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The Modern Will Rogers.
whiteclouder
Member Posts: 10,574 ✭✭✭
I don't usually do the cut and paste thing but this is good.?
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am
?George Carlin.
?I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks. I
?believe the money I make belongs to me and my family
?and not some midlevel governmental functionary with a
?bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack
?addicts squirting out babies.
?I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, gas,
?or a Slurppie,you had damn well better do it in
?English. If you can't speak the language, go back to
?your own miserable country. If you stay here, get that
?towel off your head, shave and take a bath.
?I'm not in touch with my feelings, nor my feminine
?side and I like it that way. If you are, that is fine.
?However, that does not make you morally or
?intellectually superior to the rest of us. No one
?cares and we don't want to hear about it. I believe
?that it doesn't take a village to raise a child; it
?takes two parents.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the
Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches? And where does he get
his money? And why is he always part of the problem
and not the solution?
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is
sex, and it is sex for both of you. Even if you are
the President of the United States; it is.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any
more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In
fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your
pansy * through 4 to 7 years of college after Uncle
Sam has taken 40% of their take home pay, you haven't
begun to be enlightened. Get a job and stop being a
drain on your parents.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her
God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. I
believe everyone has a right to his or her own
sexuality, but in private. Private is just that,
private. I did not ask, so you don't tell. If you do
tell me, then don't try to explain why dating outside
you?species makes you a protected minority. Just crawl
back in your hole and shut-up. No, I do not want to
see the pictures !! No, I am not going to your parade !!
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I
don't think being a minority makes you noble or
victimized. I don't use the excuse "it's for the
children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or
actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever
canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I don't hate the
rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is
fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all
those experts now, when I am freezing my * through a
long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave. I didn't
wander forty years in the desert after getting chased
out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been
persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut
up already.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry
* if you're running from them. I also think they
have the right to pull your * over if you are
breaking the law, regardless of your color.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot
works, I don't want you deciding who should be running
the most powerful nation of the world for the next
four years. Hell, I don't want you deciding the next
dog catcher.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not
passing, your license should be revoked, and you
should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to
never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the
perfect food.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want
them, but please don't pretend they are a political
statement.
Now that I have a grandchild, I realize Dr. Seuss was
a genius. Where is his Nobel Prize?
?If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD
?American. If you too are a BAD American please forward
?this to everyone you know.
?We need our country back!
I agree.
Clouder..
I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am
?George Carlin.
?I like big cars, big hooters, and big paychecks. I
?believe the money I make belongs to me and my family
?and not some midlevel governmental functionary with a
?bad comb-over who wants to give it away to crack
?addicts squirting out babies.
?I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, gas,
?or a Slurppie,you had damn well better do it in
?English. If you can't speak the language, go back to
?your own miserable country. If you stay here, get that
?towel off your head, shave and take a bath.
?I'm not in touch with my feelings, nor my feminine
?side and I like it that way. If you are, that is fine.
?However, that does not make you morally or
?intellectually superior to the rest of us. No one
?cares and we don't want to hear about it. I believe
?that it doesn't take a village to raise a child; it
?takes two parents.
I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer.
I want to know which church is it exactly where the
Reverend Jesse Jackson preaches? And where does he get
his money? And why is he always part of the problem
and not the solution?
I believe if she has her lips on your willie, it is
sex, and it is sex for both of you. Even if you are
the President of the United States; it is.
I think that being a student doesn't give you any
more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In
fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your
pansy * through 4 to 7 years of college after Uncle
Sam has taken 40% of their take home pay, you haven't
begun to be enlightened. Get a job and stop being a
drain on your parents.
I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her
God or gods, just leave the rest of us out of it. I
believe everyone has a right to his or her own
sexuality, but in private. Private is just that,
private. I did not ask, so you don't tell. If you do
tell me, then don't try to explain why dating outside
you?species makes you a protected minority. Just crawl
back in your hole and shut-up. No, I do not want to
see the pictures !! No, I am not going to your parade !!
I believe it's called the Boy Scouts for a reason. I
don't think being a minority makes you noble or
victimized. I don't use the excuse "it's for the
children" as a shield for unpopular opinions or
actions.
I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.
My heroes are John Wayne, the Simpsons, and whoever
canceled Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. I don't hate the
rich. I don't pity the poor. I know wrestling is
fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.
I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all
those experts now, when I am freezing my * through a
long winter?
I've never owned a slave, or was a slave. I didn't
wander forty years in the desert after getting chased
out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been
persecuted by the Turks and neither have you, so shut
up already.
I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry
* if you're running from them. I also think they
have the right to pull your * over if you are
breaking the law, regardless of your color.
I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot
works, I don't want you deciding who should be running
the most powerful nation of the world for the next
four years. Hell, I don't want you deciding the next
dog catcher.
I think if you are in the passing lane, and not
passing, your license should be revoked, and you
should be forced to ride the bus until you promise to
never delay the rest of us again.
I think beef jerky could quite possibly be the
perfect food.
I think tattoos and piercing are fine if you want
them, but please don't pretend they are a political
statement.
Now that I have a grandchild, I realize Dr. Seuss was
a genius. Where is his Nobel Prize?
?If that makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD
?American. If you too are a BAD American please forward
?this to everyone you know.
?We need our country back!
I agree.
Clouder..
Comments
barto
the hard stuff we do right away - the impossible takes a little longer
Most of it is good all the same.
Happiness is a warm gun
Well I was gunna, But I ant now.
Guns! Guns! Guns!