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Mike And Nord
dav1965
Member Posts: 26,540 ✭✭✭
When i was going through cancer, 5 or 6 surgerys, chemo and radiation. It was the little things that hurt me so bad.
The very first thing they did to me was pull 4 teeth. There was nothing wrong with them but they pulled them because i had a filling in them that was pretty deep.
They said if i had to have teeth pulled after cancer they would have to put me in a hyperbaric chamber for a month just to get a tooth pulled.
It hurt me so bad to not have all my teeth. They told me i could not get one that they drill a post in your jaw because of the radiation.
The other thing that hurt me so bad was when i lost a lot of my hair.
Then their was the time i was sick about 8 months and my grand baby asked me why i would not play ball with him anymore. He asked if i was mad at him. My wife saw tears come to my eyes and rushed him out of the room.
He was 4 or 5. Believe it or not them little things were a monster in my head.
Little things that mean nothing are going to a big deal for no reason it is crazy.
The very first thing they did to me was pull 4 teeth. There was nothing wrong with them but they pulled them because i had a filling in them that was pretty deep.
They said if i had to have teeth pulled after cancer they would have to put me in a hyperbaric chamber for a month just to get a tooth pulled.
It hurt me so bad to not have all my teeth. They told me i could not get one that they drill a post in your jaw because of the radiation.
The other thing that hurt me so bad was when i lost a lot of my hair.
Then their was the time i was sick about 8 months and my grand baby asked me why i would not play ball with him anymore. He asked if i was mad at him. My wife saw tears come to my eyes and rushed him out of the room.
He was 4 or 5. Believe it or not them little things were a monster in my head.
Little things that mean nothing are going to a big deal for no reason it is crazy.
Comments
He passed from Cancer about 18 months after refusing.
I know that it's probably a very vane reason to refuse treatment for.
But, he did not want his two grandchildren to remember him in that way.
I've wished SO MANY TIMES that he had chosen treatment.
Maybe I'm selfish. But a few more years would have given his grandchildren knowledge of the man I loved so dearly.
BTW I've followed every one of your posts with Mike. Thank you.
Hair loss? Very strange on that one. At sixty-eight I still retained my blonde which was mixed with a smattering of white. By the second chemo I had lost the blond but retained the white. In fact I went all white. It was thin but still covered my scalp nicely. My * hair (never had much) went from next to nothing to a pretty good growth every morning. Body hair was interesting. Had I been a woman I'd not have needed to shave under my arms. Eyebrows and lashes remained. Go figure!
The effects of chemo are now fading. The white is rapidly being replaced by blonde. I even had enough hair to need a trim for the first time in six months. Other than that all is still about the same. I actually think I could grow a beard at this point. My right eye which would go wonky after chemo is returning to normal. The tubes inserted into my kidneys from the small of my back are now gone. One ureter (left) opened spontaneously which was welcome and very unexpected. The right side now has a stent into my bladder, so no more external bags and no stabs in the back. Just a trip to the OR every three months for replacement for whatever time I have left. Can you believe that the ability to urinate naturally has been one of the main events of my life?
Dave, you're so correct about the seemingly small things. Cancer has a way of teaching that which is really important. I'll be the first to share that life is not really about "things and stuff", it's those small things we overlook when we're healthy. Things we normally expect and don't really consider. Thank you for pointing out that all of us need to be aware it's not money, not a job, not a fancy house, not a car, or any of the things that can be purchased. Values change when faced with a serious disease.
To those lucky enough to be healthy I'd suggest taking an honest inventory of your real treasures. Hold your wife and your kids tight. Make sure your loved ones know how much they mean to you. You won't be less of a man if tears begin to flow. Strong men do cry. Fact is, tears come rather quickly the more aware we become. I hold my wife of forty-seven years and realize every time that it's one less time I'll ever have. It's a tough road. There are frequent tears. How could I be so weak? Why must she suffer? And then she tells me she'd do it all again even if she were to know of this in advance. I'm blessed.
Mike, don't worry about your manhood. Manhood is really not about sex, it's about the man. Even the ability to realize that you need help and accept what's offered is a measure of you as a strong man. Your empathy for others also defines you as does your spirit. The physical problems and disabilities associated with cancer will not ever define you as any less of a man. In fact, it's the way you deal with these problems that causes we who are more fortunate to look at you in awe.
My prayers and thoughts go out to all who suffer. This life certainly isn't for the weak. Several of you here have made my trip easier and I thank you. Have a blessed Thanksgiving everyone.
God Bless,
Now with chemo to my face and jaws i can never have a beard again. There are more places without hair than with hair.
The hardest thing to deal with is i do not have a thyroid gland or a saliva gland. I drink about a gallon of milk a day. That is the only thing to coat and relieve my mouth and throat.
Quit being such a dumb *. You didn't ask for this disease and it's going to take you wherever it takes you whether you like it or not. There are some things beyond your control. Those who love you and those of us who are friends and hurt for you will never hold your disabilities against you.
A good many of us know your situation well. Six months ago I was a hulk and weighed in at fifty pounds under my normal. No muscles, sick beyond sick, agony beyond description, no energy, unable to eat, and almost totally dependent on my wife and sons to take care of me. A part of me couldn't understand why I was no longer a bull of a man. Nothing computed. The other part of me looked at the wreck in the mirror in disbelief and horror. I got through it because my family cared and I learned that asking for help made me no less of a man.
Mike, you will feel and probably be helpless from time to time. No matter your inner strength or mental resolve, this will be a fact in your life. It will not be a measure of you as a man when you accept help from those who care. The measure of you as a man will be how you accept that which is offered.
I'll now share something I would otherwise wish to keep to myself...
Those six months ago I had an appointment with my urologist. He very honestly placed my situation out in the open and suggested that I get my affairs in order. Mike, he wasn't being cruel, however the honesty was brutal. He didn't expect me to live given what he saw.
I came home and tied up a few loose ends, then I wrapped up in a sleeping bag because I was always so cold and asked a short prayer. What should I do? The answer was immediate and profound... "LIVE!" I saw the word without seeing and heard it without hearing. I can see and hear it even today. Given my prognosis and the fact that I shouldn't be here today, all I can say is that I try to live by that one word. Sometimes it isn't easy.
Mike, get through today. Tomorrow will bring what tomorrow will bring. Don't sweat the little things like hair or impotence. Accept help and know that in doing so you won't diminish yourself. Help others when you can. Hurt for others because that's your nature.
And most of all... LIVE!
To be brutally honest...
Being impotent and sterile bother me - not necessarily me but it's one more set of side effects that make me less of a man in my eyes and directly effects one that I love.
The impotence will not be permanent - once the chemo is done it should not be a problem...
The sterility is permanent - the targeted radiation therapy saw to that - ireversable...
It sounds vain - I know
I am not looking forward to losing my hair...
Can't expect to get through 8 months of treatment with it intact...
Mostly my inability to do things - to be a man - to take care of others bother me deeply.
Mike
Mike, went through the impotent thing also. It comes back with time. The sterile thing, who cares at our age. I have retrograde ejaculation. It goes in my bladder, not out through my BallPark Frank. Big friggen deal. Donna and I were done having children anyway. It is frustrating and yes, I felt like less a man, but we still have great sex now and the retrograde, she loves it for certain reasons.[;)] I know quite a few friends that have it too. Mine was cause by the back surgery and the prostate cancer. We were both just glad I am still here. we can deal with the other stuff. I told Donna to go get a boyfriend. It was out of anger and frustration. Of course she didn't, but I was in a bad way. She stood beside me and for that, I will be forever grateful. Not many women would do that. When one of my friends went through the same thing, A doctor, his wife left him for another man. He now has a girlfriend and someone that cares more about him, then the sex. I am sure yours feels the same way, or she would not be there. If you wanna talk, let me know and I will send my number. Oakie
LIVE!
So you know, I end all my communications with those who are sick with that one word. The meaning is profound and the word is so simple. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
LIVE!