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good one
moonshine
Member Posts: 8,471
An inexperienced preacher was to hold a graveside burial service at a pauper's cemetery for an indigent man with no family or friends. Not knowing where the cemetery was, he made several wrong turns and got lost. When he eventually arrived an hour late, the hearse was nowhere in sight, the backhoe was next to the open hole, and the workmen were sitting under a tree eating lunch.
The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workman say to the other, "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."
The diligent young pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he returned to his car, he overheard one of the workman say to the other, "I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain't never seen anything like that."
Comments
quote:US Gun Statistics
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.
(Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept. of Health Human Services)
Guns
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
Yes, that is 80 million.
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.000188.
Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."
FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.
Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand!
Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
just thought you should know .......
[:o)][:o)]
Gunslinger and the Old Prospector
An old prospector walks his tired old mule into a
western town one day. He'd been out in the desert for
about six months without a drop of whiskey.
He walked up to the first saloon he came to and tied
his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there brushing
some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young
Gunslinger walked out of the saloon with a gun in one
hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed,
saying,
"Hey old man, have you ever danced?"
The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said,
"No, I never did dance. I just never wanted to."
A crowd had gathered by then and the gunslinger said,
"Well, you old fool, you're gonna' dance now," and
started shooting at the old man' s feet. The old prospector
was hopping a round and everybody was laughing.
When the gunslinger fired his last bullet, he holstered his
gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man reached up on the mule, drew his shotgun, and
pulled both hammers back making a double clicking sound.
The gunslinger heard the sound and everything got quiet.
The crowd watched as the gunslinger slowly turned around
looking down both barrels of the shotgun.
The old man asked,
"Did you ever kiss a mule square on the *?"
The gunslinger swallowed hard and said,
"No. But I've always wanted to."
The lessons from this story are:
1. Don't waste ammunition.
2. Don't mess with old guys.
Subject: THE BEST COMEBACK LINE EVER!
>
> Marine Corps General Reinwald was interviewed on the radio the other day
> and you'll love his reply to the lady who interviewed him concerning guns
> and children. Regardless of how you feel about gun laws you got to love
> this!!!! This is one of the best comeback lines of all time. It is a
> portion of a National Public Radio (NPR) interview between a female
> broadcaster and US Marine Corps General Reinwald who was about to sponsor
> a Boy Scout Troop visiting his military installation.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: So, General Reinwald, what things are you going to
> teach these young boys when they visit your base? GENERAL REINWALD: We're
> going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery, and shooting.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Shooting! That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see why, they'll be properly supervised on the
> rifle range.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: Don' t you admit that this is a terribly dangerous
> activity to be teaching children?
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper rifle
> discipline before they even touch a firearm.
>
> FEMALE INTERVIEWER: But you're equipping them to become violent killers.
>
> GENERAL REINWALD: Well, Ma'am, you're equipped to be a prostitute, but
> you're not one, are you?
>
> The radio went silent and the interview ended. You got to love the Marines!
cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter. Unable to find it, he
asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There might be some matches in
the top drawer," she replied. He opened the drawer of the bedside table
and found a box of matches sitting neatly on top of a framed picture of
another man. naturally, the guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?"
he inquired nervously. "No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your
boyfriend then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his
ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly, the
girl replied, "That's me before the operation." [^]
During a recent Romney campaign stop, a heckler from the audience
hollered, "Hey Mitt Witt, where are you hiding your tax returns?
Governor Romney politely responded, "I've found a very secure place
that I'm certain they won't be found."
The insistent heckler, then shouted, "And just where is that, dummy"?
Governor Romney smiled and said, "They are underneath Obama's Birth
Certificate, college records, his immigration status as a student, and
his funding sources to pay for college.
What's your next question?"[:D][:p][^]
old people rule. but they cant drive[:D][:D][:D]
Hey I resemble that[;)]
quote:Originally posted by Dakota308
old people rule. but they cant drive[:D][:D][:D]