My Mother Gave Up Her Car

nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 35,109 ******
We went to get it this past weekend.  I was VERY glad that she ma  de this decision for herself.  It was not easy for her, and will require some adjustment.  She is 89 years old, and has TIAs.   (Transient Ischemic Attacks, mini-strokes)  She has had at least two small collisions, causing minor cosmetic damage to her car, with no knowledge of them.   

I had advised her to stop driving, as had two of my sisters, but it was her doctor that really convinced her.

So now I have a Toyota Corolla to sell.


  • Sam06Sam06 Member Posts: 19,073 ✭✭✭✭
    That is a tough call.  I had to make it for my Dad and he still is mad about it 3 years later.  He is in a home now with dementia and every time I see him he asks about his car.

  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 35,109 ******
    Yes, it is a tough call, and I'm very glad she made it.  Her mother, my grandmother, was a harder target.  We had to take the car from her while she was being treated for a broken shoulder.  She ended up in a rehab center, and later a nursing home, and asked for her car every time I saw her for several years.   She never left the nursing home.
  • ChrisStreettChrisStreett Member Posts: 3,765 ✭✭✭
    My dad is 90 and still drives his old pick up around town. No accidents yet. Unfortunately I'll be facing this same issue next spring when he has to renew his license 'cuz I seriously doubt he'll pass.
    "...dying ain't much of a living boy"-Josey Wales
  • Sam06Sam06 Member Posts: 19,073 ✭✭✭✭
    The straw was his 3rd wreck.  He called me and told me he was in Charleston SC and had wrecked his car(He lives outside of Atlanta GA).  I asked him what he was doing in Charleston and he didn't know.  So I started driving to Charleston from Raleigh NC where I live.  About half way there I called him and asked again where he was and he said he didn't know, so I asked him if he was ok and he said yes he was then I asked if there was anyone around him I could talk to.  So he hands the cell phone to some guy and I ask the guy where they were after I explained my Dad was confused.  He said they were in Stone Mtn GA.

    I get there and he is gone.  I call again, no answer.  I go to his house the car is there and he is laying on the garage floor.  I figured he was dead but he wasn't he said he was tired and needed to sleep but couldn't get the door open.

    This was about my 7th time dealing with him and I still didn't realize he had dementia.  I got the message that day. 

  • SCOUT5SCOUT5 Member Posts: 14,681 ✭✭✭✭
    It's easier when they make the decision themselves, good for you and her that she did.   

    My mother was only driving during daylight hours but I was wondering how much longer that was going to be safe.   I came home last Dec 14th and found her in the floor she had a hemorrhagic stroke.   She survived and did as well a 82 year old lady could do after something like that.  However when she improved and started asking about her van I told her her driving days were over and she didn't argue about it.    
  • Bubba Jr.Bubba Jr. Member Posts: 6,486 ✭✭✭
    I went through the same thing with my mother and a lesser extent with my father. Mom had Dementia, and Dad had Alzheimer's. There is nothing easy about dealing with them. They're both gone now, so I don't have to worry about them. But my wife has taken up the slack in worrying me.
  • Smitty500magSmitty500mag Member Posts: 12,899 ✭✭✭✭
    My mom was still driving a school bus at 83. She's proud of her driving record because she never had an accident.

    Dad and mom had their own trucking company and drove together until they retired in their mid 60s. They got board after a couple of years of retirement and they both started driving school buses for the next 18 years.  Mom finally retired from bus driving 6 years ago. Dad keep driving a bus into his 80s also up until he started showing signs of that terrible disease - progressive supranuclear palsy (PSP). He retired as soon as he was diagnosed and died 3 years later. A terrible terrible disease that no human should ever have to endure. 

    Mom still drives locally to the store etc. She had a Jeep she's been driving for the past 25 years or so but she sold it this year because it was getting hard for her to climb into. That Jeep sold the first day she had a for sale sign on it. It was old but she kept it in perfect shape. I would have liked to have had it but I didn't tell her that because she would have insisted on giving it to me and I wanted her to have the money from the sale. Well we're the same way with our kids too because there's no way we could ever take any money from them either.

  • 4205raymond4205raymond Member Posts: 1,685 ✭✭✭
    Dad would never give up his car. Out in the boonies in Kents Store, Va. Absolute necessity to have car to take care of himself. Went to get gas one day and Virginia State Trooper pulled up next to him at pump. He said "Good morning young fella, if I may ask, how old might you be?" Dad replied 88. Trooper said "I have been following you for miles and that is about the best driving I have seen for 88 years old." Dad had right eye blasted out by dynamite cap as a teenager and lost four fingers on left hand in industrial accident at work. He shot from left shoulder and had just enough left on index finger to reach trigger. He was a medic in WW2 and passed away in 2011 at 88. ------------------------------Ray
  • mark christianmark christian Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 22,959 ******
    My mother went through the same thing following a series of minor strokes. Her motor skills remained good, but her memory lapses were a major problem.

    One afternoon, Mom drove to the drug store a mile away from her home. After picking up her medications, she drove back home...to the house she had lived in 15 years ago!  The owners of the house were very nice. They called me, and my girlfriend drove me over to pick up mom and drive her and her car home: this time to the correct home.

    Not long after that, Mom had a major stroke, and her driving days were over- for good. 
  • Flying Clay DiskFlying Clay Disk Member Posts: 35,171 ✭✭✭✭
    Fortunately, didn't have too much of a problem over this with my parents.  Dad never went anywhere in his later years, and Mom got to the point where she was afraid to drive.  Not that she was afraid of driving so much as she was terrified of accidentally turning onto the freeway which scared her to death.
    Unfortunately for us they decided to sell their brand new Buick on the spur of the moment.  One night I got a call and they told me they'd sold it to some college kid for peanuts.  I would have gladly paid them way more for it, but never got a chance.
  • Mr. PerfectMr. Perfect Member Posts: 59,616 ✭✭✭✭
    My mother was pissed when she had to give up her car. Kept exclaiming "I haven't had any accidents!" Which was not only untrue, but I kept arguing with her why she felt the need to have accidents before giving up control.
    Some will die in hot pursuit
    And fiery auto crashes
    Some will die in hot pursuit
    While sifting through my ashes
    Some will fall in love with life
    And drink it from a fountain
    That is pouring like an avalanche
    Coming down the mountain
  • pulsarncpulsarnc Member Posts: 4,389 ✭✭✭

    my mother gave up the keys on her own when her arthritis got so bad she had to have help to get up out of a chair . She knew the time was coming as we had had several conversations about it. I dread when we have to take the mother in laws wheels away . She has mild dementia at age 73 . We know it will get worse and may have to move her in with us . If that happens , be prepared for a lot of posts from me begging folks to “ send more whiskey!”

    cry Havoc and let slip  the dogs of war..... 
  • William81William81 Member Posts: 20,801 ✭✭✭
    I am happy for you David.....it is always best when it is their decision.....My mother did the same thing at age79.  If we had taken her keys, she would have fought us and been angry until the day she passed.....My Step-Mother was another story.  On the night of my retirement party, she T-Boned a city bus.  Thankfully she was not hurt, the bus was completely empty and 
    her vehicle was totaled.    Her insurance agent visited her two days later with a check and told her she was CANCELLED !

    That made it easy for us to end her driving career !!!  But she was mad until the end about it...
  • Toolman286Toolman286 Member Posts: 1,055 ✭✭✭
    I weaned Mom off from driving 2 years ago at 93. It was mostly her eyesight. Things kept sneaking up on her & scratching the car. I just started driving more & more. Then at the optometrists office, they gave the answer, "Hell No, she shouldn't be driving." The really scary thing is that Va DMV tested her 6 mo earlier & gave her a license.
  • Locust ForkLocust Fork Member, Moderator Posts: 29,934 ******
    My sister "needed" a car, so my mother let her have her car with the understanding that she would regularly come and help her.....but my sister is a bit of a train wreck, so that didn't happen.     My dad refused to give up his car and it took him getting pulled over with the option to go to jail or the hospital to make everyone agree we were taking it from him.    Neither of my parents lasted long after the were unable to drive.    I'm not saying taking the keys caused anything, but that the decline was pretty fast at that point for both of them.  
    LOCUST FORK CURRENT AUCTIONS: https://www.gunbroker.com/All/search?Sort=13&IncludeSellers=618902&PageSize=48 Listings added every Thursday! We do consignments, contact us at [email protected]
  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 35,109 ******
    Yes.  My mother's health is declining, physically and mentally.  A natural progression I suppose.  Fortunately, my older sister lives about a mile away from her and takes her out for shopping, doctor appointments, etc.   I live about 90 minutes away by car, so I have to settle for a once-a-day phone call, to see if she is still kicking.
  • KenK/84BravoKenK/84Bravo Member Posts: 7,829 ✭✭✭✭

    I feel for you. My Mom is at that threshold. She is 90, and is getting over a broken hip. I can't see her driving again. (She offered me her car a couple mo. ago, I declined.) If anything we will sell it and route the funds back to her. A fairly new (3/4 yrs old) Toyota Corolla.

    It will pay for the bathroom rehab that Butchdog and his crew graciously took on and just completed. (Thank You Sir.)

    Extreme NE TN/W NC ya'll. 😁

  • asopasop Member Posts: 7,253 ✭✭✭
    Brought the subject up to my Dad after he made a turn "ONTO" the RR tracks rather than waiting for the gates to go up :o. He  read me the riot act!  Got ahold of his doctor and requested HE strongly suggest to him that he give up his lis.  Thank the lord  he acturally listened.  God I hope I'm not like him when I get really old :#  
  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 35,109 ******
    My wife is 16 1/2 years my junior, and a pretty good driver, so if I ever have to quit driving, Dawnie can be my chauffeur. 

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