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10 good wife jokes... or more
retroxler58
Member Posts: 32,693 ✭✭✭
The following was taken from "The JokeFile.com"
10 Good Wife jokes
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After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
**
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
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I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
**
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
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A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
**
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
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Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
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Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
**
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
**
10 Good Wife jokes
**
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
**
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
**
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
**
My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.
**
A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.
**
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.
**
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
**
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
**
Young Son: Is it true, Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?
Dad: That happens in every country, son.
**
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.
**
Comments
10 Good Wife jokes
**
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Did John write this one? He claims that I never shut up. LOL
Posted - 05/25/2009 : 12:12:28 AM
10 Good Wife jokes
**
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Did John write this one? He claims that I never shut up. LOL
I tried to find "Ten Good Husband Jokes", but I guess I have the wrong perspective... maybe if someone from the other gender would do a search... and a post. We'd have some balance.
Posted - 05/25/2009 : 12:12:28 AM
10 Good Wife jokes
**
I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Did John write this one? He claims that I never shut up. LOL
Oh... and welcome Deb!
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our
wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy'
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
A HARLEY MAN'S WISH
A man riding his Harley was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, 'Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish.'
The biker pulled over and said, 'Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want.'
The Lord said, 'Your request is materialistic, think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking; the supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific and the concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind.'
The biker thought about it for a long time.
Finally, he said, 'Lord, I wish that I and all men could understand our
wives; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly happy'
The Lord replied, 'You want two lanes or four on that bridge?
NOW... That's a good Joke!!!
Have a lot of jokes in my emails. Just need to find ones without pictures.
Same here... [:D]
It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples is the doggie position.
The husband sits up and begs.
The wife rolls over and plays dead.
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona ,and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the
horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that Are you crazy? She looked at ME, and
quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment.....we have lived happily ever after."
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona ,and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the
horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that Are you crazy? She looked at ME, and
quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment.....we have lived happily ever after."
In over thirty-two years, I think that I've gotten to twice... hope I never see thrice...
quote:Originally posted by hooch31L
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona ,and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the
horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that Are you crazy? She looked at ME, and
quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment.....we have lived happily ever after."
In over thirty-two years, I think that I've gotten to twice... hope I never see thrice...
Uh-oh... I hear her calling now... Gotta go... See ya.
An elderly woman is driving on the highway when her worried husband calls her on her cell phone. "Honey, please be careful. I just heard on the news that there is some maniac driving a car on the road going the wrong way!" To this the woman replies, "Are you sure there's only just one? I think there must be millions of 'em!"
She said to the bellman, "We refuse to settle for such a small room! No windows, ...no bed, and ...no air conditioning! You must think we're uncivilized!!!"
"But, madam!", replied the bellman, shocked at her comment.
"Don't you... 'But madam' me sonny," she continued. "You can't treat us like we're a couple of fools just because we don't travel much, and... we've never been to the big city, and... we've never spent the night at a hotel. I'm going to complain to the manager."
"But..., but, Madam," the bellman said, "this isn't your room; this is the elevator!"
And God made the earth and rested
And God made man and rested
And God made woman
And since then NEITHER God nor man has rested[:0]
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona ,and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the
horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that Are you crazy? She looked at ME, and
quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment.....we have lived happily ever after."
The way I've always heard it was the other way around. It was a man who had sent for a mail order bride & the events occured on the way from the church to his farm.
Mods? Most of which claim to be male, should of locked her down by now.
I COMMAND ALL THOSE WHO MIGHT BE OFFENDED BY THIS VERY FUNNY THREAD, TO IGNORE IT !!
I have spoken !!
Doug
Well...no mods, so:
I COMMAND ALL THOSE WHO MIGHT BE OFFENDED BY THIS VERY FUNNY THREAD, TO IGNORE IT !!
I have spoken !!
Doug
LOL...Its the Holidays they must of all went home. Finally.
quote:Originally posted by Doug Wilson
Well...no mods, so:
I COMMAND ALL THOSE WHO MIGHT BE OFFENDED BY THIS VERY FUNNY THREAD, TO IGNORE IT !!
I have spoken !!
Doug
LOL...Its the Holidays they must of all went home. Finally.
You could only be so lucky. We are ever-vigilant.
after a year the dogs still happy to see you.
My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
- Henny Youngman
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My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
- Rodney Dangerfield
***
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
- Milton Berle
A little known fact...
The first testicular guard "cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.
The women will appreciate this little bit of triva--
A little known fact...
The first testicular guard "cup" was used in hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.
It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.
Now that's a good one!!! I tried to find balance, but had to leave it to others... Glad you made the post!