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Colder`n a Lizard`s Stern!!!

218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
edited September 2001 in General Discussion
My kin folks say such funny things,all of us growin` up in the flarda everglades and all. One time ,when I was 10 years old , I asked my mamma where my cup of coffee was,I`d forgotten that she`d already told me where it was, about twenty minutes earlier.She got all mad and stuff,and said, real angry-like"IT`S OVER THERE,AND IT`S COLDER`N A LIZARD`S STERN BY NOW"Anybody got any good ones that you can`t forget,like the one my sweet mamma said to me??
Will the last reb to leave flarda,please bring the flag?[This message has been edited by 218Beekeep (edited 09-17-2001).]
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  • DaRoostaDaRoosta Member Posts: 270 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "It's hotter than a pig in a bacon factory"
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  • .250Savage.250Savage Member Posts: 812 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    This one came from my uncle who has a farm of some kind in Hawaii: "tighter'n a bulls' * in fly season."(now, of course, how he found this out I don't know...)
    I may disagree with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.--Voltare
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  • LowriderLowrider Member Posts: 6,587
    edited November -1
    I worked running heavy equipment for a crusty old * in Oklahoma back in the eighties. He was actually a Texan and he had a million of those types of sayings.He used to call a hard, gully washer rain a "toad floater." I guess 'cause it filled the ditches and floated the toads right out. Sure used to crack me up.He'd say, "We gotta * this dirt work done an' * this street paved directly. If she come a toad floater we gonna have a helluva mess."Another time he was warning me to stay away from a particular bar in Enid, Oklahoma. He said, "You wanta stay the hell outta there. There's people in there that'll say things to a man... make ya have to kill 'em."I must've repeated that line a thousand times over the years. "...make ya have to kill 'em." What a classic.
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  • TRIGGERSGHOSTTRIGGERSGHOST Member Posts: 59 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    How about more popular than a $2.00 whore on payday.Dead Horse Walking
    Remember everybody looks good 5 minutes before the bar closes.
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  • 218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
    edited November -1
    Lowrider,I had a boss from Texas once,on a construction job,reminded me of Slim Pickins with all them sayin`s.He hated another superviser,and told me once "Boy,I`d like ta buy that sumbitch for what he`s worth,an sell em fer what he thinks he`s worth"
    Will the last reb to leave flarda,please bring the flag?
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  • ed in il.ed in il. Member Posts: 18 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    how about:couldn't pour piss out of a boot with a hole in the toe and instructions on the heel...if brains was gasoline he couldn't run a piss ants motorcycle around a b-b......
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  • legn4legn4 Member Posts: 481 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I used to work with a guy he had some ;got any gravel for your goose?,any mud on your turtle?, "wasper, muddubber" (flying insect),do you want a good olde big one OR a big olde good one? Hows your road founder chevy? But my favorite is one level above bad....it is "worser".
    Work'n like a dog all nite
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  • Free N TXFree N TX Member Posts: 165 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    My grandfather used to say (just before I would get into trouble with grandma) "You better watch out or your gandma will be on you like a duck on a june bug".
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  • simonbssimonbs Member Posts: 994 ✭
    edited November -1
    Me: "Hey Dad, can I have a ride to..."Dad: "You gonna hafta' use those two shuvalets connected to the end of your legs. Your young, they still got plenty a' good miles left on 'em."
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  • soopsoop Member Posts: 4,633
    edited November -1
    "As worthless as tits on a boar" That was our favorite saying when I was growing up.
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  • badboybobbadboybob Member Posts: 1,658 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    About a slow poke: Why if'n he fell out of a tree he'd take two hours to hit the ground.
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  • RembrandtRembrandt Member Posts: 4,486 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    A guy I once worked for had to relieve himself and would say "Well it's time to go shake the dew off the pickle"
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  • wundudneewundudnee Member Posts: 6,105 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I work with a guy thats not slow but it does take him an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes.
    standard.jpg
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  • alledanalledan Member Posts: 19,541
    edited November -1
    Colder than a witches tit in the yukon!Too slow to ketch hell!Working faster than a tumble bug!Useless as a fart in a wind storm!When there was a lot of assorted items my gran maw would call it a "dukes mixture"whatever that is.A pig in a poke!Dumber than dixies hatband!Meaner that a sack of wildcats!Slower than a possum up a tree!"cute as a button""A walking fart sack" when granpaw would contaminate the air.
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  • bartobarto Member Posts: 4,734 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    hotter than a 2-dollar pistol.
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  • twinstwins Member Posts: 647 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Alledan,Colder than a well diggers * in Jan.Colder than a whitches tit in a bras bra - I um, um never mind.
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  • dhdh Member Posts: 127 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    When I was growing up I asked my mom every day when I got home from school what was for supper.Her favorite saying was,"poke and grits,poke your feet under the table and grit yor teeth." Down here in Texas it gets so hot my favorite expression is,"hotter than a french cat house on nickel night."
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  • IconoclastIconoclast Member Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Grampa's wisdom that I remember (he died when I was five):(1) "No one ever argues w/ a twelve gauge or a .45 . . . at least, not more than once."(2) (Referring to ties) "Can't see why any man would tie a rope around his own neck, no matter how pretty it is."(3) (Referring to the stock market) "No one ever lost money by taking a profit."
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  • Mom MomMom Mom Member Posts: 169 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "Shakin' hands with the unemployed" in reference to man relieving himself."Slower than molasses in January.""Dumber than a box of rocks.""Hotter than Hades on the 4th of July."
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  • sealyonsealyon Member Posts: 313 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Don't recall where I heard it but I use it when called for--" The man's so stupid, he couldn't get laid in a $2.00 whore house with a $100.00 bill in his teeth"
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  • .280 freak.280 freak Member Posts: 1,942 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "Ain't got a dog in this fight" and "Couldn't hit a bull with a box of rocks" (said when you miss an easy shot), are two of my favorites.
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  • LowriderLowrider Member Posts: 6,587
    edited November -1
    The same ol' Texan I was talking about earlier was telling me one day about a guy he knew who was a compulsive liar. He said, "Why, iff'n they ever gave that ol' boy the truth serum, he wouldn't be able to talk fer a week."
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  • concealedG36concealedG36 Member Posts: 3,566 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    My grandpa used to tell me not to point a finger at him, he'd say "don't point that at me, it's got a nail in it!". Also, he used to order "milk from the tap" if he was at a restaurant with a pretty waitress. Finally, his generic response to a question of where anything was located was "up in Nellie's room behind the clock". I spent years trying to figure out who Nellie was and why I'd never seen her room..
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  • HighNoonHighNoon Member Posts: 444 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    When referring to winter weather,"cold enough to freeze the nuts off a jeep"
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  • HighNoonHighNoon Member Posts: 444 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    When referring to winter weather,"cold enough to freeze the nuts off a jeep"
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  • Josey1Josey1 Member Posts: 9,598 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    When faced with an tough to solve problem or situation my father would say "I'd piss on a sparkplug if I thought it would do any good."
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  • mudgemudge Member Posts: 4,225 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    One of my favorites is said of a particularly ugly person. "He/she put the UG in ugly." For an ugly guy. "He couldn't make out in a Chinese whorehouse with a fistful of $50 bills."Then the one that's been around forever. For a remarkably ugly woman. "She'd need two bags, in case one came off."My mother (who was from Arkansas) used to refer to a really heavy rain as a "frog strangler".Mudge
    Anyone who CAN carry, SHOULD carry!Let me update that.Anyone who CAN carry, BETTER carry.
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  • dsr611dsr611 Member Posts: 17 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    A fellow I used to work for would say if something was messed up "That's fu*&ed up as a soup sandwich"A teacher I had in high school used to say "If you think rain won't wet ya, I'm fixing to bust a thunderstorm on ya!"Same teacher(had a hump on her shoulder) also said "As sure as I'm black and got this hump on my back..."[This message has been edited by dsr611 (edited 09-17-2001).]
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  • will270winwill270win Member Posts: 4,845
    edited November -1
    Florids mud-"Slickern' two greased eels scrumpin' in a bucket o' snot.Slow folks-"He's slower than a herd of turtles stampeding in peanut butter".Stupidity-"he's so dumb his hair hurts".ugly-"She's so ugly! Looks like someone set her face on fire and put it out with a hammer". or..."her face looks like a can of smashed a$$holes".Fat-"that boy looks like 10 lbs of walnuts in a 5 lb bag".I got a million more but I'm laughin at ya'll to hard to remember em all!
    If you run, you'll just die tired!
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  • SP TigerSP Tiger Member Posts: 872 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    "Tighter than Dick's hatband" is referring to a penny-pincher type person or something along those lines. I don't know who "Dick" is, but I'm assuming it was a person not, well, you know. Also, speaking of assuming..."when you assume, you make an * out of u and me""It was darker than a sackfull of *"
    Better to have and not need, than need and not have.[This message has been edited by SP Tiger (edited 09-17-2001).]
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  • salzosalzo Member Posts: 6,396 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Alledan- I prefer my variation. ITS COLDER THAN A WITCHES TIT IN A BRASS BRA!
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  • 218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
    edited November -1
    My dad was a man of few words,it came from spending days and nights away from people,* hunting since he was about 11 to help support his family,decades of gator hunting for the ilegal hide trade.So when someone would say something that didn`t make a lot of sense,he couldn`t help but question it. Once when I was about 10, I said "Daddy ,that makes my skin crawl!"...... In a slow and deep drawl he says......"Oh yeah?....Howz it smell when ya * crawlz acrossed ya noz?"
    Will the last reb to leave flarda,please bring the flag?
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  • Dave3Dave3 Member Posts: 106 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I't hotter than two rats fu*&ing in a wool sock.spray some panther piss on it (WD 40)Like it grew there ( when ask how something looks)good enough for the girls I date. (when ask how something looks)You couldn't lead a Whore to bed (Coach Bob Knight to Steve Alford)Grandpa used to call everyone a "Whooly Bugger". I'll kiss your * and bark like a fox.
    "Protect the Right to Protect yourself"
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  • gad38gad38 Member Posts: 179 ✭
    edited November -1
    Busier than a one armed wall paper hanger!!Want in one hand and * in the other and see which gets full fastest!!, Grandma's favorite line.....God bless her..........
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  • salzosalzo Member Posts: 6,396 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ex-Boss said to me "DONT F%#$ ME SALZO"I said "I WOULDNT F@$# YOU IF I WAS DRUNK!"
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  • nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
    edited November -1
    Dumber than a stumpfull of little red pissants.I want it to snow hub deep to a Ferris wheel.That dog won't hunt. (It is a bad idea.)Lost as a goose in a blizzard.If it ain't broke, don't fix it.Dad's favorite, already used: Useless as the teats on a boar hog.
    Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Egotistical Rogue, Evil, Dangerous Racist Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!
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  • 218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
    edited November -1
    My daddy ,when asked a question ,would often reply"You wouldn`t know if I told ya"
    Will the last reb to leave flarda,please bring the flag?
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  • will270winwill270win Member Posts: 4,845
    edited November -1
    That boy's nuttier than squirrel dookey!
    If you run, you'll just die tired!
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  • shaneshane Member Posts: 882 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    When you see a pretty girl say "I'd like to bite that on the butt and get lockjaw" that always gets a few smiles unless you're with your wife. I have a friend who always says "I've got to go shake hands with shorty" when he has to take a leak.
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  • DevilDogAZDevilDogAZ Member Posts: 7 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    "Happier than a puppy with two peters." My Senior D.I. told me I looked like "20lbs of sh#t in a 5lb sack."
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