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Stupidist thing your boss ever said

shoff14shoff14 Member Posts: 11,994 ✭✭✭
edited June 2007 in General Discussion
I need a laugh, lets hear them!
«1

Comments

  • buschmasterbuschmaster Member Posts: 14,229 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    the other dude that was working with us took off work so he could go jet skiing. boss was mad so he wanted to fire me. literally, I had to tell him look, you're pissed of at him, you don't have to fire me, i didn't do anything wrong!

    nobody got fired. boss was just an idiot.
  • 65gto38965gto389 Member Posts: 2,850 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "I know what I'm doing".
  • jhimcojhimco Member Posts: 2,075 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Thank you is on payday.

    Or

    Trust me.
  • sarge_3adsarge_3ad Member Posts: 8,387 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    As soon as you get this done we'll go home.
  • TxsTxs Member Posts: 18,801
    edited November -1
    Young 2Lt: "They think someone's been putting something in the coffee pot. Taste it and see what you think. I did and it tastes okay to me".

    Me: "With all due respect, sir...No way."

    Later analysis determined that someone had pissed in the pot.
  • 11BravoCrunchie11BravoCrunchie Member Posts: 33,423 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    "That's a pallet of dog food."

    My reply: "Ron, I'm stupid...not blind."
  • Ba SardoBa Sardo Member Posts: 562 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Way back when I worked at a photolab, I was having a problem with a customer who was demanding their money back. My boss comes up and without even hearing my side of things asks the customer how much they are due, hears the amount, and gives it to them.

    My boss then proceeds to chew me out about how our store has a no questions asked policy regarding returns and that I knew that and that she was going to have to report me for bad customer service.

    It was after all of this that she finally uttered the stupidest thing I've ever heard. "What were they returning?"

    After telling her she should have asked that first, I proceeded to let her know that the customer did not have anything to return and that I was in the middle of explaining to them that if they wanted their money back, they would need to bring the merchandise back first.

    The look on her face was priceless.
  • LaidbackDanLaidbackDan Member Posts: 13,143 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "I did not attain this position by being an complete idiot"


    No, but you did obtain it by marrying the owners less than attractive daughter.
  • ElMuertoMonkeyElMuertoMonkey Member Posts: 12,898
    edited November -1
    "If you want to be like me one day..."

    Yeah, burned out, saddled with three ulcers, sweaty, desperately unhappy, and flat broke, sure... why not?
  • OJMayoOJMayo Member Posts: 704 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Inappropriate material deleted. Nunn
  • ElMuertoMonkeyElMuertoMonkey Member Posts: 12,898
    edited November -1
    I hear ya.[8D]
  • Spider7115Spider7115 Member, Moderator Posts: 29,714 ******
    edited November -1
    The stupidest thing my boss ever said was "You're hired". [:D]
  • Tailgunner1954Tailgunner1954 Member Posts: 7,734 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Have 2, both mid-managment types

    I kissed a lot of * to get this job, and I'm not going to let some college boy push me out of it. (Darton Archery)

    They don't call me "Knee Walker" for nothing. (United States Gypsum)
  • spanielsellsspanielsells Member Posts: 12,498
    edited November -1
    When I quit my job, "You'll be back here asking for your job back."
  • tapwatertapwater Member Posts: 10,335 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    ...I see the boss stick his head out the office door and sort of cock it side to side, as if listening to something. A minute later, the phone in the plant rings, Boss asks:

    .."What's that sound that I don't hear?"
  • Colonel PlinkColonel Plink Member Posts: 16,460
    edited November -1
    One time a program director told me that I needed to go home and pionder overnight about how much I wanted to work at the radio station.

    I told him that, at minimum wage, working overnights, I wouldn't need more than a minute or so.

    'Course, he fired me on the spot, so I guess I won that one, eh?
  • spotty bobekspotty bobek Member Posts: 219 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    "Do as i say, not as I do".
  • AlpineAlpine Member Posts: 15,041 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My boss (I was working construction after I retired) got out of his air conditioned truck after 1 hour on the cell phone, back into the 120 degree Barstow heat, and said, "This heat isn't so bad, once you get used to it."
    ?The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.?
    Margaret Thatcher

    "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
    Mark Twain
  • GuvamintCheeseGuvamintCheese Member Posts: 38,932
    edited November -1
    "You will never be able to make this kind of money (23k) again".
  • GuvamintCheeseGuvamintCheese Member Posts: 38,932
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by OJMayo
    my boss once was a 20 yrd old and i was 22. we were alone in the office after closing and he said "i want you ". we made out a little but that was it. true story. he got fired 3 days later and i have no reason why. i never said anything to anyone. later i wondered if they had cameras in there or something. about 10 years after that i saw him at a restruant with a wife and kids.
    Did you just come out of the closet?
  • zipperzapzipperzap Member Posts: 25,057
    edited November -1
    Never had a boss - not since I was a kid, anyway.

    ... got a wife ... and she NEVER says stupid stuff!
    [:o)]
  • William81William81 Member Posts: 24,585 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    What he said: "You need to take on this project, it will advance your career...."


    What he was really saying: This project sucks and I don't want to do it....[:D]
  • spanielsellsspanielsells Member Posts: 12,498
    edited November -1
    No. Actually, I've got one better.

    What's worse is that I fell for it.

    BOSS: "We just need you for about three weeks. Everyone's caseload is tremendous, so if you could come in and help out everyone, I promise you you'll be back in the field in three weeks."

    I was out of the field for over two years. Then, I quit, and then, my boss suggested that I'd be begging for my job back.

    Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, well, that ain't gonna happen.
  • fugawefugawe Member Posts: 1,540 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    The owner of one bike shop said, "There is no nepotism here". From where we were standing I could see his wife in her office, his daughter in another and his son in his. The son was a POS crackhead, constantly in and out of rehab. The wife's job was, I think, opening the mail. The daughter actually did function as office manager.
  • gearheaddadgearheaddad Member Posts: 15,096 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I worked at a gas station right out of high school. The owner tells my buddy, "Clean out that store room" "If it's not on a shelf, throw it in the dumpster. Everything. Now." My buddy asks, "but what about" and the boss says "EVERYTHING!! NOW! CLEAN IT!!"
    Cliff cleaned the room spotless! He threw a dozen or so brand new tires in the dumpster, along with a brand new in the box big battery charger and some other good stuff!
    A few days later the boss asks Cliff where exactly did he get the four brand new Atlas Golden Air II tires that he sees on his old rust bucket car. Cliff says "out of the dumpster at a gas station"!!!!!!!! Then it hit old Tom................He said EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!
    Cliff sold the other tires and the battery charger the day after he picked them out of the dumpster!
  • whiteclouderwhiteclouder Member Posts: 10,574 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Brand new in the job, my manager called us in one at a time to explain to her what we did for the organization. I did.

    Her response: "I can't see where you do all that much."

    That afternoon, she received an e-mail from HR informing her I'd put my retirement papers in. Three days after I retired, she called and asked if I'd consider a consulting position. I laughed and hung up on her.

    Clouder..
  • turkeyhunter36089turkeyhunter36089 Member Posts: 193 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "You knew what I meant. You should be able to read my mind by now."
  • bobskibobski Member Posts: 17,868 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "welcome to the job."

    "and whats your name?"
    Retired Naval Aviation
    Former Member U.S. Navy Shooting Team
    Former NSSA All American
    Navy Distinguished Pistol Shot
    MO, CT, VA.
  • Stink FootStink Foot Member Posts: 897 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:Stupidist thing your boss ever said


    Your hired.[:p]
  • 11echo11echo Member Posts: 1,005 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    In a job performance review my boss said "We here at Fluor expect above average work! You have meant that expectation, so we are giving you the average pay raise"!
  • 1911a1-fan1911a1-fan Member Posts: 51,193 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    this one is not very funny but actually happened to me

    one morning my mother called me, my stepfather had passed away, he was lying in their bed, and she did not know what to do, and was obviously not thinking right and upset, i called my boss and explained the situation, and i was the only person that could help, i was in my car driving to her house, his words where " turn around and get in here, business comes first", i just hung up the phone, next day went to work we never spoke of it, i just lost every bit of respect i had for the man
  • zipperzapzipperzap Member Posts: 25,057
    edited November -1
    quote:Stink Foot:

    Stupidist thing your boss ever said



    Your hired.

    Stinkers ... sorry to have to keep interrupting you ...
    but I think you mean 'you're' (in this case) ... it's
    a conjunction for 'you are' ... just wanted to bring
    it to your attention. Nothing personal.
    [:D]
  • 11b6r11b6r Member Posts: 16,588 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    A former boss, performance review. You only met expectations, so you will get a 2% payraise. Oh, yeah, the folks at home office sent this to you. (Package contained employee of the year award, check) True.
  • Blade SlingerBlade Slinger Member Posts: 5,891
    edited November -1
    go ahead! take the company plane.[;)]
  • CaptplaidCaptplaid Member Posts: 20,296 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "If there is an explosion, run. If you think of it, stop by the office and let us know, just in case we didn't here it."

    His nickname was Dwe (Dick with ears).
  • mp5shootermp5shooter Member Posts: 2,429 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    my wife was 9 months pregant and my mom was critically ill. my mom died on a tuesday morning, i took the rest of the week off to make funeral arrangements and for the funeral of friday. well sunday my wife had the baby and i took the whole week off. to watch the other children and to help the wife and new baby. when i went back to work the azzhole boss told me that was a really inconvinent time to take off. what an azzhole!
  • jimdeerejimdeere Member, Moderator Posts: 25,583 ******
    edited November -1
    I had been working shift work at the plant for 19 years and I was just getting tired of it. So I went to the HR Manager and told him I wanted a different job. He said, "sorry, Jim, we just don't have anything right now". As I turned to leave, I mumbled "I'll be a son-of-a-gripe". Hearing that, the manager said "wait a minute, Jim, you can be a supervisor!"
  • FrancFFrancF Member Posts: 35,278 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    (This is when I was a mechanic at a semi conductor equipment manufacturing Company)
    Dept. head talking to 170 people-

    Ok every one listen up! This Saturday and sunday their will be mandatory overtime we need to modify the modifications that have been re-modified for the retrofit modifications that have been modified.

    We should have modified red line drawings for you by Monday of next week.
    That is no joke!
  • phillipphillip Member Posts: 2,948
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by Zulu7
    "That's a pallet of dog food."

    My reply: "Ron, I'm stupid...not blind."


    LOL ooooooooo thats funny![:D]
  • phillipphillip Member Posts: 2,948
    edited November -1
    quote:Originally posted by cartod
    quote:Originally posted by OJMayo
    my boss once was a 20 yrd old and i was 22. we were alone in the office after closing and he said "i want you ". we made out a little but that was it. true story. he got fired 3 days later and i have no reason why. i never said anything to anyone. later i wondered if they had cameras in there or something. about 10 years after that i saw him at a restruant with a wife and kids.
    Did you just come out of the closet?




    WOOHHHHHHHHHHHH NO WONDER IT GOT DESKEETED!!!I mean deleated.[:X][:X]
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