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Priceless
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Member Posts: 69,453 ✭✭✭✭
The Good Husband
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his
company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker,
but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't
even remember how he got home from
the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did
something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first
thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of
water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red
rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees
that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the
rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices
a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red
with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in
lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get
groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love
you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?" "Well, you
came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in
the hallway, and got that black eye when
you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such
perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is
on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time ...
"Priceless!"
Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his
company's Christmas Party. Jack is not normally a drinker,
but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't
even remember how he got home from
the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did
something wrong.
Jack had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first
thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of
water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red
rose! Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him,
all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees
that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the
rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye
staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices
a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red
with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in
lipstick:
"Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to get
groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love
you, darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot
breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper.
His son is also at the table, eating.
Jack asks, "Son... What happened last night?" "Well, you
came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell
over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in
the hallway, and got that black eye when
you ran into the door.
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such
perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is
on the table waiting for me??"
His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Mom dragged you to the bedroom,
and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed,
"Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99
hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time ...
"Priceless!"
Comments
He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotless and clean. So was the rest of the house.
He took the aspirins and noticed a note on the table, which read: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he went to the kitchen and, sure enough, there was a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating.
The man asked the son,"What happened last night?"
His son replied, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, the man asked, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replied, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!'"
A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - Priceless
Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight.I love you, Darling! Love, Jillian"
He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee, and the morning newspaper. His 16 year old son is also at the table, eating. Dan asks, "Son... what happened last night?" "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and out of your mind You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway, and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused, he asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me??" His son replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed.... "Leave me alone, I'm married!!"
Broken Coffee Table $239.99Hot
Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $.38
Saying the right thing, at the right time. .. PRICELESS
Not blaming your behaviour on alcohol...even more priceless!
A man woke up at home with a huge hangover. He forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he saw were a couple of aspirins and a glass of water on the side table. He sat down and saw his clothing in front of him, clean and ironed.
He looked around the room and saw that it was in perfect order, spotless and clean. So was the rest of the house.
He took the aspirins and noticed a note on the table, which read: "Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he went to the kitchen and, sure enough, there was a hot breakfast and the morning newspaper. His son was also at the table, eating.
The man asked the son,"What happened last night?"
His son replied, "Well, you came home after 3 a.m., drunk and delirious. You broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, the man asked, "So, why is everything in order and so clean, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replied, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you said, 'Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!'"
A self-induced hangover - $100.00
Broken furniture - $200.00
Breakfast - $10.00
Saying the right thing - Priceless
"the difference between the almost right word and the right word is like the difference between a lightning bug and a lightning bolt" - Mark Twain.
[img][/img]
Going to another gun show and buying a lower and a parts kit. $160
[img][/img]
Finding a stock set I bought from Springfield Armory 30 years ago. $25
Putting it all together and having a flat top when flat tops didn't exist.
PRICELESS
[img][/img]
Total cost of build about $400
This picture is not doctored. Most Syrians struggle to
even read Arabic, much less have a clue about English.
So, how do a group of Syrian protest leaders create the
most impact with their signs by having the standard "Death To
Americans"(etc.) slogans printed in English?
Answer: They simply hire an English-speaking civilian! to
translate and write their statements into English.
Unfortunately, in this case, they were unaware that the
"civilian" insurance company employee hired for the job
was a retired US Army sergeant!
Obviously, pictures of this protest rally never made
their way through the? Arab TV networks, but the results were
"Priceless."
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The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?"
To which she replied, "I'm late for work."
Oh yeah," said the cop, "what do you do?"
I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded.
The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher?
And just what does a rectum stretcher do?"
"Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it's about 6 feet wide."
"And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot jerk? " he asked.
"You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..."
Traffic Ticket - $95.00
Court Costs - $45.00
Look on the Cop's Face...............PRICELESS
Remember...Terrorist are attacking Civilians; Not the Government. Protect Yourself!
open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins
and a glass of water on the side table. He sits down and sees his
clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. Marty looks around the
room and sees that it is in is in perfect order, spotless clean. So is
the rest of the house.
He takes the aspirins and notices a note on the table "Honey,
breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping. Love you."
So he goes to the kitchen and sure enough there is a hot breakfast
and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.
Marty asks,"Son, what happened last night?"
His son says, "Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and delirious.
Broke some furniture, puked in the hallway, and gave yourself a black eye
when you stumbled into the door."
Confused, Marty asks, "So, why is everything in order and so clean,
and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
His son replies, "Oh that! Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when
she tried to take your pants off, you said,
"Lady, leave me alone, I'm married!"
a self-induced hangover - $100.00
broken furniture - $200.00
breakfast - $10.00
saying the right thing - priceless.
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