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Things you might hear a LEO say

dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000 ✭
edited May 2002 in General Discussion
Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new.
They'll stretch out after you wear them awhile."

"Take your hands off the car, and I'll make your birth
certificate a worthless document."

"If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

"Can you run faster than 1,200 feet per second?" (In
case you didn't know, that is the average speed of a 9
mm bullet fired from my gun.)

"So you don't know how fast you were going. I guess
that means I can write anything I want on the ticket,
huh?"

"Yes Sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I
don't think it will help. Oh ... did I mention that I
am the shift supervisor?"

"Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you
not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket."


"The answer to this last question will determine
whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat
or a dog?"

"Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place
where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy, and
step in monkey poop."

"Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife
gets a toaster oven."

"In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

"Just how big were those two beers?"

"No sir we don't have quotas anymore. We used to have
quotas but now we're allowed to write as many tickets
as we want."

"I'm glad to hear the Chief of Police is a good
personal friend of yours. At least you know someone
who can post your bail."


Save, research, then buy the best.Join the NRA, NOW!Teach them young, teach them safe, teach them forever, but most of all, teach them to VOTE!
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Comments

  • FTSLT488FTSLT488 Member Posts: 24 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I pay your salary! (Answer: Give me a raise)
    I pay taxes (like LEO's don't pay them)
    Don't you know who I am? (No, but I'm sure you'll tell me anyway.)
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  • lazywallruslazywallrus Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I could tell just by reading this who the LEO is, FTSLT488 for your own good if you ever go under cover please do not tell any jokes. You will be made instantly......

    Just looking out for you..

    Lazy
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  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Funny. I was rounding our city on highway 69 a while back and approaching the Hwy. 30 on-ramp I moved to the left lane to pass a short line of cars getting onto the highway. An SUV started speeding up in the right lane. Now we have a law in this state that you are not supposed to speed up while being passed. So I stepped on the gas and continued my maneuver around the traffic. Once completed (I have a Grand Prix 6-cyl. so it was not that tough to finish executing the pass) and returned to the right lane -- guess what. The SUV pulls up behind me and it's got PD lights flashing. He pulls me over and says, hey, I clocked you doing 75, then 85, then 95! I started to say that seemed a bit high to me when he said, irritated, "you want a trip downtown?" I said no, and he gave me a "stern warning." I never got a chance to tell the guy that from my standpoint, in an unmarked vehicle, he was trying to beat me and essentially cut me off from my passing maneuver by racing to get ahead in the right lane so he could pull out in front of me. I doubt he was in a hurry to get anywhere, or he wouldn't have had time to bother stopping me. And no, he didn't give me a ticket, just a warning, which makes me wonder all the more if he knew he was technically wrong himself.

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
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  • salzosalzo Member Posts: 6,396 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    "THE DONUT SHOP IS CLOSING IN FIVE MINUTES? QUICK TURN ON THE SIREN AND LIGHTS AND LETS GO!!!"

    Happiness is a warm gun
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  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
    edited November -1
    Offeror, where are you?

    U.S. 69 and I-30 intersect in the city where I work.

    Only badge-heavy bozos string lights in their personal vehicles and go around stopping people off-duty. Sounds like you encountered a reserve, not a real cop.

    SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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  • LowriderLowrider Member Posts: 6,587
    edited November -1
    "Hey Bob, that dude didn't do anything, you really shouldn't have shot him. Quick, put your drop piece in his hand and I'll back-up your story."

    Lord Lowrider the LoquaciousMember:Secret Select Society of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets She was only a fisherman's daughter,But when she saw my rod she reeled.
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  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
    edited November -1
    Lowrider: The medication is not working. Try something else.

    SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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  • AlpineAlpine Member Posts: 15,092 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I think he was supposed to take those pills with milk, not a six pack.

    If you ain't got pictures, I wasn't there.
    ?The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money.?
    Margaret Thatcher

    "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics."
    Mark Twain
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  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    nunn --
    I'm in Fort Wayne, Indiana, where I recently did my part to help defeat anti-gun ex-mayor Paul Helmke in the congressional race against Mark Souder for the new 3rd District seat. Other than that, I hang out in my townhouse on St. Joe Center Road, and shop the gamut of local gun stores from H&H to Boom&Bang to JTL Guns in New Haven. Are you around here?

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
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  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
    edited November -1
    I am in Texas. You mentioned Highways 69 and 30, and in the city where I work, Greenville, U.S. 69 intersects with I-30. I thought you might be from around here.

    SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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  • S&W ManS&W Man Member Posts: 208 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Nunn - Up here we have I-69 and US-30. They intersect on the northwest corner or the burb of Fort Wayne. And a lot of unmarked cars are used in Indiana and some of the locals will pull you over with them in plain clothes. Only the State Police require their officers to be in uniform to stop traffic in an unmarked vehicle. They are so strict on it that a detective that got involved in a prusuit with a fleeing vehicle from a shooting at a bank robbery, alomst lost his job cause he was in a suit and stopped the guy.

    We got some REEEAAALLLL stupid locals in some parts of northern Indiana, but I think we have one of the finest state agencies in the country.

    The second admendment GUARANTEES the other nine and the Constitution!
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  • sandman2234sandman2234 Member Posts: 894 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Saxon... Remember me telling the story about getting stopped in Tenn. in my tractor trailer for being in the wrong lane in the gorge? After getting my ticket, I got "shut down" and was not allow to move the vehicle until I complied with the shut down order. My driver's licence (CDL) does not require any glasses, but the Doctor that did my anual physical checked the wrong box which made it look like I was supposed to wear glasses. I proved to the officer that I could read a sign further down the road than even he could, but he still wouldn't let me leave until I got a pair of glasses to wear. Had to get back to the doctor in Fla to get the mess straightened out.

    Have Gun, will travel
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  • 96harley96harley Member Posts: 3,992 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I talked to an ex-preacher in a resturant recently after he over heard myself and some other officers and fellow citizens talking about an ordeal I'd been through. For some reason after evesdropping he approached my table and asked, "Hey just because you go into a donut shop doesn't mean your a cop does it?" After he walked away we pondered what was said as it could be looked upon as either a low blow or a compliment. I choose it as a compliment. Another officer, who evidenlty did't take it as compimentary stated "Yeah, and just because a guy jumps behind the pulpit doesn't mean he's a preacher either does it?" Had us all thinking.
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  • timberbeasttimberbeast Member Posts: 1,738 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    At the scene of a murder:
    "Damn, I arrested the perp last year for crack possession and the judge let him go!"

    While carrying a small child out of a burning car at an accident caused by a drunk driver:
    "She looks just like my daughter did at that age."

    To me:
    "Sorry for the inconvenience, sir, but you have to keep your speed down around here."

    To my youngest son at about 3 yrs. old:
    "It's okay, buddy! It was just a car accident, and nobody got hurt. Why don't you come on over by my car? You can pick a teddy bear out of the trunk for yourself, and I'll let you sit in the driver's seat!"

    To my oldest son exactly one week ago:
    "Okay, I pulled you over for doing 58 in a 55. You're 19 and driving out of state on a holiday weekend, so I know you have pot."

    "I don't smoke pot anymore."

    "Can I search the car?"

    "No. You have no right to. It's my car."

    "I'll get the dogs and they'll find the pot."

    "Go ahead."

    Dogs came, no pot.

    "I'm sorry, young man, here's your license, and have a good weekend."

    Maybe all of you guys who think cops profiling people is good should give it another thought.
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  • ace22ace22 Member Posts: 544 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sir you were going the wrong way on a one way street.Didn't you see the arrows. Arrows, I didn't even see the Indians. Can I see your drivers license? Sure officer.Can I shoot your gun?
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  • PerrograndePerrogrande Member Posts: 52 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Things not to say to a cop when you're pulled over...

    I only had one officer Mr. Keg..
    Back off Barney, I've got a piece.
    Want to race to the station, Sparky?
    I know I was weaving, but I can't find the Honeycomb Hideout!
    On the way to the station let's get a twelve pack.
    You'll never get those cuffs on me...
    Come on write the ticket, the bars close in 20 minutes!
    Hey, wasn't your daughter a pork queen?
    How long is this going to take? My wife is expecting me.
    I'm surprised you stopped me, Dunkin Donuts has a 3 for 1 special!
    Yeah you can see my license and registration, officer, but could you hold my beer for a minute?
    Hey, you must've been doing' about 125mph (200km/h) to keep up with me! Good job!
    Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
    I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a Police Officer.
    Excuse me. Is "stick up" hyphenated?
    You know, I was going to be cop, but I decided to finish high school instead.
    "Bad Cop! No Donut!"
    I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are cars around, that's how far I am behind the other cars.
    You're NOT gonna check the trunk, are you?
    Didn't I see you get kicked on "COPS" last week on TV?
    I bet I could grab that gun before you finish writing my ticket
    So, uh, you "on the take", or what?
    Gee, officer! That's terrific. The police officer yesterday only gave me a warning too!
    Do you know why you pulled me over? Good, at least one of us does.
    So, are you still crabby because your mamma didn't let you play with your gun when you were little?
    Hey is that a 9 mm? That's nothing compared to this .44 magnum.
    When you smack the crap outta me, make sure you smile for the video camcorder.
    Is it true that people become policemen because they are too dumb to work at McDonalds?
    Aren't you one of the Village People?



    Edited by - nunn on 05/31/2002 15:23:08
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  • PerrograndePerrogrande Member Posts: 52 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sorry about that nunn.
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  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
    edited November -1
    No sweat.



    SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
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