The IRS

dheffley

THE IRS Did you ever notice: If you put the 2 words "THE" and "IRS" together it spells "THEIRS"? $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$The owner of a small deli was being questioned by IRS agent about his tax return. He had reported a net profit of $80,000 for the year. "Why don't you people leave me alone?" the deli owner said. "I work like a dog, everyone in my family helps out, the place is only closed three days a year. And you want to know how I made $80,000?" "It's not your income that bothers us," the agent said. "It's these deductions. You listed six trips to Bermuda for you and your wife." "Oh, that," the owner said smiling. "I forgot to tell you -- we also deliver." $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$A new arrival, about to enter hospital, saw two white coated doctors searching through the flower beds. "Excuse me," he said, "have you lost something?" "No," replied one of the doctors. "We're doing a heart transplant for an IRS agent and want to find a suitable rock." $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Internal Revenue Service Theme Song Tax his cow, Tax his goat; Tax his pants, Tax his coat; Tax his crop, Tax his work; Tax his ties, Tax his shirt; Tax his chew, Tax his smoke Teach him taxing is no joke. Tax his tractor, Tax his mule; Tell him, Taxing is the rule. Tax his oil, Tax his gas Tax his notes, Tax his cash Tax him good and let him know, That after taxes, he has no dough. If he hollers, Tax him more; Tax him till he's good and sore. Tax his coffin, Tax his grave, Tax his sod in which he's laid. Put these words upon his tomb, "Taxes drove him to his doom." After he's gone, we won't relax. We'll still collect inheritance tax. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Q: Are birth control pills deductible? A: Only if they don't work $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Q. What do women and tax forms have in common? A. Men love to cheat on them. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ Death and Taxes A businessman on his deathbed called his friend and said, "Bill, I want you to promise me that when I die you will have my remains cremated." "And what," his friend asked, "do you want me to do with your ashes?" The businessman said, "Just put them in an envelope and mail them to the Internal Revenue Service and write on the envelope, 'Now you have everything.'" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ "A Flag As A Tax Symbol?" A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "Oh, that's the same with us," nodded the American, "Only we see stars, too!" $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$ There is only one thing worse than the flu season -- the tax season. You can recover from the flu. $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.

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