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Funeral
oneeyedokie
Member Posts: 467 ✭✭✭
Sam died. His Will provided $50,000 for an elaborate funeral.
As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest
friend Sadie and said, "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased."
"I'm sure you're right," replied Sadie, who leaned in close and
lowered her voice to a whisper. "Tell me, how much did it really
cost?"
"All of it," said Rose. "Fifty thousand."
"No!" Sadie exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but really...$50,000?"
Rose nodded. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the Shul for the Rabbi's services. The shiva food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Sadie computed quickly. "$42,500 for a memorial stone? Oy vey, how big is it?"
"Seven and a half carats."[:D]
As the last attenders left, Sam's wife Rose turned to her oldest
friend Sadie and said, "Well, I'm sure Sam would be pleased."
"I'm sure you're right," replied Sadie, who leaned in close and
lowered her voice to a whisper. "Tell me, how much did it really
cost?"
"All of it," said Rose. "Fifty thousand."
"No!" Sadie exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but really...$50,000?"
Rose nodded. "The funeral was $6,500. I donated $500 to the Shul for the Rabbi's services. The shiva food and drinks were another $500. The rest went for the memorial stone."
Sadie computed quickly. "$42,500 for a memorial stone? Oy vey, how big is it?"
"Seven and a half carats."[:D]
Comments
> >>
> >> (DON'T SKIP THE PRAYER AT THE END...ITS PRICELESS!)
> >>
> >> A woman was leaving a convenience store with her morning coffee when
she
> >> noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
> >> cemetery. A long black hearse was followed by a second long black
hearse
> >> about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a
> >> solitary woman
> >> walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her a short distance back were
> >> about 200 women walking single file.
> >> The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the
> >> woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss, I know
now
> >> is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
> >> Whose funeral is it?"
> >> "My husband's."
> >> "What happened to him?"
> >>
> >> The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
> >> She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
> >> The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my
> >> husband when the dog turned on her."
> >> A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two
> >> women.
> >> "Can I borrow the dog?"
> >> "Get in line."
> >> Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, to understand a man. Love, to
> >> forgive him; and, Patience, for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray
> >> for Strength I'll just beat him to death
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50 feet behind the first one. Behind the second hearse was a solitary woman walking a pit bull on a leash. Behind her, a short distance back, were about 200 women walking single file.
The woman couldn't stand her curiosity. She respectfully approached the woman walking the dog and said, "I am so sorry for your loss", I know now is a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this.
Whose funeral is it?"
"My husband's."
"What happened to him?"
The woman replied, "My dog attacked and killed him."
She inquired further, "Well, who is in the second hearse?"
The woman answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my husband when the dog turned on her."
A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two women.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
"Get in the line."
"Life is not a journey to the grave wtih the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body,
But rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming
-WOW- WHAT A RIDE!!!!!"
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee when he
noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby
cemetery.
A long black hearse was followed by a second long black hearse about 50
feet behind the first one.
Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking single
file.
The man couldn't stand the curiosity.
He respectfully approached the man walking the dog and said, "I am so
sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've
never seen a funeral like this. "Whose funeral is it?"
"My wife's."
''What happened to her?"
The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife when
the dog turned on her."
A very poignant and touching moment, of brotherhood and silence, passed
between the two men.
"Can I borrow the dog?"
The man replied, "Get in line."
man that got me hot.Can anyone here explain to me why they do this at funerals?
Because funerals are for the living and not the dead. Time for people to get right with their maker, because you never know when your number is up.
I never thought of it that way. Hmmmmm....good point.
What the heck is an "alter call"(?), no disrespect intended....
Sorta a "Last Call" for Church. Don
What the heck is an "alter call"(?), no disrespect intended....
+1
Did the pastor call his homies on his Boost Mobile phone while on the alter?
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
What the heck is an "alter call"(?), no disrespect intended....
Sorta a "Last Call" for Church. Don
Please excuse me, I'm not trying to be dense. I was raised Catholic, and in my 41 years, I have never witnesssed a "last call" at a funeral. But "last call" for whom? Surely not the deceased, are you saying for those who might have offended the deceased?
Altar call
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
An altar call is a practice in some Evangelical churches in which those who wish to receive Jesus Christ as their Savior or those who wish to make a new spiritual commitment to Jesus Christ are invited to come forward publicly. The purpose of the altar call is to publicly demonstrate to the world that you are not ashamed to be identified with Jesus.
Most altar calls occur at the end of an evangelical address. In a church setting those invited generally come forward to the altar, hence the name. In other settings the invitation may be referred to as an "altar call" even if there is no actual altar present. Many preachers make use of the altar call, notably Billy Graham. Those that come forward will usually be asked to make a confession of their new faith with the preacher or an assistant, and the preacher or assistant will pray with and for the new convert. They may also be offered literature or counselling and other assistance in their new faith.
Altar calls may also invite Christians to come forward for specific purposes other than conversion; for example to rededicate their lives after a lapse, or to receive a particular blessing (such as the gifts of the Holy Spirit) or if they are called to certain tasks such as missionary work.
The modern altar call has its beginnings in the efforts of American evangelist Charles Finney in the early 19th century. Many churches, especially those that practice Evangelical Christianity, believe that one must make a public proclamation of faith based on scriptural passages found in the Bible in which Jesus states, "Whoever acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge him before my Father in heaven. But whoever disowns me before men, I will disown him before my Father in heaven." Other churches find the use of the altar call to be intimidating and therefore creating an artificial barrier to those who would be ready to become Christians but are by disposition nervous of doing anything under the gaze of possibly thousands of people.
I apologize for not Wikipedia-ing myself, thanks for the help.
You're quite welcome. I am also a Catholic [;)].
Give the minister a break. He is a salesman and had a quota to meet.
In that case, I consider it a hideous breech of a personal boundary as a funeral is supposed to be about the deceased, and I would be outraged as well.
quote:Originally posted by rcrxs old lady
What the heck is an "alter call"(?), no disrespect intended....
Sorta a "Last Call" for Church. Don
That's good. I'll have to remember that one. Most preachers preach special salvation sermons. When I went to church while going to college, the preacher could preach a good sermon about anything. Everyone could get something out of it, but he still could tie it to salvation at the end. Yes, there would be an alter call.
My wifes best friend passed away and at the services today as she was being eulogised the pastor not once but twice made a alter call,
man that got me hot.Can anyone here explain to me why they do this at funerals?
Most likely he did that at the funeral because the deceased was a Christian and wanted it done. I think it takes balls of solid brass to "get hot" over whatever kind of funeral a person wants or has. That's pretty much up to the family of the deceased who hopefully know what the deceased wants. If you want a pagan funeral or no funeral at all that is what you should have, and if anybody does an altar call your family should "get hot". Anybody else should keep their opinion to themselves or stay away. If you don't want to attend a Christian Service stay away from Christian Funerals.
Now that I think about it, I guess it doesn't take balls of solid brass. Not much the deceased can do about it. Ever thought about "getting hot" with some of us who ain't dead yet?
Yes, a funeral is a time for the living, and it might be appropriate for the living to contemplate what they are living for and where they are headed when THEY die. Some encouraging words from the pastor could be very helpful, and personal talks with people who really want to pursue the subject AND could well serve to depopulate hell and populate heaven! Can't beat that!