter Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 38,471 ***** Forums Admin
    edited November -1
    So sorry for your loss, and yes, don't wait until tomorrow because none of us are guaranteed a tomorrow.
  • nordnord Member Posts: 6,106
    edited November -1

    My deepest sympathies. Don't punish yourself for what was left unsaid. Your father was well aware and the words weren't necessary.

    In my case I had the privilege of being with my dad for the last two months of his life. In effect he became my child. I took him to the hospital on Good Friday 2003. His kidneys were failing rapidly and we both knew it. Though I think he was ready to go, he was scared and I held his hand. This single small act may have been one of the most powerful events of my life as what passed between us could never have been expressed in words. My dad passed on May 15th of that year and I was with him.

    Since my father donated his body to science and for other reasons there was no funeral. His ashes were returned to me a year later and I had the further privilege of personally burying him next to my mother. He's protected for eternity under the helmet he wore so proudly in WW2. It was all very private and personal. Placing that first shovel full of soil over his remains was possibly the most difficult thing I've ever done.

    My point in sharing this is that you obviously care deeply about your father. Both of you were facing a difficult situation for the first time. Your father leaving and you staying behind. You may look back and think of things that might have been better handled. Don't beat yourself up. You did your best under trying circumstances. If anything was overlooked, your father understands. Being a parent I truly believe that your father probably feels worse about putting you through this than you do about his loss.

    If there be any consolation in what I've shared, it's that your father left you one last gift. It, in fact, may be the greatest gift a parent could ever give a child... Strength. You'll eventually emerge from this a better man.

    God Bless.
  • guntech59guntech59 Member Posts: 23,193 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ahhhh, the words not spoken, between a father and son.

    Why is it so hard to get out a few words of thanks to our fathers?

    I am sorry for the loss of your father.
  • 1BigGuy1BigGuy Member Posts: 4,033 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Wow. Just. . .wow.

    I'm sorry for your loss, jar. (And nord).

    I need to go make a phone call.
  • Oso2142Oso2142 Member Posts: 2,940
    edited November -1
    If you appreciated him, he knew it. You see, it's not what you say, but what you do, that tells the story. Just my thoughts, FWIW.

    Anyway, very sorry for your loss. I know that I'd love to talk to my father, again, but it's too late for that, and I just have to accept it. I don't think you ever get over a loss so great as this, you just learn to live with it, or not.
  • kimikimi Member Posts: 44,741 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'm sorry to hear about the loss of your father as well. I wish that I had spent time with my Dad like you did, and that in itself I would think is the most important thing a son can do. After I left home at the age of seventeen, I only saw him for a short amount of time every few years, and nowadays, never a day goes by without me regretting that part of my life. You have my best wishes as you move forward through life the way your father would have liked it to be.
    What's next?
  • Dads3040Dads3040 Member Posts: 13,788 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sorry for your loss. I am sure your dad knew how much you cared, because of the time you spent chasing the hounds.
  • wiz1997wiz1997 Member Posts: 1,051 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Rant away any time you feel the need its part of the process I don't think anyone here will object. Lost my Dad Nov 24,'14. He'd had 4 minor strokes but the 5th got him. His birthday is Feb 5th. Would have been 90. Remember all the good things and some of the bad things that happened between you and your dad because that shaped you into the man you are. You'll begin to see more of your dad in yourself as time goes by. When I pick up a wrench I remember he taught me how to use it, when I pick up a firearm I remember he taught me how to use it. I'm in process of building a display case for his burial flag. Why build one when you can buy one? Because he taught me how to run wood working saws and the list goes on. He will always be with you. The love between a Father and son is mostly unspoken but is known through their actions. Don't recall my Dad coming out and saying "I love you son", but several times he did say " I'm proud of you son". The love part was understood.
  • skicatskicat Member Posts: 14,431
    edited November -1
    My condolences on your loss. My father is gone as well and it is never easy and you always think of things you would have done differently. Don't beat yourself up over those things. You let him know what you felt every time you said yes to him and grabbed a box of shells or whistled up the dogs.
  • MobuckMobuck Member Posts: 13,176 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I spent a lot of time with my Dad throughout my life. The only time I was more than 5 miles away for any length of time was during 1970-72 and in his later life, we were together 3-4 times a week. When he died, I was close enough to attempt CPR so I don't how much closer we could be.
    Unfortunately, there was a tremendous amount I didn't learn about him until after he died simply because he didn't want me to know. The facts would certainly have made it easier for me to understand some of his quirks and give some insight into how he treated me.
    Oh well, I'm trying not to do that with my kids. My older Son is 14 miles away and we're usually together(working or playing)every week if not every day.
  • Ditch-RunnerDitch-Runner Member Posts: 23,345 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Very sorry for the loss of your Dad .
    do not beat your self up we all have feelings of I should have after the passing of a loved one no matter how much we did.
    It sure sounds like you a relation ship many would long to have with there dad , cherish the good memories and may he RIP

    My dad passed 12 years ago we even worked together on several jobs ( working construction ) I can never remember hugging him at least after I was old enough to remember , we never spoke of love up till he had a few days left in life and told each other I still did not hug him but did hold his hand as strange as that sounds that was just how I was raised . we were never a contact , feelings type of family the men folk any way and sadly I have carried that with me into my adulthood with my sons , we knew we loved each other thru actions not words , if one of us needed any thing we were there for each other
  • shilowarshilowar Member Posts: 38,807 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I dread this day that you speak of. My Dad is 81 and every time my phone rings at an odd time with their number I wonder if this is the call. My sympathies
  • asopasop Member Posts: 8,529 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Condolences. BUT you have great memories which some of us missed out on.
  • bpostbpost Member Posts: 32,456 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I am sorry to hear of your loss; remember and cherish the good times.
  • mogley98mogley98 Member Posts: 18,310 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My father only told me he loved me once, in his world it wasn't necessary. I'm really glad we fixed that before he died.
    Why don't we go to school and work on the weekends and take the week off!
  • jarjar Member Posts: 605 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I want to thank each of you that shared your kind words, its being able to bounce your thoughts off totally impartial souls that respond with compassion and dignity that help make this time a little better. thank you all very much, steve
  • guntech59guntech59 Member Posts: 23,193 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    You are welcome.

    I am glad we could help.
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