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Funny Stuff...On Marriage
nunn
Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,085 ******
You have two choices in life: you can stay single and be miserable or get married and wish you were dead." W.W. Renwick
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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
......................................................
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
.....................................................
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".... Next day she received a hundred letters. (Just 100)
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
......................................................
The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
......................................................
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
......................................................
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
......................................................
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
.......................................................
Young Son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
.......................................................
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."
.......................................................
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
......................................................
Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
.......................................................
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
.......................................................
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
.......................................................
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
......................................................
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
.......................................................
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
......................................................
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
He said - "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said - "That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and poot."
He said - "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
She said - "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere..."
Written just below it: "I do not!"
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
......................................................
Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends. You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.
......................................................
After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife, "You know I was a fool when I married you.
She replied, "Yes dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."
.....................................................
A lady inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Husband wanted".... Next day she received a hundred letters. (Just 100)
They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
......................................................
The bride, upon getting engaged, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!"
Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"
......................................................
When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.
......................................................
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
......................................................
Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.
.......................................................
Young Son: "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad: "That happens in every country, son."
.......................................................
Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; by then it was too late."
.......................................................
Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.
......................................................
Personally, I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that as both husband and father, I can say anything I want to around the house. Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.
.......................................................
My wife told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends.
.......................................................
How do most men define marriage? A very expensive way to get your laundry done for free.
.......................................................
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.
......................................................
Words to live by: Do not argue with a spouse who is packing your parachute.
.......................................................
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
......................................................
A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says, "I'll miss you."
He said - "Shall we try swapping positions tonight?"
She said - "That's a good idea...you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and poot."
He said - "What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?"
She said - "Turn sideways and look in the mirror."
Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumor.
On wall in ladies room: "My husband follows me everywhere..."
Written just below it: "I do not!"
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net