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Funny. Funnier Than P**A

nunnnunn Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
edited December 2001 in General Discussion
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children in bed with my wife, Karey, apparently scared by the loud storm. I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. The next day, I talked to the children and explained that it was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, Karen and the children picked me up in theterminal at the appointed time. Since the plane was late, everyone had come into the terminal to wait for my plane's arrival, along with hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving passengers. As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came running shouting, "Hi, Dad! I've got some good news!" As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" "Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" Alex shouted. The airport became very quiet, as everyone in the waiting area looked at Alex, then turned to me, and then searched the rest of the area to see if they could figure out exactly who his Mom was.
An acquaintance of mine who is a physician told this story about her then 4 yr. old daughter. On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought my friend, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument: "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order?"
A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown'sdaughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm not."
At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, he leaned over and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter dress?" The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on mike, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a * to iron."
And my personal favorite - A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." With no hesitation, the little girl says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."
Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord!

Comments

  • badboybobbadboybob Member Posts: 1,658 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Priceless! Thanks nunn
  • SXSMANSXSMAN Member Posts: 2,616 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Thank you David,I needed a laugh.
  • IconoclastIconoclast Member Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Back before Jerry Springer, the WWF & similar quality programming dominated TV, Art Linkletter had a great show - "Kids Say the Darnest Things" . . . that was hilarious, also. Thanks, David.
  • PelicanPelican Member Posts: 1,061 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Way to go David. Loved 'em all, specially the last two.
  • varmit huntervarmit hunter Member Posts: 1,674 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    The great thing about kids.There is no BS.They seem to learn that from adults.
    A unarmed man is a subject.A armed man is a citizen.
  • Judge DreadJudge Dread Member Posts: 2,372 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Some time ago in my RPG class I was in charge of the lab computer ,we had to give our test papers that same afternoon and a verry stressed lady shouted across the roomHEY ! I want you to do me ...in top of the printer ,I did not exactly understood her blunder and replied ... you want it bold orlowercase only ?....To that the room just exploded in laffter... and never i have seensuch red eyes looking at me from the other end of the room as of that day ...The first time I see a black lady turn red ...It was not my fault but I apologized to her later anyway...
    Ignis Natura Renovatur Integram
  • YankeeClipperYankeeClipper Member Posts: 669 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Here's a cute one I just read somewhere else." Bill Clinton finaly got a job, Hillary just hired him to open her mail.
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