Getting old (joke)

woodsrunner

An older couple was lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk.

She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.

A few moments later she said, "Then you used to kiss me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek, and settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said, "Then you used to bite my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth."


Woods

woodsrunner

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer.





Woods

woodsrunner

A little girl was sitting on her grandfather's lap as he read her a bedtime story. From time to time she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke up, "Grandpa, did God make you?"
"Yes, sweetheart," he answered, "God made me a long time ago."

"Oh, she paused, "Grandpa, did God make me too?"

"Yes indeed, honey," he said, "God made you just a little while ago."

Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it, isn't He?"


Woods

woodsrunner

A 75-year-old woman had a vision one night-she saw and spoke to God. She asked him, "How much time do I have to live?" He said, "You have 35 years left."
So that whole year she had a ton of cosmetic surgery, she had a face lift, a tummy tuck, her nose reshaped, liposuction; she completely did herself over. She figured as long as she was going to live another 35 years she was going to look young again.

After all this was done, that same year she was hit by a car and was killed instantly. When she entered St. Peter's gate she walked over to God and said, "What happened? I thought you said I had another 35 years."

God replied, "I didn't recognize you!"


Woods

pickenup

While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certification, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class some 25 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate.

After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. 'Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1976." "Why you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and said,

"What did you teach?"


The gene pool needs chlorine.