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Surrogate father (joke, I hope)
will270win
Member Posts: 4,845
The Smiths were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, " I'm off. The man should be here soon."
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer ang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. " Good morning madam. I've come to . . . . ."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. " Really ?" the photographer asked. " Well, good ! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Now, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out !"
"Bathtub . . . living room floor ? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time . . . but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I m sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures . . ." This was done on the top of a bus."
" Oh my ! !" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
" And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
" She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
" Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
" Four and five deep ?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
" Yes," the photographer said . . . "and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling . . . I could hardly concentrate ! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. " You mean they actually chewed on your um .
. . equipment ?"
" That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
" Tripod ? ? ?"
" Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam ? Madam ? . . should I call an ambulance? Do you need help standing back up?"
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer ang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. " Good morning madam. I've come to . . . . ."
"Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in. " Really ?" the photographer asked. " Well, good ! I've made a specialty of babies."
"That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat. Now, where do we start?"
"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the
couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out !"
"Bathtub . . . living room floor ? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
"Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time . . . but if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I m sure you'll be pleased with the results."
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
"Don't I know it," Mrs. Smith muttered.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures . . ." This was done on the top of a bus."
" Oh my ! !" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
" And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."
" She was difficult ?" asked Mrs. Smith.
" Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look."
" Four and five deep ?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
" Yes," the photographer said . . . "and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling . . . I could hardly concentrate ! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in."
Mrs. Smith leaned forward. " You mean they actually chewed on your um .
. . equipment ?"
" That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work."
" Tripod ? ? ?"
" Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam ? Madam ? . . should I call an ambulance? Do you need help standing back up?"
"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend."
~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~