In order to participate in the GunBroker Member forums, you must be logged in with your GunBroker.com account. Click the sign-in button at the top right of the forums page to get connected.
Options
military humor
savage170
Member Posts: 37,455 ✭✭✭✭
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle.
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
********************* During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
**************************** Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
********************* Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!" Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
********************************
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
**************************** "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and p**s on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
It's not what you know that gets you in trouble, it's what you know that just ain't so!
Resident Pyrrhonist
One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force plane, it is 1500 hours.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3.
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
********************* During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside.
"Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "Yours is."
**************************** Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
********************* Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "Sure, buddy." Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!" Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?" Soldier: "No, SIR!"
********************************
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party? A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
**************************** "Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman. "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and p**s on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
It's not what you know that gets you in trouble, it's what you know that just ain't so!
Resident Pyrrhonist
Comments
http://www.tom-phillips.info/images/funny.military.htm
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference........ If it is an American Airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Army plane, it is 1500 hours. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it
is an Marine Corps aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If it is a Air Force aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour."
During training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing him the keys, "yours is."
Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up your telephone."
Officer: "Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "Sure, buddy."
Officer: "That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again!"
Officer: "Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
Q: How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll tell you.
Q: What's the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
A Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their faces.
The General shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a cathouse!"
The Chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a cathouse smells like."
"Well," snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me to die so you can come and wizz on my grave."
"Not me, Chief!" the Seaman replied. "Once I get out of the Navy, I'm never going to stand in line again!"
Greenland, at midnight. During the pilot's preflight check, he discovers that the latrine holding tank is still full from the last flight. So a message is
sent to the base, and an airman who was off duty is called out to take
care of it.
The young man finally gets to the air base and makes his way to the
aircraft, only to find that the latrine pump truck has been left
outdoors and is frozen solid, so he must find another one in the
hangar, which takes even more time. He returns to the aircraft and is
less than enthusiastic about what he has to do. Nevertheless, he goes
about the pumping job deliberately and carefully (and slowly) so as to
not risk criticism later.
As he's leaving the plane, the pilot stops him and says, "Son, your
attitude and performance has caused this flight to be late, and I'm
going to personally see to it that you are not just reprimanded, but
punished."
Shivering in the cold, his task finished, he takes a deep breath,
stands up tall and says, "Sir, with all due respect, I'm not your son;
I'm an Airman in the United States Air Force. I've been in Thule,
Greenland for eleven months without any leave, and reindeer are
beginning to look pretty good to me. I have one stripe; it's two-thirty
in the morning, the temperature is 40 degrees below zero, and my job here is
to pump **** from your aircraft. Now just exactly what form of punishment
did you have in mind?"
Actually, if the A/C was left for any length of time, the holding tank would have been frozen solid.
Question: Do they allow A/C on the line to 'cold soak', or do they keep the cabins warm with auxilliary power?
Merc
quote:Originally posted by givette
Ha! Good one!
Actually, if the A/C was left for any length of time, the holding tank would have been frozen solid.
Question: Do they allow A/C on the line to 'cold soak', or do they keep the cabins warm with auxilliary power?
I work in Qaanaaq part time, even further north of Thule Airbase.
He should come in here instead - I'd show him cold.!
Sent that one to my BOSS... He's Air Force. [;)]