.

Redneck joke

Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited March 2005 in General Discussion
Bubba and Earl, two rednecks from Kentucky, were in a local Wal-Mart
and
they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They b! ought fi ve
tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was
drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st place, a year's supply of
gourmet
spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti.
Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when
the
men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to
which
he said "Great, I love spaghetti!" Earl asked Bubba, "How about you?
How's
the toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba. "I reckon I'm gonna go
back
to paper.

[:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]

JBoss......Fear No Fish/peace through superior firepower/If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier!!!!!!!!!

Comments

  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    An extraordinarily handsome man decided he had the
    responsibility to marry the perfect woman so they could produce beautiful children beyond compare.

    With that as his mission he began to search for the perfect woman.

    Shortly there after he met a Redneck who had three stunning,
    gorgeous daughters that positively took his breath away.
    So he explained his mission to the Redneck and asked for permission to marry one of them.

    The Redneck simply replied, "They're lookin' to get married,
    so you came to the right place. Look 'em over and pick the one you want."

    The man dated the first daughter.
    The next day the Redneck asked for the man's opinion.

    "Well," said the man, "she's just a weeeeee bit, not that you can hardly notice...pigeon-toed."

    The Redneck nodded and suggested the man date one of the other girls; so the man went out with the second daughter.

    The next day, the Redneck again asked how things went.

    "Well,"the man replied, "she's just a weeeee bit, not that you can hardly tell...cross-eyed."

    The Redneck nodded and suggested he date the third girl
    to see if things might be better. So he did.

    The next morning the man rushed in exclaiming,

    "She's perfect, just perfect. She's the one I want to marry."

    So they were wed right away. Months later the baby was born.
    When the man visited the nursery he was horrified: the baby was
    the ugliest, most pathetic human you can imagine. He rushed to his father-in-law and asked how such a thing could happen considering the beauty of the parents.

    "Well," explained the Redneck...
    "She was just a weeeee bit, not that you could hardly tell...
    pregnant when you met her."
  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and
    >asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the

    >restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress

    >nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on

    >him.

    >The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He

    >shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for

    >a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is

    >that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to

    >give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.

    >The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches.

    >He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet

    >thang, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked

    >across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The

    >waitress nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke,

    >on my bill. As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched

    >him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the

    >strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.

    >Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your

    >kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening

    >up, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of

    >backflips out the door.

    >Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled,

    >"Don't touch me......I'm drawin' disability."


    "Sell not virtue to purchase wealth, not liberty to purchase power."
    Benjamin Franklin, 1785
    123div.gif
  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    An Irishman in a wheel chair entered a restaurant one afternoon and asked the waitress for a cup of coffee. The Irishman looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus sitting over there?" The waitress nodded "yes," so the Irishman told her to give Jesus a cup of coffee on him.
    The next patron to come in was an Englishman with a hunched back. He shuffled over to a booth, painfully sat down, and asked the waitress for a cup of hot tea. He also glanced across the restaurant and asked, "Is that Jesus over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Englishman said to give Jesus a cup of hot tea, my treat.
    The third patron to come into the restaurant was a Redneck on crutches. He hobbled over to a booth, sat down and hollered, "Hey there, sweet thang, how's about gettin' me a cold glass of Coke!" He, too, looked across the restaurant and asked, "Is that God's boy over there?" The waitress nodded, so the Redneck said to give Jesus a cold glass of coke, on my bill.
    As Jesus got up to leave, he passed by the Irishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Irishman felt the strength come back into his legs, got up, and danced a jig out the door.
    Jesus also passed by the Englishman, touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed." The Englishman felt his back straightening up, and he raised up his hands, praised the Lord and did a series of backflips out the door.
    Then Jesus walked towards the Redneck. The Redneck jumped up and yelled, don't touch me...I'm drawin' disability!!!!!"


    RUGER.jpg

    "Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote!" - Ben Franklin
  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    A guy goes to a fancy nightclub and when the bouncer won't let him in the guy asks, "Why not?"

    "Because you're not wearing a tie," says the bouncer.

    "But I have come all the way from the other end of town," says the guy.

    "Sorry mate, that's the rules," says the bouncer.

    So the guy goes back to his car to try and see if he can find a tie or something like one. He finds a set of jumper cables, ties them around himself, and goes back to the club. "Is this all right?" he asks the bouncer.

    "Well, all right then," replies the bouncer. "But I'll be watching you - don't start anything!" [:D]


    "War is God's way of teaching Americans geography." Ambrose Bierce
    Don't assume malice for what stupidity can explain.
  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    >Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces. The coroner calls the police to tell them what has
    >happened.
    >
    >Coroner tells the Inspector:
    >
    >"First body: A Frenchman, 72, died of heart failure while with his
    >mistress. Hence the enormous smile."
    >
    >"Second body: Irishman, 25, won a thousand dollars on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
    >
    >The Inspector asked, "What of the third body?"
    >
    >"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Danny Earl, the Redneck from Mississippi, 30, struck by lightning."
    >
    >"Why is he smiling then?" inquires the Inspector.
    >
    >"Thought he was having his picture taken." [:o)]

    "Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened." Winston Churchill

    volenti non fit injuria
  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    A Frenchman, an Englishman and a Redneck are captured by a _fierce_ tribe of Indians.

    The chief walks up to them and says, "I have bad news and good news. The bad news is you will all die, and we will use your skin to make canoes. The good news is you can choose the way you die."

    The Frenchman says, "I take ze poison." When given the poison, the Frenchman shouts, "Viva la France!" and drinks it down.

    The Englishman says, "A pistol for me." When given the pistol, the Englishman puts the gun to his head and shouts, "God save the queen!" and shoots himself in the head.

    The Redneck asks for a fork. Puzzled, the chief hands the Redneck a fork, and he begins stabbing himself all over his body, his stomach, his sides, his chest everywhere.

    As the blood from the redneck begins gushing out all over, the chief is appalled and screams, "What are you doing?"

    The Redneck looks at the chief and says, "So much for your canoe, Bubba!".


    The gene pool needs chlorine.
  • Jimmy BossJimmy Boss Member Posts: 1,857 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Why do Redneck murders always go unsolved?









































    Because their DNA is all the same and they have no dental records.[:0][:D]
  • glynglyn Member Posts: 5,949
    edited November -1
    Good joke made me chuckle

    Those who live by the sword will be killed by those who dont. Glyn
  • hotshoothotshoot Member Posts: 4,227
    edited November -1
    just passed it on to a few "rednecks" at work
Sign In or Register to comment.