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Every guys nitemare!

chiligunguychiligunguy Member Posts: 501 ✭✭✭
edited June 2009 in General Discussion
About 8 yrs ago I get this call "your daughters 13 and wants to meet you" First reaction was I dont have a daughter that old. Then the woman goes on to describe when and where we met. Knew my best freind at the time knew where his gf at the time lived ect. Blew me away!

I have to explain that at the time she was talking about I was a junkie and a drunk. There is about 2 yrs of my life I dont remember a whole lot of because of that. I talk to my freind, he says yes I knew her and it is possible.

So I go to meet them,(with my wife,she knows about how I was) I dont keep anything from my wife. Anyway lady is married and husband considers girl his daughter, ect. I get to know girl and we talk and see each other ect. I finnally suggest blood test, no word from them for about 7 yrs. Just stopped. So decided that they were probably after $ and when suggested blood test they knew it was over. At the time we owned the local Roto Rooter franchise.

Now about 6 mos ago she (the girl) calls and says you have a 2 yr old granddaughter, just thought youd like to know. Since then I have called and met with this girl. Got to know her, has had a really messed up life. I feel so guilty, Im not one to not take care of my kids. Pd support for 18 yrs on my oldest son, flew him and myself back and forth from Tx to Ohio when I lived there.

Anyway, we are getting to know each other, and Im trying to help her thru some hard times. The GD is a cutey! I dont know how this will all play oout but just wish I had all that time back!

Sorry, just had to get it off my chest.
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Comments

  • john wjohn w Member Posts: 4,104
    edited November -1
    i would still demand a blood test before you go any further and get involved in their lives!
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  • chiligunguychiligunguy Member Posts: 501 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I have thought about that. But right now all shes after is someone to talk to and give advise, as "the family" has pretty much said your an adult deal with it. She calls about everyday and we see each other about 2 or 3 times a week. I have introduced her to family, wife pretty much stays out of it. Wife has been great,not involved except to listen to me and support me, but stays out of rest.

    I dont know what else I can do, It just kills me thinking that one of my kids was out there and I didnt know. I wasnt there when she needed me when she was younger. Im doing my best to help now but I just cant help thinking if I could have made a difference.

    Any thoughts?
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  • bhale187bhale187 Member Posts: 7,798
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by chiligunguy
    I have thought about that. But right now all shes after is someone to talk to and give advise, as "the family" has pretty much said your an adult deal with it. She calls about everyday and we see each other about 2 or 3 times a week. I have introduced her to family, wife pretty much stays out of it. Wife has been great,not involved except to listen to me and support me, but stays out of rest.

    I dont know what else I can do, It just kills me thinking that one of my kids was out there and I didnt know. I wasnt there when she needed me when she was younger. Im doing my best to help now but I just cant help thinking if I could have made a difference.
    Any thoughts?

    That may be exactly what she was counting on, and is using it to prey upon you. Perhaps she is not asking for anything now, but con artists take time to butter you up before they go in for that kill. If you are going to pay for the blood test, what reason does she have for NOT agreeing to take it?

    Somthing else to think about...If this women slept with you, a junkie at the time, what to say she didn't have sex with countless others. What makes you and/or her so sure you are the dad?
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  • fordsixfordsix Member Posts: 8,722
    edited November -1
    one of you needs to call the maury povich show..and wear your GB shirt so we know ya
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  • Marc1301Marc1301 Member Posts: 31,897 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by bhale187
    quote:Originally posted by chiligunguy
    I have thought about that. But right now all shes after is someone to talk to and give advise, as "the family" has pretty much said your an adult deal with it. She calls about everyday and we see each other about 2 or 3 times a week. I have introduced her to family, wife pretty much stays out of it. Wife has been great,not involved except to listen to me and support me, but stays out of rest.

    I dont know what else I can do, It just kills me thinking that one of my kids was out there and I didnt know. I wasnt there when she needed me when she was younger. Im doing my best to help now but I just cant help thinking if I could have made a difference.
    Any thoughts?

    That may be exactly what she was counting on, and is using it to prey upon you. Perhaps she is not asking for anything now, but con artists take time to butter you up before they go in for that kill. If you are going to pay for the blood test, what reason does she have for NOT agreeing to take it?
    Without a blood test I would stay so far away from this you wouldn't believe it.

    Oh BTW,.......I am your son,......got any dough pop?[:D]
    "Beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life down here." - William Shatner
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  • footlongfootlong Member Posts: 8,009
    edited November -1
    Buddy of mone supported a kid for 11 years that some leech said was his. Finally went to court and got the blood test. witch finally admitted she had no idea who daddy was. Now theres a kid out there that calls him DADDY. Guy still supports the kid and kid knows the truth. Best part is witch does NOT get any of it. Kid lives with his grandmother still sees my buddy and calls him DAD
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  • tomahawktomahawk Member Posts: 11,826
    edited November -1
    cut a piece of her hair while she is asleep...match it with your own at a dna testing facility for 65.00[;)]
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  • jeffb1911jeffb1911 Member Posts: 2,111 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Not to bash anyone, but hopefully the youngsters in here will learn from your mistake and keep it in their own pants.
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  • SCOUT5SCOUT5 Member Posts: 16,182 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    A lot of issues. The girl may be your daughter or she could be someone elses other than her mothers husband or you. The only way to know is blood testing of course. The girl may firmly beleive you are her real father and just simply want you in her life. If you are willing to accept that role with out testing there isn't an issue, enjoy your daughter and grandchildren. Anyone can use us, real family or not, it's up to us if we let them. The only wrong move here, in my opinion, would be to turn her away as no one proved she is your daughter and not follow through. You haven't done that. I say if you are comfortable taking on the father's role that answers your question. If you wnat proof she is your daughter to continue then ask her to be tested.

    Short version if you are comfortable filling the role of her father there isn't a problem and you should make the most of it. If you are not, find out.
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  • RCrosbyRCrosby Member Posts: 3,808 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Slightly different take here.
    You need the blood test, not to determine whether or not you continue a relationship with this girl and her daughter, but for your own peace of mind regarding your past and your historical role, if any, in their lives.
    Whatever the outcome, let her know, and if you're "blood", fine. If not, you can still be a family friend.
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  • givettegivette Member Posts: 10,886 ✭
    edited November -1
    Original post...blood test, they disappear. They re-appear quite a bit later. I would demand a blood test. If they refuse, they are not on the up-and-up.

    If they're legit, blood test will mean nothing to them. If they're out to "weasel in" to your wealth, they'll balk at the prospect.

    Reads like you dont want to pursue this. No matter either way. Good luck! Joe
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  • SCOUT5SCOUT5 Member Posts: 16,182 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Yes RCrosby has a point. Another issue I didn't write about the first time is if you aren't her father she deserves to know who is. If you get tested and are him, great, if not perhaps she would want to try to find the man that is her real father. Just something else to consider.
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  • chiligunguychiligunguy Member Posts: 501 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ive thought about DNA test just to be sure. And wondered myself about the con job, but have nothing to con out of. And also agree that her mom could have been with a number of guys. No one has asked for $, just someone to talk to. So far anyway.

    Well thanks guys for you input, dont know for sure what Im going to do yet.
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  • chiligunguychiligunguy Member Posts: 501 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by jeffb1911
    Not to bash anyone, but hopefully the youngsters in here will learn from your mistake and keep it in their own pants.


    Yes sir, I agree and feel free to use me as an example! Not only to keep it in pants, but the way drugs and alc effects not only the person using but everyone around them. 20 yrs and still paying for my stuupid mistakes!
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  • dongizmodongizmo Member Posts: 14,477 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I would get the test, just to be sure, and it would be helpful to her to have any medical history you can pass on to her.
    Don
    The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly, is to fill the world with fools.
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  • 11b6r11b6r Member Posts: 16,588 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Good chance that this girl wants SOMEONE to be her Daddy. And you has been elected.

    Couple of totally separate issues here-
    One is money. Present or future. Don't know your state, or the inheritance laws in your state, and it would not matter if I did, cause I am not a lawyer, and it is not my problem. It could be your problem some day (or your heir's problem)

    The other is the state of mental health- for BOTH of you. If she really feels she NEEDS a Daddy- and it turns out you are NOT him- how will that affect both of you? Not to be reading between the lines too much, but you seem to be deriving some pleasure from the delayed role of being the parent.

    No one right, one-size-fits-all answer here. But if I were you, would find someone good at this whose opinion I valued, and talk with them about where you go next. Sincerely, good luck to both of you. I have several problems in my life- I'm glad this is not one of mine.
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  • chiligunguychiligunguy Member Posts: 501 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by 11b6r
    Good chance that this girl wants SOMEONE to be her Daddy. And you has been elected.

    Couple of totally separate issues here-
    One is money. Present or future. Don't know your state, or the inheritance laws in your state, and it would not matter if I did, cause I am not a lawyer, and it is not my problem. It could be your problem some day (or your heir's problem)

    The other is the state of mental health- for BOTH of you. If she really feels she NEEDS a Daddy- and it turns out you are NOT him- how will that affect both of you? Not to be reading between the lines too much, but you seem to be deriving some pleasure from the delayed role of being the parent.

    No one right, one-size-fits-all answer here. But if I were you, would find someone good at this whose opinion I valued, and talk with them about where you go next. Sincerely, good luck to both of you. I have several problems in my life- I'm glad this is not one of mine.




    Beleive me, Im not getting any pleasure from this! Im just trying to do the right thing. Dont know what the right thing is right now. Ive pretty much decided to get DNA test done. Not to try to get out of anything, but to ease both our minds. That will always be in the back of our minds if we dont. Then take it as it comes, she will always be welcome to be a part of the family either way. God knows she needs someone!

    Maybe Im just getting soft in my old age,or soft headed.

    What about you ladies on here? Any suggestions from a female point of view.

    Please dont think badly of me because of all this, I really am trying to do the right thing
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  • v35v35 Member Posts: 12,710 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I've read of a judge ruling for continued support after a child was proven not to be the defendant's.
    You're a fool to act on a hunch when paternity can be proven conclusively.
    Until that time keep at arm's length.
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  • Queen of SwordsQueen of Swords Member Posts: 14,355
    edited November -1
    My brother had a similar experience. Just married, then, out of the blue, girl pops up, claiming he is her daughter's father. She's running all over town making this claim.
    Simple answer, DNA test...

    Oh, and it turns out, to borrow a line from Maury Povich, he was NOT the father....
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  • spanielsellsspanielsells Member Posts: 12,498
    edited November -1
    Not really a nightmare of mine. I kept my pants zipped until I got married.

    It wasn't easy, and it wasn't as if I didn't have opportunity.

    But, it was for one of the reasons you experienced - I never wanted someone to show up on my doorstep unannounced claiming to be my kid.
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