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BEER Troubleshooting

bigt7mmbigt7mm Member Posts: 4,697 ✭✭✭
edited September 2006 in General Discussion
Lil' Stinker's Opinion

Comments

  • bigt7mmbigt7mm Member Posts: 4,697 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
  • bigt7mmbigt7mm Member Posts: 4,697 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    BEER TROUBLESHOOTING

    SYMPTOM
    FAULT
    ACTION

    Feet cold and wet.
    Glass being held at incorrect angle.

    Feet warm and wet.
    Improper bladder control.
    Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training.

    Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
    Glass empty.
    Get someone to buy you another beer.

    Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
    You have fallen over backward.
    Have yourself leashed to bar.

    Mouth contains cigarette butts.
    You have fallen forward.
    See above.

    Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
    Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
    Retire to restroom, practice in mirror.

    Floor blurred.
    You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
    Get someone to buy you another beer.

    Floor moving.
    You are being carried out.
    Find out if you are being taken to another bar.

    Room seems unusually dark.
    Bar has closed.
    Confirm home address with bartender.

    Taxi suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
    Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
    Cover mouth.

    Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
    You are dancing on the table.
    Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

    Beer is crystal-clear.
    It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
    Punch him.

    Hands hurt, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
    You have been in a fight.
    Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

    Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
    You've wandered into the wrong party.
    See if they have free beer.

    Your singing sounds distorted.
    The beer is too weak.
    Have more beer until your voice improves.

    Don't remember the words to the song.
    Beer is just right.
    Play air guitar.
  • mrseatlemrseatle Member Posts: 15,806
    edited November -1
  • spanielsellsspanielsells Member Posts: 12,498
    edited November -1
    I don't have a drinking problem.

    I drink.
    I get drunk.
    I fall down.

    No problem!
  • buschmasterbuschmaster Member Posts: 14,230 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    do we get a 1-800 number for Beer Tech Support?
  • 11BravoCrunchie11BravoCrunchie Member Posts: 33,424
    edited November -1
    quote:Beer is crystal-clear.
    It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
    Punch him.

    Touche'. BTW, whoever painted the stars and bars on that car's hood did a horrible job. They didn't even bother to get the right number of stars. 15? Come on! EVERYONE knows that 13 is not an unlucky number in the USA.
  • buschmasterbuschmaster Member Posts: 14,230 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    well, it had more stars before they cut it down to fit
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