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A Couple Jokes About 'Beans'..
Bubba Joel
Member Posts: 5,161
The Gastronomical Bean Story
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always had
a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day, he met a
girl and fell in love. When it was apparent to him that they would marry, he
thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and gentle girl that she would never go
for this kind of carrying on."
Thus, he realized she might be embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to
baked beans. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved baked
beans.
They were married shortly thereafter.
Some months later his car broke down on the way home from work. Since they
lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late
because he had to walk home. On the way, he passed a small cafe and decided to
call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the
cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to
go, and decided that he could walk off any side effects before reaching home.
But before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even
as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. All the way home he putt-
putted and after arriving, felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted his
last. Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and
was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to
release one last noxious output, his wife threw open the door. She seemed
somewhat excited to see him and exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful
surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded him and then led him to his
chair at the head of the table.
He seated himself, and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned,
then went to answer the phone. When she had gone for the phone, he seized the
opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg, and loudly broke wind. It was not
only sonorous, but also ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap
and vigorously fanned the air about him.
Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on him,
so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true
prize winner; it sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging.
While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he went on like this for
ten minutes letting out powerful bursts that rattled the windows and shook the
dishes on the table until he knew the phone farewells from his wife indicated
the end of his freedom.
He placed his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it, and
smiling contentedly to himself, he was the very picture of innocence when his
wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked if he had peeked and
he, of course, assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the
blindfold, and there was his surprise. Twelve dinner guests seated around the
table for a Happy Birthday party for him.
There was this young man who was from a very poor family, all they had to eat was beans.
His Mother fixed them many different ways, baked beans, soup beans, pork and beans,
beanie weenies you name it.
One day this young man came home and told his mother that he was going to take the
most beautiful girl in his high school to the prom.
He had worked very hard, saving his money for months so that he could do, or buy,
something special.
He had went and got his tuxedo, bought her corsage, borrowed his rich Uncle's new
cadillac and cleaned it up special to impress his date.
He had worked very hard and his mother left him some of the baked beans from last nights
supper for him to warm up.
He came in, warmed up his dinner, and ate it before he got cleaned up and dressed for his
big date.
On his way over to pick her up he started having rumblings in his stomach, and being
nervous about this date didn't help him any.
He held back and the feeling passed, then he picked up his date, pinned the corsage on
her, talked and had pictures made at her parents house, then they were finally on their
way to the big event.
They talked and she slid closer to him, and soon he had his arm around her feeling like a
king.
Then it hit him, another gas pain, he tried to hold back but knew it wasn't going to fade
away this time.
Thinking quickly he thought of the old covered bridge just down the road, with its loose and
creaking boards, he accelerated to try to get to the old bridge before it was too late.
He just had drove into the darkness of the bridge when sweet relief came, as they exited
the bridge she was no longer sitting snuggled up beside him, but on the other side of the
car with her head out the window gasping for air.
He didn't know that they had paved the bridge since the last time he had driven across it.
He tried, uneasily and embarrassed, to get the conversation back going again by asking
her if she had read todays newspaper.
She said "No, but if you'll pull over I'll get you a hand full of leaves!
http://www.tmorg-forums.com/
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked
beans. He loved them, he adored them, he yearned for them. But they always had
a very embarrassing and somewhat lively reaction on him. Then one day, he met a
girl and fell in love. When it was apparent to him that they would marry, he
thought to himself, "She is such a sweet and gentle girl that she would never go
for this kind of carrying on."
Thus, he realized she might be embarrassed and humiliated by his addiction to
baked beans. So, he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved baked
beans.
They were married shortly thereafter.
Some months later his car broke down on the way home from work. Since they
lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late
because he had to walk home. On the way, he passed a small cafe and decided to
call his wife and tell her that he would be late for supper. As he entered the
cafe, the smell of baked beans overwhelmed him. He still had several miles to
go, and decided that he could walk off any side effects before reaching home.
But before he knew it, he had eaten three large plates of baked beans. Even
as he left the cafe, the effects began to be felt. All the way home he putt-
putted and after arriving, felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted his
last. Just as he reached his home, however, he felt a great rumbling inside and
was seized with a terrible urgency. As he waited just outside his front door to
release one last noxious output, his wife threw open the door. She seemed
somewhat excited to see him and exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful
surprise for dinner tonight." She then blindfolded him and then led him to his
chair at the head of the table.
He seated himself, and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the
telephone rang. She made him vow not to touch the blindfold until she returned,
then went to answer the phone. When she had gone for the phone, he seized the
opportunity, shifted his weight to one leg, and loudly broke wind. It was not
only sonorous, but also ripe as rotten eggs. He took the napkin from his lap
and vigorously fanned the air about him.
Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming on him,
so he shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This was a true
prize winner; it sounded like a tuba and smelled so bad that he started gagging.
While keeping his ear on the conversation in the hall, he went on like this for
ten minutes letting out powerful bursts that rattled the windows and shook the
dishes on the table until he knew the phone farewells from his wife indicated
the end of his freedom.
He placed his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it, and
smiling contentedly to himself, he was the very picture of innocence when his
wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked if he had peeked and
he, of course, assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the
blindfold, and there was his surprise. Twelve dinner guests seated around the
table for a Happy Birthday party for him.
There was this young man who was from a very poor family, all they had to eat was beans.
His Mother fixed them many different ways, baked beans, soup beans, pork and beans,
beanie weenies you name it.
One day this young man came home and told his mother that he was going to take the
most beautiful girl in his high school to the prom.
He had worked very hard, saving his money for months so that he could do, or buy,
something special.
He had went and got his tuxedo, bought her corsage, borrowed his rich Uncle's new
cadillac and cleaned it up special to impress his date.
He had worked very hard and his mother left him some of the baked beans from last nights
supper for him to warm up.
He came in, warmed up his dinner, and ate it before he got cleaned up and dressed for his
big date.
On his way over to pick her up he started having rumblings in his stomach, and being
nervous about this date didn't help him any.
He held back and the feeling passed, then he picked up his date, pinned the corsage on
her, talked and had pictures made at her parents house, then they were finally on their
way to the big event.
They talked and she slid closer to him, and soon he had his arm around her feeling like a
king.
Then it hit him, another gas pain, he tried to hold back but knew it wasn't going to fade
away this time.
Thinking quickly he thought of the old covered bridge just down the road, with its loose and
creaking boards, he accelerated to try to get to the old bridge before it was too late.
He just had drove into the darkness of the bridge when sweet relief came, as they exited
the bridge she was no longer sitting snuggled up beside him, but on the other side of the
car with her head out the window gasping for air.
He didn't know that they had paved the bridge since the last time he had driven across it.
He tried, uneasily and embarrassed, to get the conversation back going again by asking
her if she had read todays newspaper.
She said "No, but if you'll pull over I'll get you a hand full of leaves!
http://www.tmorg-forums.com/