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American and Canada to merge

PelicanPelican Member Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭✭
edited December 2001 in General Discussion
US and Canadian leaders announced today that their two countries are merging in order to reduce operating costs and increase production efficiencies. "We're simply following the trend created by corporations who find this a quick way to increase market share and reduce expenses," explains the government's new architect, 23-year-old MBA and investment banker, Billy Smurtz . "We've created the first multi-national country." The new country, which will be named Canadusa, is expected to reduce both governments' operating costs by thirty percent, with 59 million Canadusians expected to be laid off. "Yes, there will be some disruptions," explains Smurtz, "but they're nothing we can't overcome. We've got to crank out some new flags, constitutions, money, and stuff like that. But the long-term cost savings far outweigh the disadvantages. We'll save three billion a year just by closing down all those border crossings, not to mention shutting down that whole Washington DC thing. Who can argue with that?" "There are already so many similarities," he adds. "They've got baseball, we've got baseball. They've got hockey, we've got hockey. They drive on the right side of the road, so do we. If we hadn't told you about it, you wouldn't even know we did it." And the plan doesn't stop there. "We'd like to get Mexico into the operation as soon as possible," he says. "But that whole language, heritage thing they have down there is causing problems with the takeover." Citizens in both countries are divided about the plan. One Canadian explains: "They've got that great military superpower thing going for them down there, eh? We've got to love becoming part of that." One American surfer remarked, "Yeah, I guess it's okay. But it's cold up there, isn't it? Couldn't we find a warmer country with better beaches, like Australia? Now that would be cool." Some US critics of the plan argue that there are more important issues at stake than just saving money. Like patriotism. But Smurtz argues that they're just being sentimental. "You watch. They'll get over it the first day they see a cut in their taxes. Besides, they're gonna get their own province."

Comments

  • simonbssimonbs Member Posts: 994
    edited November -1
    I'm moving to Antartica. (as soon as I learn how to spell it). I'll replace deer hunting with polar bear hunting, dove hunting with penguin hunting, and fishing with seal hunting. I can use a glacier for a backstop at my new 1,000 yard range.Who's in?
  • beachmaster73beachmaster73 Member Posts: 3,011 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Well simons I might go with you but there's no polar bears in Antarctica......got to take a trip North to find them....however there are an awful lot of tourist ships showing up there now.....Something like a 700% increase in tourism there in the last two or three years....those Russian cruise ships have to make money somehow. Beach
  • simonbssimonbs Member Posts: 994
    edited November -1
    Boy, I feel like a dumba$$. Maybe I'll go to Santa's territory then. That's way too many tourists to suit me.
  • etc12819etc12819 Member Posts: 140 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    then you dont want to go to North Pole, Alaska and see Santa Clause's house, because that is one of the biggest tourist attractions outside of Fairbanks
  • dakotashooter2dakotashooter2 Member Posts: 6,186
    edited November -1
    I don't like Canada getting top billing. And what is this merge crap. Lets just take the country. We can go in and take the few guns they have left after we get their registration lists."Resistance is futile"
  • simonbssimonbs Member Posts: 994
    edited November -1
    That's cool. Then I could hunt MOOSE!!!
  • CAndres35CAndres35 Member Posts: 453 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    IF WE COULD GET BOTH CANADA AND MEXICO WE COULD CALL IT THE UNITED STATES OF NORTH AMERICA. WE COULD DO AWAY WITH ALL THE BORDER PATROLS EXCEPT FOR PANAMA AND WE HAVE A MOTE THERE TO HELP US. WE COULD FISH IN THOSE GREAT BASS LAKES IN THE SOUTH AND SHOOT 25 GEESE A DAY IN A LONGER SEASON AND EVERYONE COULD WEAR SILVER BRACELETS AND HAVE WALRUS IVORY PISTOL GRIPS. HEY I AM GETTING ENTHUSED OVER TIS IMPOSSIBL VENTURE. CARL
  • Judge DreadJudge Dread Member Posts: 2,372 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    What is the operation codename : Uncle Sam meets Uncle F***ER ????
    Ignis Natura Renovatur Integram
  • LowriderLowrider Member Posts: 6,587
    edited November -1
    So, does this mean Gordon Lightfoot will get a Cabinet Post or sumpthin'?
    Lord Lowrider the LoquaciousMember:Secret Select Society of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets She was only a fisherman's daughter,But when she saw my rod she reeled.
  • Walt NunleyWalt Nunley Member Posts: 228 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    UH A CUT IN TAXES?CANADIANS PAY ALOT MORE TAXES THAN WE DO,AND MOST OF THEIR WEALTHY COME TO THE USA AND PAY FULL PRICE FOR MEDICAL CARE BECAUSE OF BEURACRATIC BACKLOGS IN THE EVERYTHING IS COVERED MEDICAL PLAN .OH AND THERE IS THAT LITTLE THING ABOUT TURNING IN ALL YOUR HANDGUNS AND REGISTERING ALL YOUR RIFLES!OTHER THAN THAT IM FOR IT.WE WOULD NO LONGER HAVE TO PAY IMPORT TAX ON MOOSEHEAD MOLSON AND LABATTS.THE CANADIANS WOULD NO LONGER HATE AMERICAN HOCKEY PLAYERS BORN OF CANADIAN PARENTS THAT PLAY FOR U.S. TEAMS CAUSE THEY WERE BORN IN AMERICA.CANADA WOULD HAVE REAL FOOTBALL NOT JUST THE MINOR LEAGUES BUT OH WELL
    Submarine Sailor,Truck Driver,and very bad typist.GO RUSTY #2
  • timberbeasttimberbeast Member Posts: 1,738 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I hear they have some pilings for rent around Cheasapeake Bay, Pelican.
  • PelicanPelican Member Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Nope Beaster, way to damn cold up there fer this old bird. I be more the carrabeein type.
  • jetjet Member Posts: 543 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I dont like it one bitHave you seen what they charge for a six-pack
  • PelicanPelican Member Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Hey guys, I posted this on a delfi forum called the "Blackboard", seems to be predominately Canadian. These folks seemed to know it was a joke but also started pointing out everything that was wrong with the post and the idea. No Poop. I told 'em they take life way to damn serious.
    "Audemus jura nostra defendere"- - - - - - - - - - - - -It is hard to make a comeback if you have never been on top.
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