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  • jimdeerejimdeere Member, Moderator Posts: 25,583 ******
    edited November -1
    Believe me, I know all about it. There?ll be no golden years in this household.
    My parents were good to me, but I couldn?t wait to get out. I would have lived in my car and almost did.
    One lady I know told me ?I raised my daughter and granddaughter, now I?m raising my great granddaughter..?
  • patt7638patt7638 Member Posts: 363 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I never cease to be amazed at the Number of grandparents that are raising are there grand kids.
  • mjrfd99mjrfd99 Member Posts: 4,556 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Many of the ones we helped dealt with were raising them because of jail, addiction or OD.
    Sadly it was quite common. The crack years were devastating.
  • pulsarncpulsarnc Member Posts: 6,216 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sadly my sister is raising two of her 6 grandkids. Mother periodically is strung out on drugs.
    cry Havoc and let slip  the dogs of war..... 
  • WearyTravelerWearyTraveler Member Posts: 2,006 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I can understand. I was paying my son's (37) mortgage for over a year and had to buy him a car to get to work. He finally got a good paying job and is in a better position.
    Now my daughter (40 yr old) needs help. I'm just glad they're taking turns!

    I'm trying to keep a nest egg for them to inherit when I kick. Since I can afford to live and pay my bills with my Marine retirement and social security, I've been kicking around the idea of passing the nest egg now so that their lives can be a little easier now rather than after I pass. But I'm worried that they'll blow it and then there's nothing more to give...
    ”People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
    - GEORGE ORWELL -
  • wpageabcwpageabc Member Posts: 8,760 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    It never ends...
    "What is truth?'
  • mnrivrat48mnrivrat48 Member Posts: 1,711 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I had some money I was saving up for dentures. The meds I am on destroyed my teeth . My youngest needed help and now I am without savings. Ones children are always your children I guess. She is 36 .
  • kimikimi Member Posts: 44,723 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I can understand. I was paying my son's (37) mortgage for over a year and had to buy him a car to get to work. He finally got a good paying job and is in a better position.
    Now my daughter (40 yr old) needs help. I'm just glad they're taking turns!

    I'm trying to keep a nest egg for them to inherit when I kick. Since I can afford to live and pay my bills with my Marine retirement and social security, I've been kicking around the idea of passing the nest egg now so that their lives can be a little easier now rather than after I pass. But I'm worried that they'll blow it and then there's nothing more to give...

    You're certainly setting a good example for other parents to follow. You might want to pass on a small amount of the nest egg with the stipulation to invest it wisely, and take it from there, before continuing on with such an approach.
    What's next?
  • slumlord44slumlord44 Member Posts: 3,702 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My take on my kids is different. My oldest daughter from my first marriage was a toal screw up in her youth. Drugs, sex, and rock and roll for starters. I put her in foster care at 15. It was either that or I would have physicaly hurt her. Had two younger daughters at home at the time and was not about to let her screw up there lives and mine. At 17 she ended up pregnant. 4 years later she was divorced and gave up her son and put him in foster care. My wife and I could have taken the kid but didn't for a lot of reasons. Main one being that if we took this one there would be more down the line that we would have been stuck with. She had 3 more kids after that. She is in her 50's now and has been sort of stable for a long time. Has stable factory job, owns her own home, has several grand kids that she cares about. One kid is great, one ok, one a screw up like she was. Our contact is very limited. Her mother has been out of the picture since she was a teen ager. I wish it had not gone that way but lookning back the only thing I would have done differently was to have cut her off totaly early in the game and put her in foster care sooner. If I had "taken care of her" she would have never been self sufficient and I would still have been supporting her, her kids, and their kids. I had some relatives who thought I should have handled it diffently. They are all dead now and I never lost any sleep over what they thought. My true friends supported me. They used to call it "tough love" and I still think its a good thing. My other two daughters are great people. I'v given some help over the years with a step up now and then but never enabled them. Wife and I are comfortable in our retirement now. When my oldest survived to 18 I breathed a sigh of relief and considered my obligation done. Frankily I figured she would be dead by then and am convinced that she survived because of it. Call me an * if you want but to me going broke to take care of kids who don't give a * is not smart. I've seen too many people go down that rabit hole.
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