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Something to offend everyone

A J ChristA J Christ Member Posts: 7,534
edited July 2005 in General Discussion
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade. Who has the
biggest boobs?
The blonde, because she's 18.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on
Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.

What's the Cuban National Anthem?
"Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

Why is there no Disneyland in China?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

Comments

  • A J ChristA J Christ Member Posts: 7,534
    edited November -1
    What is a Yankee?
    The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.

    What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
    The position of the dirt bag.



    Why is divorce so expensive?
    Because it's worth it.



    What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
    One US leader.




    What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
    Doughnuts.




    Why is air a lot like sex?
    Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.



    Why is Chelsea Clinton so homely?
    Because Janet Reno is her real father.



    What do you get when you put 50 lesbians and 50 politicians in a room together?
    100 people who don't do dick.




    What do you call a smart blonde?
    A golden retriever.




    What do attorneys use for birth control?
    Their personalities.




    What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?

    45 lbs.





    What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
    45 minutes.





    What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.





    Why do men want to marry virgins?
    They can't stand criticism.





    Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

    What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
    After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.





    What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.



    A brunette, a blonde, and a redhead are all in third grade.
    Who has the biggest boobs?
    The blonde, because she's 18.

    What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
    A porcupine has the gentlemans on the outside.






    What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
    "Are you sure it's mine?"



    What's the difference between Beer Nuts and Deer Nuts?
    Beer Nuts are $1, and Deer Nuts are always under a buck.





    Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
    Mace will do that to you.





    Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don't have eyes.





    Why do driver's education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
    Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


    What's the Cuban National Anthem?
    "Row, Row, Row Your Boat"

    Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
    A different bar.

    What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
    A speech impediment.





    What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-staff?
    They're hiring.

    What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
    A southern zoo has a description of the animal on thecage along with a recipe.





    How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F... word?
    Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

    What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
    A Northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..."
    A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this poop..."
    [:D][:D][:D]
  • A J ChristA J Christ Member Posts: 7,534
    edited November -1
    God went to the Arabs and said,
    'I have Commandments for you that will make your lives better.'

    The Arabs asked, 'What are Commandments?'
    And the Lord said, 'They are rules for living.'

    'Can you give us an example?'

    'Thou shall not kill.'

    'Not kill? We're not interested..'

    So He went to the Blacks and said, 'I have Commandments.'

    The Blacks wanted an example, and the Lord said,
    'Honor thy Father and Mother.'

    'Father? We don't know who our fathers are.
    We're not interested.'

    Then He went to the Mexicans and said,
    'I have Commandments.'


    The Mexicans also wanted an example, and the Lord said 'Thou shall not steal.'

    'Not steal? We're not interested.'

    Then He went to the French and said,
    'I have Commandments.'

    The French too wanted an example and the Lord said, 'Thou shall not commit adultery.'

    'Sacre bleu!!! Not commit adultery? We're not interested.'

    Finally, He went to the Jews and said,
    'I have Commandments..'

    'Commandments?' They said, 'How much are they?'

    'They're free.'

    'We'll take 10.'



    There, that should offend just about everybody.
  • alledanalledan Member Posts: 19,541
    edited November -1
  • ATFATF Member Posts: 13,304
    edited November -1
    [:0] [:0] [:0] [:0] [:0] [:0] [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D] [:D]

    Eagle_Guns.gif
    standard.jpg
    standard.jpg
    When a worm wants to relax,does he go fishing?  "And remember a wet dog doesn't fly at night"  "My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be."   ATF,Eagle Guns
  • gun_runnergun_runner Member Posts: 8,999
    edited November -1
    [:D][:D][:D][:D][:0]

    Larry
    gunanimation.gif
  • Rebel_JamesRebel_James Member Posts: 4,746
    edited November -1
    Yep. that's the way it is!!!!

    WW2Guns005.jpg

    "The Greatest Battle Implement Ever Devised!"
    -- Gen. George S. Patton
    referring to the M1 Garand
  • ElMuertoMonkeyElMuertoMonkey Member Posts: 12,898
    edited November -1
    [:D][:D][:D][:D]
  • mohawk600mohawk600 Member Posts: 2,558 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    For a variation on one of those:

    Why is air alot like sex?

    Because it's not important unless you're not getting any
  • Ray BRay B Member Posts: 11,822
    edited November -1
    What are you talking about- EVERYONE???, I see nothing there offensive to several nationalities, races, religions, or several other categories- If you're going to say everyone- your list should be complete.
  • select-fireselect-fire Member Posts: 62,692 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
  • lonegunman68lonegunman68 Member Posts: 88 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Way too funny[:D][:D][:D]

    gatling2.jpg

    "Do you shoot women and children?"
    " . . . Sometimes! "
    "How can you shoot women and children?!"
    "It's easy! You just don't lead em' as much!"
    Full metal Jacket
  • cruzie27cruzie27 Member Posts: 1,267 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    pretty funny,...ill have to tell my girlfriend about the irish vacation and the italian speech impedament [:D]BTW,.she might smack me[B)]

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  • bpostbpost Member Posts: 30,921 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Way to funny....way to true on some


    [:D][:D][:D][:)][:0][:0][:0]
  • dolfandolfan Member Posts: 4,159
    edited November -1
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