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Use this on your liberal friends (if'n ya got any)

PelicanPelican Member Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭✭
edited February 2002 in General Discussion
Dear Liberal:Thank you for your recent whiney-assed letter criticizing the treatment of the Taliban and El Quieda detainees being held atGuantanamo Bay, Cuba. As part of the Administration's Liberal Re-training Program, you'll be pleased to learn that theAdministration has decided to place one detainee under your exclusive care.Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to your personal residence on Monday. The detainee is to be cared for pursuant tothe standards you strongly recommended in your letter of admonishment.It will be necessary that you hire your own caretakers. We will also conduct weekly inspections, of course, to assure that yourdetainee is actually being cared for in the manner you personally prescribed.His meal requirements are simple, but we strongly suggest using menus that do not require utensils. While he does bite, the rabies test was negative, although he does have a bad case of body lice that wehaven't completely remedied. While he is sociopathic and very psychotic, we do welcome your promised efforts to overcome that"attitudinal problem" with your promised counseling and home schooling.He's extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combat and can extinguish human life with such simple items as a pencil or light bulb. We do not suggest that you ask him to demonstrate these proficiencies at your next bridge party. He also has the ability to make a variety of lethal bombs fromcommon household products, so you may wish to keep those items locked up, notwithstanding that it may conflict with your moral values or disrupt your maid's daily routine.Please heed the large orange notice attached to your detainee's cage."Does not play well with others". Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, with the change of seasons, assuming that it rains, and washes his clothes simultaneously. That should help with your water bill. Be assured, your detainee absolutely loves pets of all kinds, but isespecially fond of cats and dogs. He prefers them roasted.You take good care of our detainee now.
The Almighty Himself Entrusted the Future of All Living Creatures to a Wooden Boat.- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -"Audemus jura nostra defendere"

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