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Don't Fart In Bed
ironjohn929
Member Posts: 1,497 ✭✭✭✭✭
This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years. The only friction in their marriage was the husband's habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke. The noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air. Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to blast them out!
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,
"Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference...The Marines don't have that problem" Ronald Reagan
Then one Thanksgiving morning as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting
which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,
"Honey, you were right." "All these years you have warned me and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife. "Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back in."
"Some people spend an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference...The Marines don't have that problem" Ronald Reagan
Comments
Every morning she would plead with him to stop ripping them off
because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn't stop it and
that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor; she was
concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by
and he continued to blast them out! Then one Thanksgiving morning as
she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound
asleep, she looked at the bowl where she had put the turkey innards
and neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts and a malicious
thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her
husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling back the bed covers, she
pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the
bowl of turkey guts into his shorts.
Some time later she heard her husband waken with his usual
trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the
sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bathroom. The wife
could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing,
tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got
him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came
downstairs in his bloodstained underpants with a look of horror on
his face.
She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said,
"Honey, you w ere right. All these years you have warned me
and I didn't listen to you." "What do you mean?" asked his wife.
"Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting
my guts out, and today it finally happened. But by the grace of
God, some Vaseline, and two fingers, I think I got most of them back
in."
Eric
All American Arms Company
www.galleryofguns.com
VIP Code: AAAC
Veteran Owned and Operated
Beer is living proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-Benjamin Franklin
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Saw the punch line long before it got there bUT had tear in my eyes from reading it. Good one and one I needed for this evening! Thanks! Mind if I borrow that one?
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you.
Rita Mae Brown
JBoss......Fear No Fish/peace through superior firepower/If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier!!!!!!!!!
Joe
"Never let school interfere with your education"
"There is nothing lower than the human race - except the french." (Mark Twain)
took me a couple of minutes to stop laughing
"The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing." Edmund Burke
Does anybody have any idea who would have been known for that kind of a mix back then?
When I was a kid in the early 70's, my cousin had an 8-track tape of "trucker jokes". I have no clue who the guy was performing, but that was one of the jokes and I can remember laughing my butt off.
Does anybody have any idea who would have been known for that kind of a mix back then?
Gene Tracy? Maybe?
this ring a bell?
once again, run the kids outta' the room first.
Look through some of the others for 69
Some body Hep'me... [:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D][:D]
Ain't that about nasty?
Don't think I'd have been able to keep my composure if I'd been there. I'da been laughin' so hard, they'd needed a wheelbarrow to get me outta' there.
Colton, I got it.
Ain't that about nasty?
Don't think I'd have been able to keep my composure if I'd been there. I'da been laughin' so hard, they'd needed a wheelbarrow to get me outta' there.
that's biological warfare! I woulda died between laughin so hard and throwing up at the same time.