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From the redneck book of manners joke
savage170
Member Posts: 37,566 ✭✭✭✭
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home
***DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the
restaurant may not have dogs.
***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his
manners are.
***PERSONAL HYGI ENE ***
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods
***DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
Will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the
answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such
as, " Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."
***WEDDINGS***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
Cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in
the sack.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered poor taste to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is
still considered tacky to drive a U-Haul to the funeral home
***DINING OUT ***
1. If drinking directly from the bottle, always hold it with your
fingers covering the label.
2. Avoid throwing bones and food scraps on the floor as the
restaurant may not have dogs.
***ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME ***
1. A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared
by a taxidermist.
2. Do not allow the dog to eat at the table no matter how good his
manners are.
***PERSONAL HYGI ENE ***
1. While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that
should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.
2. Proper use of toiletries can forestall bathing for several
days. However, if you live alone, deodorant is a waste of good money.
3. Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they
tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of
finger foods
***DATING (Outside the Family) ***
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been
wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom
wall two years ago."
3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some
Will say 10:00 PM; others might say "Monday." If the latter is the
answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.
4. Always have a positive comment about your date's appearance, such
as, " Ya sure don't sweat much for a fat broad."
***WEDDINGS***
1. Livestock, usually, is a poor choice for a wedding gift.
2. Kissing the bride for more than 5 seconds may get you shot.
3. For the groom, at least, rent a tux. A leisure suit with a
Cummerbund and a clean bowling shirt can create too sporty an
appearance.
4. Though uncomfortable, say "yes" to socks and shoes for this
special occasion.
5. It is not appropriate to tell the groom how good his wife is in
the sack.
Comments
Clean freak, fighting a messy environment. That's my story, and I'm sticking to it.
Oh, they are from Ohio.