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Things you wont find on a Hallmark Greeting Card
4GodandCountry
Member Posts: 3,968
1. So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
3. Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
4. Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder?
What the hell was I thinking?
5. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
6. How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?
7. I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life...
I never believed in Hell till I met you.
9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
10. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
11. Someday I hope to get married ...but not to you.
12. Happy birthday! You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!
13. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your
promise.
14. We have been friends for a very long time...
what say we stop?
15. I'm so miserable without you ...
it's almost like you're here.
16. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
17. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
When Clinton left office they gave him a 21 gun salute. Its a damn shame they all missed....
and it spoiled your day.
Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay.
2. My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire...
I noticed your cat.
Sorry!
3. Heard your wife left you,
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...
She moved in with me.
4. Looking back over the years that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder?
What the hell was I thinking?
5. Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.
6. How could two people as beautiful as you...
Have such an ugly baby?
7. I've always wanted to have someone to hold,
someone to love.
After having met you ...
I've changed my mind.
8. I must admit, you brought Religion into my life...
I never believed in Hell till I met you.
9. As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me.
10. Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go ...
would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.
11. Someday I hope to get married ...but not to you.
12. Happy birthday! You look great for your age...
Almost Lifelike!
13. When we were together, you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your
promise.
14. We have been friends for a very long time...
what say we stop?
15. I'm so miserable without you ...
it's almost like you're here.
16. Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?
17. Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your
birthday.
So we're having you put to sleep.
When Clinton left office they gave him a 21 gun salute. Its a damn shame they all missed....
Comments
On my 37th birthday I received a card from a friend that had all of the normal stuff on the front. Inside it said and now for the good news, "You are now officially at least half way to dead"...
Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Liberals....
Marriage is a wonderful institution .....
But most psychiatric(sp) hospitals are
and
You put the U in ugly
AN ARMED SOCIETY IS A POLITE SOCIETY
Happy Birthday ! Aging is mandatory, Maturing is optional
I try to remind my wife of that on a regular basis ...
"A Fear of Weapons is a sign of Retarded Sexual
and Emotional Maturity" Sigmund Freud
"MOLON LABE !"
cbxjeffIt's too late for me, save yourself.
If I'm wrong please correct me, I won't be offended.
The sound of a 12 gauge pump clears a house fatser than Rosie O eats a Big Mac !