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Old Age
aglore
Member Posts: 6,012
Two elderly women were eating at a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear?" Mabel answered, "I have a suppository?" She pulled it out &stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know where my hearing aid is."
To Ride, shoot straight,and speak the truth
This was the Ancient law of Youth
Old times are past, old times are done:
But the Law runs true, O little son!
To Ride, shoot straight,and speak the truth
This was the Ancient law of Youth
Old times are past, old times are done:
But the Law runs true, O little son!
Comments
To Ride, shoot straight,and speak the truth
This was the Ancient law of Youth
Old times are past, old times are done:
But the Law runs true, O little son!
"I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today.."
The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me."
As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming up," says the bartender.
As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one too."
The old woman says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water."
"Coming right up," the bartender says.
As he gives her the drink, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?"
The old woman replies,
"Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue."
__________________________________________________________
"OLD" IS WHEN . Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!"
"OLD" IS WHEN . Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door.
"OLD" IS WHEN . Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.
"OLD" IS WHEN ..."Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.
"OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all-nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom.
AND
"OLD" IS WHEN ... You are not sure these are jokes
This is how it goes:
I decide to wash the car. I start toward the garage and I notice the mail on the table. Ok, I'm going to wash the car, but first I'm going to go through the mail.
I lay the car keys down on the desk, discard the junk mail and I notice the trash can is full. Ok, I'll just put the bills on my desk and take the trash can out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox anyway, I'll pay these few bills first.
Now, where is my checkbook? Oops, there's only one check left. My extra checks are in my desk. Oh, there's the coke I was drinking. I'm going to look for those checks. But first I need to put my coke further away from the computer. Oh, maybe I'll pop it into the fridge to keep it cold for a while.
I head towards the kitchen and my flowers catch my eye; they need some water. I set the coke on the counter and uh oh! There are my glasses. I was looking for them all morning! I'd better put them away first. I fill a container with water and head for the flower pots --
Aaaaaagh!
Someone left the TV remote in the kitchen. We'll never think to look in the kitchen tonight when we want to watch television so I'd better put it back in the family room where it belongs.
I splash some water into the pots and onto the floor, I throw the remote onto a soft cushion on the sofa and I head back down the hall trying to figure out what it was I was going to do?
End of Day:
The car isn't washed, the bills are unpaid, the coke is sitting on the kitchen counter, the flowers are half watered, the checkbook still only has one check in it and I can't seem to find my car keys! When I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY LONG!!!
I realize this is a serious condition and I'll get help, BUT FIRST I think I'll check my e-mail...
AlleninAlaska
He who dares not offend cannot be honest.
-- Thomas Paine
I have decided shelves, many, many shelves, are the answer. I need things out where I can see them, or I'd put doors on all the shelves. But I still have a place for everything, and everything in its place -- if only I could remember where I decided that was....
- Life NRA Member
"If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
want to start a lot of things, and nothing gets done. Think they
should shoot anyone over 70. Reminds me of the old Bing Crosby
song "running in around in circles getting nowhere mighty fast".
Yes, I am over 70, well over. However today I did concentrate and get 3 guns
cleaned, finally.But, still need to do a lot of reloading, but not
today. Maybe tomorro. Or next week.
Happy A.A.A.D.D. to you too.
My night started out bad (at work), this mad me