I thought this was funny

mudge

Well...it was funny but I couldn't get the picture to post.

Mudge the computerly challenged

I can't come to work today. The voices said, STAY HOME AND CLEAN THE GUNS!

Edited by - mudge on 07/07/2002 13:51:45

Edited by - mudge on 07/07/2002 13:52:30

mudge

I got this in today's mail from the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee.

It says Jeffrey Clark is too conservative for Virginia. He wants to eliminate the IRS, dangerously slash taxes and restrict America's borders.

I didn't even know there was a Jeffrey Clark, and as I've mentioned before, our candidates for Representative are a communist masquerading as a Democrat and a socialist masquerading as a Republican. Since the House of Representatives is the only thing we are voting for this election, and since I can't pull the switch on either of the R & D candidates, I had almost decided to sit the election out for the first time since 1964.

The Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee has given me a reason to go to the poll. I only wish he actually had a chance of winning.

gruntled

Have my doubts about this one but will print it as I found it.

This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Worker's Compensation board. This is a true story. Had this guy died, he'd have received a Darwin Award for sure . . .

Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident. I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lb.

Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor.

Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks.
You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lb.

Due to my surprise at being * off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally, impressive speed.
This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lb. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.

Warpig883

First saw this one about 15 years ago. It is still funny