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secrets to a happy marriage

Harleeman1030Harleeman1030 Member Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
edited August 2002 in General Discussion
1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.

2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.

3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.

4. It is important that these three women never meet.

Harleeman1030@aol.com

Comments

  • TazmuttTazmutt Member Posts: 862 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Hehehe - Very important Harlee
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    And for women... just substitute the word woman in each one for man... except on the
    Its important to find a woman that likes to have sex.... in that one substitute

    Its important to find a man who knows how to make love.. 50% dont.


    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • Harleeman1030Harleeman1030 Member Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Here we go with more male bashing 50% women just lay there now that's more like it...

    Harleeman1030@aol.com
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    Hey Harleeman...Maybe men should try giving them a reason to move....



    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • Harleeman1030Harleeman1030 Member Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    hwehehehehehehehehehehehe well think about it male bashing is not very nice who says 50% of us don't know ??????

    Harleeman1030@aol.com
  • bartobarto Member Posts: 4,734 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    i feel compelled to ask just how large a sample did you folks take to arrive at these percentages?
    barto

    the hard stuff we do right away - the impossible takes a little longer
  • v35v35 Member Posts: 12,710 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    20% of a fair sample of women with an emotional attachement know how to move. If you include oriental "Working Girls" the number drops to a generous 1%. Men are shortchanged.
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    barto..
    I dont "do samples".... I am medical... I have the studies..

    v35
    Men are shortchanged?... Bull tweet!! OOOOOOOOPS>. let me retract that... they only get shortchanged cause they shortchange the women first.... nanananannanannana...*LOL


    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • JustCJustC Member Posts: 16,056 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'd settle for them moving occasionaly, if they would just offer up the opportunity to practice once in a while. Wedding cake has to be the most effective birth control on the market

    A great rifle with a junk scope,....is junk.
  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Actually, there are a significant number of women out there who, if you can get them to be frank with you, will admit they don't enjoy the actual "dirty deed" all that much. Those are the kind I'd like to eliminate a little earlier on, because eventually it becomes a problem.

    There's actually a line in the AA literature, when talking to people who may have had sex problems in the past, that says somethine like "we believe our sex powers are God-given, and therefore good." That for me is the bottom line. There is nothing "wrong" with a person who actually enjoys sex. In fact, they are healthy and no doubt better mentally adjusted than those who have problems with it.

    There are few absolutes in life, but that, for me, is one. Sexual powers are God-given, and therefore basically good, between two consenting adults. I can't afford a woman who disagrees with that basic premise. They wind up treating a guy who likes sex as a "perpetrator." Not good.

    I decided to indulge in a little self promotion (heheheheh!)

    Offeror

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878

    Edited by - offeror on 08/15/2002 12:05:40
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    Exactly offeror... and its usually because of mothers telling them as they were growing up, that to enjoy it was wrong...only "bad girls" enjoy it... the second reason is because of partners that "dont care", very rarely is it due to a medical condition....

    There are countless studies showing that the person (male or female) that enjoys sex is healthier, lives longer, more stable, and generally happier than those who dont...and believe it or not, there are men that dont care for sex... not just the female of the species..


    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • IconoclastIconoclast Member Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    X-RING, JustC!!!

    BR, in all honesty, I think many men match the unflattering profile you paint, but in equal honesty there is considerable evidence to support the masculine gripes being expressed here.
  • dhdh Member Posts: 127 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    If a person is not satisfied with his or her partner in the begining then there is no reason to go any further,like marriage.If somewhere along a once satisfied marriage one or the other becomes dissatisfied then it should be marked up as getting old.I'm 44 and I know eventually I will start slowing down,so I'm told.It's all part of life.I'm glad my wife doesn't read these.
  • NighthawkNighthawk Member Posts: 12,022 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Im going to live forever

    Rugster


    Tou Jours Pret

    Edited by - Rugster on 08/15/2002 12:40:16

    Edited by - Rugster on 08/15/2002 12:41:43
  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    BR--
    The other major cause of problems is a history of abuse, which seems to have the universal reaction of cheapening the act for the person involved and/or making it disgusting. I agree, it's far more often mental than physical, when it's a medical condition. Therapy is likely to be of the psychological variety, not the physical.

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
  • dads-freeholddads-freehold Member Posts: 1,361 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    greetings, sex is like the weather, everybody talks about it , nobody does.....ahh nobodies listening anyway. respt submitted dads-freehold
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    dh
    Dont believe the stories of slowing down... if you maintain an active enjoyable sex life now, you will continue to do so even in to your 70's..barring any medical complications like diabetes..

    Iconclast..
    While its true that men are like the profile painted,, I said it was around 50%... the other 50% are wonderful, generous, loving, tender..feel free to put any adjective there.. *LOL



    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • JustCJustC Member Posts: 16,056 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    OK, I have to take a stab at the physical thing. How is it that some women who sit at a desk for 9 hrs a day actually think that we would beleive they are TIRED!! WHAT?????? you didn't burn but 10 calories all day long, how can you be tired?

    Ok, so what all can guys do, to be considered loving and caring and insert any adjective you like. Inquiring minds want to know. If we don't run around, handle our share of the house work, take you to dinners, say we love you multiple times a day, spend the quite quality time together, just what types of subtle things can we do that would increase a womens sex drive? I do everything I can to be the husband that makes the other wives say "isn't he a great husband" LETS HEAR IT LADYS, LET US IN ON THE SECRET. PAAAALEEEEEEEEEEZZZZZZ it can only help us all.

    BR, what medical conditions would exist causing this? chemical? hormonal? imbalance?


    A great rifle with a junk scope,....is junk.
  • mudgemudge Member Posts: 4,225 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Wait a minute here. All of you are WRONG!
    The only thing guys have to learn to have a happy marriage is 5 easy words.....
    "I'm sorry. It's my fault."

    Slow down as we get older? HORSE HOCKEY!!! I'm 67 and Mrs. Mudge says......well...never mind what she says...

    Mudge the STUD

    I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!
  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    A lesson I learned early on is women want to share their daily experiences more for a sympathetic ear than for action. Men, when they hear of a problem, want to FIX it. They recommend solutions, sometimes rather adamantly. This is a huge mistake. Let them talk, be supportive, and let it go. You can't go down to their place of work and fix their problems for them. Nor do they mean for you to, just because they told you about them. If you try to force a solution for every problem they share with you, they will simply think you are "controlling."

    A woman who sits at a desk all day may say tired when she means wound tight, preoccupied. Relaxing after work is important, but requires unwinding. Men can help women unwind by helping them find the time and inclination for a shower or long bath, a back rub, or some chocolates. Maybe a little low light, a little incense, maybe something catered in by Waiter on the Way. If you hate giving backrubs, get a vibrator -- no, not that kind, a good Swedish massage vibrator that will do the work for you when you rub her back or legs and feet. That's what a woman who is "tired" from the office needs to relax. And a little mental diversion -- music, comedy, light entertainment, whatever. A moderate drink of alcohol, for non-addicts of course, is also good. No need for a major push. You don't even have to break a sweat. Just a little cooperation is enough.

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
  • JustCJustC Member Posts: 16,056 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Offeror, I hear you on the sympathetic ear point. I used to try and help fix it all, now I just don't know how to act. You know how it is, guys want to fix it, NOW, but when you know that's wrong, how do you help and not be controlling at the same time. That one has been hard for me. I am go go go all the time, I act on things you know?

    The tired thing, well.......how long does it take to relax? what kind of light entertainment have you found works? We are still a young couple who are into building our careers and trying to secure retirement and all that good stuff. It is a busy time in your life, and yes, it is when you are learning about finances, investing, career goals and advancement etc, so it is fast paced. But it also the point in your life when sex should be enjoyable and experimental, and fun. (don't anyone run away with that, you know what I mean). How does one begin to manage it all and NOT have your wife/girlfriend etc not feel tired? There has to be a formula for it. What wisdom can you bestow upon the younger members to help us all along the path.

    A great rifle with a junk scope,....is junk.
  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Despite his shameless attempt at self promotion I agree with Offeror.
    Remember, always be a gentleman and in ANY situation 'LADIES first!'

    Munke... er... Seth.

    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    ASK her. Find out what she likes. You can't "make" her not tired by some magic formula. All you can do is be supportive and not make remarks. You can argue with what people think about something, but you can't argue with how they feel. Honor her feelings, do what you can. Assuming you haven't hooked up with someone incompatible, she'll help you help her to feel better. If she has a chronic problem and no answers, she may either a) prefer to keep it that way, or b) be willing to be counseled to find out why, given her preference, she hardly ever is in the mood for sex (if that's what we're talking about).

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ps. A good backup plan might be sabotaging the 'MASSAGER' if there is one lurking around the house.


    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
  • IconoclastIconoclast Member Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    BR, just to clarify, I said "many" not "all" or a particular percentage . And there are males who are in fact, tender, loving, affectionate, supportive, kind, etc. for whom those qualities don't translate into a satisfying relationship in certain important respects. FWIW - JMHO.
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    There was a typo in my post about slowing down.. the 70's should have been 90's... There are even accounts of men becoming fathers in their 80's...

    As for sitting at a desk all day and being tired...its a proven fact, mentally tired is more draining than physically tired...

    A difference in sex drives is the one of the most common reasons couples go into therapy... ONE.. not the only...One partner wants it all the time.. the other seems to never want it.. It is normal.. no two people have the same sex drive.. you have to talk to each other and reach a common ground..

    JustC.. the secret?.. there is none really.. except the most common complaint women have about men.. FOREPLAY... and it all starts with the mind...
    Foreplay starts with a look, glass of wine, music.etc....its not a "feel"..a pinch, a poke, then whammo!!!...

    Read the other posts.. offeror, iconclast all offer good advice...but the most important thing?... ASK HER...


    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • Harleeman1030Harleeman1030 Member Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    DANG LITTLE OL ME STARTED THIS LMAO

    Harleeman1030@aol.com
  • 4wheeler4wheeler Member Posts: 3,441
    edited November -1
    Marriage needs to be give and take,this takes a few years for men to figure out.Women have feelings and we need to keep our mouth shut and listen to those feelings.I learned all the above the hard way and I am still in training.I think I am glad to hear the comment about into your 90`s thing, if only I would live that long.By the way, some excellent comments by some of the men and women on this thread.By the way there is more than one thing on a womans body, could be as simple as a good back massage.

    "It was like that when I got here".
  • mudgemudge Member Posts: 4,225 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Brings to mind the LMAO line from Mrs. Doubtfire when she says: "My husband's idea of foreplay was....BRACE YOURSELF EFFIE!!!"

    Mudge the stud

    I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!
  • v35v35 Member Posts: 12,710 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Black Roses- How can you speak for other women?
  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427
    edited November -1
    I have seen and read the studies, plus countless hours of research... all you have to do is a quick search on the web and you will get the same info that is in all published reports...

    Speak for other women?.. I dont have to.. they spoke for themselves.. Masters and Johnson for one, proved that..


    Lil' Stinker's opinion
  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    We all can speak not only for ourselves but for the people of our acquaintance and/or experience. Anybody who only knows what he himself thinks has spent an awful long time not paying attention to anyone else.

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
  • Harleeman1030Harleeman1030 Member Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Last but not least if all else fails use prozac,loratab...lol

    THERAPY is a cope out that's how i feel and will always feel
    my wife and mother both in the Med. field..

    Studies: most of them are BS in my mind wait a few years the same people will say well now i think this might be the way

    Harleeman1030@aol.com

    Be quite honey i know what i am doing ...
    !!!!!KaBOOM!!!!!

    Edited by - harleeman1030 on 08/16/2002 05:38:43
  • dhdh Member Posts: 127 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I have tried several approaches in the last 20 years of coping in a marriage several methods,and I am 100% serious.My sister calls me a male chovenoux(sp)pig.(1)"You what,no,I'll do the thinking,O.K.?" (2)"Who do you think you are?You aren't nobody,I'm running this operation" (3)"Do I love you? Well I'm here aint I?" O.K.,I'm a junior member and now all of you hate me,I'm sorry.To be honest this is the 1st,well 2nd time I have put it all on the line here.I will also say that none of the above mentioned "methods" have been successful,not for very long anyway.HOWEVER. My wife at the very least knows how I feel. Isn't this considered at least some success at communicating? O.K., I'm ready for my thrashing.
  • JustCJustC Member Posts: 16,056 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    dh, I din't see the need for a thrashing. I share some of that viewpoint as well. As we all know, MANY men have that open up and tell them exactly how we are feeling deficiencey. I think, and see, a lot of men saying what they think their partner wants to hear, not exactly what's on our/their mind, for fear of hearing, "you *" or "I can't beleive you just said that to me", a self defense mechanism if you will. When trying to, run the mid-line and keep everything in balance, sometimes what you want to say is detrimental at that moment, but quite possibly beneficial in the future, as she will no doubt no how you feel about the next time. So if you are always stating the straight up truth, every time, then good for you.

    As for a formula, I realize that it's just like a handload, every women is different, just like every rifle, so the recipe has to be exact and tailored only to one. Now, it is the determination of the components for the recipe which poses a particularly difficult task. As many people have found out, sometimes the least expected thing, action, or activity, may cause an unexpected spark or emotional response. I guess it is an activity in trial and error, taking into account things which you know are enjoyable or needed to and by your partner. No doubt, it is an ongoing process which requires constant maintanance and subtle changes. I learn more and more every day, but am as of yet, far from perfectly in tune. However, hearing suggestions and examples from other members does help to add fuel to the effort and enlighten those of us who are in younger stages of relationships and marriages than some of our more experienced members. I for one take to heart all advice I can from succesful spouses who have endeavored in the marriage arena longer than I, and maintained a level of success.

    Offeror and Black Roses, I appreciate your responses and experiences.

    4wheeler, I too, am still learning every day.

    Teak, I know we are reading off the same page.



    A great rifle with a junk scope,....is junk.
  • concealedG36concealedG36 Member Posts: 3,566 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    quote:
    1. It is important to find a woman that cooks and cleans.

    2. It is important to find a woman that makes good money.

    3. It is important to find a woman that likes to have sex.

    4. It is important that these three women never meet.

    Harleeman1030@aol.com



    I still think it would just be easier to keep the three women from meeting each other!

    Gun Control Disarms Victims, NOT Criminals
  • Harleeman1030Harleeman1030 Member Posts: 1,505 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    roflmao @ concealed

    Harleeman1030@aol.com

    Be quite honey i know what i am doing ...
    !!!!!KaBOOM!!!!!
  • v35v35 Member Posts: 12,710 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    A good day to day working relationship seems to work.
    There has to be a giver and a taker,not two takers.
  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    A favorite counselor/public speaker of mine says that even gay couples understand that it works better when one is masculine and the other feminine.

    She says that when a person has all the qualities of both and is vowing to stand on his or her "own two feet," they are much better suited to remain alone for life than be in a partnership.

    She says a good relationship is like slow dancing, where only one partner can lead at a time, but you may switch off depending on what's going on, as long as there is cooperation and agreement about it.

    Another of my favorite speakers on relationships says since there are so many dysfunctional couples, it is "normal" in this country to be dysfunctional. So if you want a healthy relationship, you have to be willing to be abnormal. I like this kind of thinking.

    I am not a male chauvinist pig, nor would I consider myself "more" of a man if I were. I like smart, accomplished women. But it is nice when they can cook once in a while too.

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
  • timberbeasttimberbeast Member Posts: 1,738 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    The secret to a happy marriage has nothing to do with cooking, cleaning, sex, taking out the garbage or washing the car, even. It's two people who love each other and respect each other. If you have that, the rest follows easily, and are mutually shared. People who are really in love understand what I'm saying. Those who don't, your time will come. And it will be the best time of your life.
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