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Quotes

dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
edited March 2002 in General Discussion
Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~"Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." -- Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: "No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." -- Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement. -- Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible. -- George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. - - Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books.. You may die of a misprint. -- Mark Twain

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. -- Socrates

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. -- Groucho Marx

Only Irish coffee provides, in a single glass, all four essential food groups: alcohol , caffeine, sugar and fat. -- Alex Levine

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap. -- Bob Hope

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. -- W.C. Fields

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress. -- Will Rogers

Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you. -- Winston Churchill

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty . but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. -- Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere. -- Billy Crystal

The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out.

Give me a sense of humor, Lord;

Give me the grace to see a joke,

To get some humor out of life,

And pass it on to other folk.

Comments

  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    I am a new member and I just came up with a quote to add to my profile. What do you think? Let me have it.
    "If you got'em smoke'em we're goin down."
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. --Mark Twain

    We contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.--Winston Churchill

    A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul. --George Bernard Shaw

    A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. -- G. Gordon Liddy

    Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner. --James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

    Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --Douglas Casey, Classmate of W.J.Clinton at Georgetown U. (1992)

    Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. -- P.J.O'Rourke Civil Libertarian

    Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

    Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it. -- Ronald Reagan (1986)

    I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. --Will Rogers

    If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free. --P.J. O'Rourke

    If you want government to intervene domestically, you're a liberal. If you want government to intervene overseas, you're a conservative. If you want government to intervene everywhere, you're a moderate. If you don't want government to intervene anywhere, you're an extremist. --Joseph Sobran, Editor of the National Review at one time (1995)

    In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other. -Voltaire (1764)

    Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you. --Pericles (430 B.C.)

    No man's life, liberty, or property are safe while the legislature is in session. --Mark Twain (1866)

    Talk is cheap-except when Congress does it. (Unknown)

    The government is like a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other. --Ronald Reagan

    The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. --Winston Churchill

    The only difference between a tax man and a taxidermist is that the taxidermist leaves the skin. --Mark Twain

    The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. --Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903)

    There is no distinctly native American criminal class save Congress. --Mark Twain

    There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences. --P.J. O'Rourke (1993)

    What this country needs are more unemployed politicians. - Edward Langley, Artist 1928-1995



    SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    "Worrying is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere."
    - Unknown

    "Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than you think."
    - Benjamin Disraeli, British statesman and novelist (1804-1881)

    "Courage is the price life exacts for peace."
    - Amelia Earhart, American aviator (1897-1937)

    "Courage is being scared to death - and saddling up anyway."
    - John Wayne, actor

    "The mighty oak was once a little nut that stood its ground."
    - Unknown

    "Courage is like a muscle; it is strengthened by use."
    - Ruth Gordon, American actress

    "No one reaches a high position without daring."
    - Syrus

    "Great occasions do not make heroes or cowards; they simply unveil them to the eyes. Silently and imperceptibly, as we wake or sleep, we grow strong or we grow weak, and at last some crisis shows us what we have become."
    - Bishop Westcott

    "The one permanent emotion of the inferior man is fear - fear of the unknown, the complex, the inexplicable. What he wants beyond everything else is safety."
    - H. L. Mencken, American journalist and humorist (1880-1956)

    "I believe that anyone can conquer fear by doing the things he fears to do, provided he keeps doing them until he gets a record of successful experiences behind him."
    - Eleanor Roosevelt, American stateswoman, First Lady (1884-1962)

    "Life is a compromise of what your ego wants to do, what experience tells you to do, and what nerves let you do."
    - Bruce Crampton

    "The art of living lies not in eliminating but in growing with troubles."
    - Bernard M. Baruch, 20th-century American financier

    "All problems become smaller if you don't dodge them, but confront them. Touch a thistle timidly, and it gentlemans you; grasp it boldly, and its spines crumble."
    - William S. Halsey

    "Fortunately for themselves and the world, nearly all men are cowards and dare not act on what they believe. Nearly all our disasters come of a few fools having the "courage of their convictions."
    - Coventry Patmore

    "It isn't the absence of conscience or values that prevents us from being all we should be, it is simply the lack of moral courage."
    - Michael Josephson, late 20th-century American ethicist

    "To see what is right and not to do it is cowardice."
    - Confucius (K'ung-Fu-tzu), Chinese philosopher (551-479 B.C.)

    "One man with courage makes a majority."
    - Andrew Jackson, American military hero and U.S. president (1767-1845)

    "It is better to die on one's feet than to live on one's knees."
    - Albert Camus, French "existentialist" novelist (1913-1960)

    "Cowards die many times before their deaths; the valiant never taste of death but once."
    - William Shakespeare, English dramatist (1564-1616)

    "Cowardice. . . is almost always simply a lack of ability to suspend the functioning of the imagination."
    - Ernest Hemingway, American novelist (1899-1961)

    "Courage easily finds its own eloquence."
    - Plautus, Roman comic dramatist (c. 254-184 B.C.)

    "Fear comes from uncertainty. When we are absolutely certain, whether of our worth or worthlessness, we are almost impervious to fear."
    - William Congreve, English dramatist (1670-1729)

    "The basest of all things is to be afraid."
    - William Faulkner, American novelist (1897-1962)

    "In times of stress, be bold and valiant."
    - Horace, Roman poet (65-8 B.C.)

    "Grief has limits, whereas apprehension has none. For we grieve only for what we know has happened, but we fear all that possibly may happen."
    - Pliny the Younger, Roman judge and author (61-113 A.D.)

    "Fear is an instructor of great sagacity, and the herald of all revolutions.'"
    - Ralph Waldo Emerson, American essayist, public philosopher and poet (1803-1882)

    "The world has no room for cowards."
    - Robert Louis Stevenson, Scottish novelist and adventurer (1850-1894)

    "If you let fear of consequence prevent you from following your deepest instinct, then your life will be safe, expedient and thin."
    - Katharine Butler Hathaway


    "Proust has pointed out that the predisposition to love creates its own objects; is this not also true of fear?"
    - Elizabeth Bowen, Irish novelist (1899-1973)

    "What you are afraid to do is a clear indicator of the next thing you need to do."
    - Unknown

    "When it comes to the pinch, human beings are heroic."
    - George Orwell (Eric Blair), English journalist and novelist (1903-1950)

    "If we could be heroes, if just for one day."
    - David Bowie, 20th-century English pop music performer

    "One must think like a hero merely to behave like a decent human being."
    - May Barton

    "What worries you, masters you."
    - Haddon W. Robinson

    "And each man stand with his face in the light of his own drawn sword. Ready to do what a hero can."
    - Elizabeth Barrett Browning, English poet (1806-1861)

    "Necessity makes even the timid brave."
    - Sallust, Roman historian and politician (c. 86-c. 35 B.C


    "When you choose the lesser of two evils, always remember that it is still an evil."
    - Max Lerner
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. - Mike Tyson

    The one thing I do not want to be called is First Lady. It sounds like a saddle horse. - Jacqueline Kennedy

    There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl. - Joan Rivers

    I'd rather be dead than singing "Satisfaction" when I'm forty-five. - Mick Jagger

    It's a drag having to wear socks during matches, because the tan, like, stops at the ankles. I can never get my skin, like, color coordinated. - Monica Seles

    Sometimes I feel like an old hooker. - Cher

    "Any excuse will serve a tyrant." ---Aesop

    "Question with boldness even the existence of a god; because if there be
    one he must approve of the homage of reason more than that of blindfolded fear.
    -Thomas Jefferson, August 10, 1787"

    Volenti non fit injuria
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    Started to respond to a post the other day, and include a quote of the OP. That function was apparently turned off, and appears to be so for a number of members. I can't find an option for that in setting up a profile. How and/or why is this done?
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    How do I pull just 1 sentence out of a persons posted paragraph?Not copy and paste.But where it says.....

    quote
    blah blah blah...this that and the other
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house."-Lewis Grizzard"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."-Jeff Foxworthy"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a *, and only enough blood to run one at a time."-Robin Williams"If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base."- Dave Barry"What do people mean when they say the computer went down on them?"- Marilyn Pittman"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should help to find you a temp." - Bob Ettinger"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."- Paula Poundstone"A study in the Washington Post says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: uh." - Conan O'Brien"Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my Goodness. ...I could be eating a slow learner."- Lynda Montgomery"The day I worry about cleaning my house is the day Sears comes out with a riding vacuum cleaner." - Roseanne"I think this is how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west." - Richard Jeni"If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead."- Johnny Carson"Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography." - Paul Rodriguez"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that's the law."- Jerry Seinfeld"In elementary school, in case of fire you have to line up quietly in a single file line from smallest to tallest. What is the logic? Do tall people burn slower?"- Warren Hutcherson"Bigamy is having one wife/husband too many. Monogamy is the same." - Oscar Wilde"Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." - Mae West"Suppose you were an idiot . . . And suppose you were a member of Congress . . . But I repeat myself."- Mark Twain"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait."- A. Whitney Brown "Ah, yes, divorce . . . from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet,"- Robin Williams"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month thatI can be myself." - Roseanne"Women need a reason to have sex. Men justneed a place." - Billy Crystal"You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'"- Dave Barry"If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten."- George Carlin"When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car."-Author Unknown Advice for the day: If you have a lot a tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle:" Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children" - Author Unknown"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."-Drew Carey
    Save, research, then buy the best.Join the NRA, NOW!Teach them young, teach them safe, teach them forever, but most of all, teach them to VOTE!
  • dheffleydheffley Member Posts: 25,000
    edited November -1
    1) Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.
    - Mark Twain

    2) I contend that for a nation to try to tax itself into prosperity is like a man standing in a bucket and trying to lift himself up by the handle.
    - Winston Churchill

    3) A government which robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.
    - George Bernard Shaw

    4) Democracy must be something more than two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner.
    - James Bovard, Civil Libertarian (1994)

    5) Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries.
    - Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown Uuniversity

    6) Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.
    - P.J. O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian

    7) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else.
    - Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)

    8) Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize it.
    - Ronald Reagan (1986)

    9) I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
    - Will Rogers

    10) If you think health care is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free.
    - P.J. O'Rourke

    11) In general, the art of government consists of taking as much money as possible from one party of the citizens to give to the other.
    - Voltaire (1764)

    12)Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you.
    - Pericles (430 B.C)

    13) No man's life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session.
    - Mark Twain (1866)

    14) Talk is cheap .. except when Congress does it.
    - Unknown

    15) The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery.
    - Winston Churchill

    16) What this country needs are more unemployed politicians.
    - Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)

    17) A government big enough to give you everything you want, is strong enough to take everything you have.
    - Thomas Jefferson
  • alledanalledan Member Posts: 19,541
    edited November -1
  • FitzFitz Member Posts: 258 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Those were great. I should have been workin (for myself) while I was reading them, but I went back to work a lot happier. Thanks.Fitz
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