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The history of man
ATF
Member Posts: 11,683 ✭✭✭
The history of man began some 12,000 years ago. Humans existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunter/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains in the summer and would go to the beach and live on fish & lobster in winter.
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into Liberal women. The rest became known as "Girley-Men" and/or homosexuals.
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals became symbolized by the *.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but enjoy their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of the Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing (besides whining). They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals suffer from the misguided belief that Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and then created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Today, most spend their entire lives waiting for the government to provide them with jobs wherein they can receive payment without having to actually accomplish or produce anything.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
![When a worm wants to relax,does he go fishing? "And remember a wet dog doesn't fly at night" "My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be." ATF,Eagle Guns](When a worm wants to relax,does he go fishing? "And remember a wet dog doesn't fly at night" "My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be." ATF,Eagle Guns)
The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer & the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: Liberals & Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early human ancestors were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how
villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as "the Conservative movement."
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching & hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement. Some of these Liberal men eventually evolved into Liberal women. The rest became known as "Girley-Men" and/or homosexuals.
Some noteworthy Liberal achievements include the invention of group therapy and group hugs and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that Conservatives provided.
Over the years conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals became symbolized by the *.
Modern Liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but enjoy their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, & French food are standard Liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of the Liberal women have higher testosterone levels than their men.
Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are Liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't "fair" to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, soldiers, athletes, and generally anyone who works productively outside government. Conservatives who own companies hire other Conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing (besides whining). They like to "govern" the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals suffer from the misguided belief that Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the Liberals remained in Europe when Conservatives were coming to America. Liberals crept in after the Wild West was tamed and then created a business of trying to get MORE for nothing. Today, most spend their entire lives waiting for the government to provide them with jobs wherein they can receive payment without having to actually accomplish or produce anything.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.
Comments
JBoss......Fear No Fish/peace through superior firepower/If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier!!!!!!!!!A fear of weapons is a sign of retarded sexual and emotional maturity.
--- Sigmond Freud