In order to participate in the GunBroker Member forums, you must be logged in with your GunBroker.com account. Click the sign-in button at the top right of the forums page to get connected.
Son Mark Is Gone...Again
nunn
Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,085 ******
Some of you knew that my 18-year-old son Mark went into the Navy. Some of you even knew that he and the Navy did not get along, so he became a civilian again after 9 months in. Well, he moved back here with me.
Now he is gone again. Moved to Fort Worth to live with some girl he just recently met. No car. No job. Very little money. No skills. Won't listen to Dad.
Those of you who pray, please put Mark on your prayer list. He needs to grow up and wise up. Those of you who like to keep good thoughts, do that.
If any of you have a business in Fort Worth, convenient to public transportation, and have need of a pretty bright kid with NO SKILLS, give me a call.
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
Now he is gone again. Moved to Fort Worth to live with some girl he just recently met. No car. No job. Very little money. No skills. Won't listen to Dad.
Those of you who pray, please put Mark on your prayer list. He needs to grow up and wise up. Those of you who like to keep good thoughts, do that.
If any of you have a business in Fort Worth, convenient to public transportation, and have need of a pretty bright kid with NO SKILLS, give me a call.
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
Comments
Consider your offer a done deal.
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
Mark will be in my thoughts and prayers. Funny, isn't it, how in hurting themselves, those we love hurt us so deeply.
As to the remark about sin, I hesitate to condemn anyone. My experience has been that the commandmants were given to us more for our own protection then condemnation. The condemnation we seem to do for ourselves.
Will Mark learn anything before he makes things worse? Will he cause further hurt to himself? ... I pray not.
And to you and his mother go my deepest sympathy for the terrible hurt you must be feeling. I'm aware that you are people of faith and that this must put that faith to it's limits.
Past the point that you're always going to be concerned about the young man, you've reached the point where you can be of little influence on the lad.
It sounds like hormones are doing much of his thinking at the moment... And that's not all that unusual for a young man. Maybe the school of hard knocks is the only thing that will educate him properly at this point. Love him and pray that his actions don't bring misery to an innocent.
In deepest sympathy -
Nord
The best way to get them to grow up is to push them out of the nest, so to speak... Yes they will make mistakes.. huge ones most likely, but if the parents constantly help them out of a jam, what is that teaching them?
Been there...hugs to both of you
One woman's opinion
Best!!
Rugster
When Clinton left office they gave him a 21 gun salute. Its a damn shame they all missed....
Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Liberals....
Nunn just don't give up on him, he will come around.
Good luck and God bless
Dont stress about this situation, either one of them. You have both just described me to a T when I was each of those ages. Joined the Air Force, did my tour, got out, went home to live with mom. Had the affair as a single guy with the married women, did pretty much everything wrong early on in my life. Mom's raising me alone and the values she DID instill in me finally kicked in somewhere along the way. It all worked out in the end, so far. Sometimes * happens, and most of the time it all seems trivial later in life. My mother is probably still stressed out over how I'm living, and I cant blame her, any more than anyone can blame you two for worrying about your children. Just dont worry, they'll find their way. You did your jobs as parents, now let them learn some things on their own. Good luck.
SSgt Ryan E. Roberts, USMC
I will bring it before our church tonight. I don't have sons but my oldest daughter has taken us on some roller coaster rides. What's puzzeling is the fact she's been raised in the church from birth.
That has paid off though. She coming around. Engaged to a good Christian guy now and planning a wedding. What's good is my future son-inn-law not only dearly loves my daughter but he loves God, guns, hunting, and fishing.
I feel for you and the rest of your family. My son, now 27 and recently released from prision, has decided that his predicament is entirely the fault of his parents (me & my wife)and his sister. Something started happening to him at about age 16, we tried family counseling, individual counseling, continuous parent/teacher conferences, frank discussions on the reality of his future and everything else that we could think of. It seems like he got to a point that he lost all self respect and did not care what ANYONE thought of his life style.
His first arrest for dealing in stolen property devastated us but we pleaded with the court for another chance and continued more aggressive counseling for our entire family. The court gave him a second chance, probation and rehabilitation (withheld adjudification of guilt). Terms of his probation were quickly violated and he sunk to new lows including drug use and more criminal activity. I gave up on him, while my wife was determined to fix the situation. After almost 30 years of marriage, our marriage was very close to being on the rocks.
His drug use was apparent to me. Several of his drug buddies were killed or jailed. One is now on death row in Florida. He and his buddies began a harrassment campaign designed to extort money from our family members. During this time, he fathered a child with a young women that was a recovered drug addict. This broke my wife's heart, knowing the reality of the future that this child faced. The baby was born premature, but recovered fully. This seemed to wake my son up for a while. We actually renewed our relationship and had several calm discussions on his past and the changes he needed to make. With my brother's permission, he moved into our mother's home, that was vacant because she was living in an ACLF.
In a few months, the baby got sick and passed away. The "recovering addict" mother left because my son returned to selling and using drugs. My son sold my mother's furniture and personal possessions, along with the central air conditioning unit, to finance the shortcomings of his new drug business. My wife was was ready for the nut house. I could not sleep, I became physically ill.
It took about 4 months for him to get caught stealing and selling drugs to wind up in jail. While he was in jail he was charged with 8 additional felony charges for crimes he committed prior to his arrest. He got another break in that the entire sentence for everything was one year and one month. During that time he wrote several letters to his mother expressing anger at the system and blamed everyone for the situation he was in. He did not earn any "good time" while incarcerated.
He wrote a week or so prior to his release requesting clothes. He wanted new clothes and shoes, we sent what he had abandoned at my mother's house. He was apparently disappointed because he has not contacted us since his release. He is back in town and running with suspected drug users/dealers once again. We want to help but don't want to "enable" him. Nunn, I sincerely hope and pray that you never find yourself in this situation.
Worry is the interest humans pay on the debt of miscalculation.
Those who beat their swords into plowshares will plow for those who dont.
Don't make the mistake of breaking ties, or giving him ultimatums. Let him know that he's always welcome at your home, and accept the fact that he's going to screw up. I sure did, many times, and I sometimes still do (more often than I'd like to admit.) If he knows he has support from you, without any "I told you so's" or "You can come back IF's", then he'll probably be back, and if you can calmly and rationally talk it out, a little at a time, without pushing him, you'll at least end up with a good father-son relationship. You also have to remember that you are not always right, either. There was only one being on earth who ever was. Examine your own feelings as to why you feel the way you do at this time, and put them together with Him as you know as your Savior. This can open your eyes, which at times such as these, can test you in your own emotional upheaval. Looking deep inside, in my opinion, is the first step to any crisis, and let your savior be your guide to forgiveness and reconcilience. Ahem...now, if you'll pardon me, I'm in a bad mood and might want to yell at someone....uhhh.....
Give him time he will come around. Sounds alot like me when I went through my "Retarded stage" (My uncles words). I was as wild as they came, loved living on the edge. Yup, even had a five year affair with a married (separated) woman. The divorce never came and I finally saw the light. Just be there when he needs you. But don't preach alot and don't enable his being reckless. When he comes out of this, he'll probably be the strongest most self reliant man you know. I'll say a prayer for both of you along with sfetty and his son.
Woods the reformed sower of oats
Woods
Hes a man, his own man. He needs some shock treatment. Joined the navy and didnt like it so he QUIT??? WAAAA, Its grow up time. He will make mistakes, and let him know that you will feel bad for him when he does, but you will not supply room and board to him. I had the wild hair also growing up, when I decided to join the Corps, my father told me "You can come home anytime, for a visit" (exact quote) A little shock therapy does wonders at 17. He had also told me in the era of "finding yourself" BS, that if I ever got the urge to go looking, he would stick a 2x4 out the passenger side of the pickup, and pass me at about 40 MPH, he said when I got up I was found. BTW my dad and I get along fine, he just kept getting smarter as I got older. He got real smart when I hit about 22-23 and my head was screwed on semi-strait.
I will keep good thoughts, for you, hes on his own, which is where he needs to be. If he asks for help getting a job, help. If not....
Those people who see nothing but grey areas, no black and white, are lost in the fog.
Edited by - Varmintmist on 07/24/2002 13:15:23
If I knew then, what I know now.
Robin, stay safe. I have a cousin that did similar things and he is finally in the Federal pen. Protect your family. I hope that you and your wife will be able to come out of this all right.
Veritas morsum, autem veritas est verus
WOOF.
Bruce
I was a fool when I was his age, so I guess he isn't that unusual. He is a lot like I was, but EXAGGERATED. Like a caricature drawing.
In my years in law enforcement I have had the chance to see lots of troubled youth, and then I get to see them later when they grow up. The good news is that 99.9% of them do grow up. There is some comfort in that.
Thanks again.
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
Your son is on the prayer list. I went through some of the same things with my boy. He's now 28 and finally grew up. If you can hang in there long enough, he'll make it!
Save, research, then buy the best.Join the NRA, NOW!Teach them young, teach them safe, teach them forever, but most of all, teach them to VOTE!
I was overprotected -- it made me fearful and introverted as a kid, until I got to the other side of the country from Mom & Dad and finally became a well-rounded person on my own -- with faults -- by being forced to deal with stuff they kept me from. I often wish I'd been allowed to make more mistakes younger. My friend Tony, who came from a "broken home," was much more self-reliant. But who knows, maybe if I had, I'd be a basket case by now.
Just take heart from the fact that this is so common. (I also have a niece who opted out of the military on a physical disability that didn't come up until she decided the military wasn't for her.) She's still basically a strong, admirable person with plans for her life. I can't hold against her something so -- human. She's turned into an impressive and self-assured young person, and I can't say that for every young person I meet.
- Life NRA Member
"If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
My son has gotten involved with a rich married woman that is 9-10 years older than he is. She is married to a doctor and according to my son, the husband has a girlfriend also. However, my son has lied to me more times than I can count. I simply don't trust him.
I didn't mean to blab on like this, but from what I have seen on this forum, there are a lot of kind, intelligent and faith-filled people that read this forum and I just feel a little better venting off a little on it.
I may and will give you fits on here sometimes but you have my addy and if you want or need to talk sometime just yell. I can tell you things that will make you think you are a very lucky man.
Rosie, The one who cares
Your son is without his choice,a victim of the times, hopefully in the very near future a survivor of same. he does not realize the massive hurt that he has brought you, but given time he will God willing come around. I wish You and your immature son the very best.
What can I say other than, your post was heart wrenching. That made my daughter problem pale. It was helpful to me. Thank you.
sfetty,
You got it right. Too many people want to be their kids best friend instead of being a mother or father and taking a bite of raw meat. There's a line that cannot be crossed. My kids danced with Mr. Friendly several times. Mr. Friendly was paddle with a smiling clown's face I had painted. When they goofed up I told them we had a dance appointment with Mr. Friendly. To this day they joke about it but not a night goes by I don't get a hug and a kiss and an "I love you Dad" from those young ladies.
Good thoughts are on there way from our house to yours.
Good luck and best wishes to you and your wife my friend,I'll be thinking of you and Mark.
You are so correct!! I strayed some as a young'un but my parents always let me know that they loved me. I turned 44 Tuesday, and the bond with my parents has never been greater. Aside from my time with God, I feel that family time is the most important part of my life.
nunn and Robin, you are in my prayers!!
"Just my opinion."
Remember The "Hormones" usualy are quite stronger than religion specialy if young ,inexperiensed and unmotivated, be thanfull he may fall for love than fall for drugs or other depravations....
The NAVY is not made for right brain people ,unless he is aware he must play roboto and rambo at the same time and supress the kill your sargent and beat the &*% of your superiors instinct he will not make it,Or worst fall in a self-steem depresive meltdown.
Maybe the cure is Love...
I know ,after a few articles 15 and some special courtmartials you adapt or just relapse ...
Its not quite easy,but after you make it you sure enjoy of being at the top ... too bad I was not able to e-mail your son earlier....
He missed the part he may have being able to give "payback" and get a good JOB ,Its a good time to join the armed forces, good pay good benefits.
So for other parents out there ,try to explain truly the goals to your sons ,The training is boring, "dreadfull" (A lot of guys like me making your life a living nightmare)hard, to the point of breakdown .
My tips, Never get emotional , stay with a clear mind ,never get personal , never drop your ethics for no one, nor cover up for no one missdeeds,be just ,be valanced ,do your duty and learn the trade.
JD
Good...? , Bad...? Who cares ? as long I am the one with the the gun.....
I can see what you are going through from both sides, me and my father now agree that from the time I was about 17 until about 23 I had more than just a few wild hairs and exercised some really poor judgement,uhh, make that extreeeeeemely bad judgement.
Both of my folks kept hammering me with the message of "We love you, and we're here for you" it's just that from my Dad it sounded more like, "What the #$^% are you doing with your &^$#* life?" The other fortunate part for me was that I was in the military and embraced the lifestyle, it was my off-duty conduct that was the concern.
Eventually, I guess we both came around to seeing eye-to-eye and fortunately I didn't step on any of life's really big "landmines". Now that I have a 6 month old son, I've caught myself wondering about what decisions he'll make and how the heck I'm gonna save him from himself. I don't have that answer yet, but if I find it I'll be sure to post it here.
It's my guess and general theory that you've raised children a lot longer than I have, so I suspect you know better, and all I can do is pray for ALL of y'all (Robin, sfetty, and Norman Dog included), and empathize with you. There is one thought I do have, and I don't know if it's at all a factor, and only something you can answer- Is perhaps the fact that you are a LEO and an authority figure a factor in this? Besides being his father, could being a cop also be why he is so resistive to your advice? If so, do you think your wife might be better able to sway him around and "talk some sense into him"? I only say this because that's how it was with my Dad, and my Mom was "The Great Negotiator."
Dread- I still think you're one strange dude, but that was not all together bad advice, score one for you!
Matt
Reserving my Right to Arm Bears!!!!