Can You Pass The Utah Gun Owner's Test?

Josey1

KIRBY: Can You Pass The Utah Gun Owner's Test? Thursday, January 10, 2002 BY ROBERT KIRBY Robert Kirby is on vacation. The following column is a reprint. Gun owners: pay attention. There will be a test today. A test is what former U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno wants before anyone is allowed to buy a firearm. Even if all you want to do is shoot out the windows in your boss's office, you still should know how to load, store and properly maintain your new gun. Reno also wants a background check done on buyers. Before you get your gun, a government agency will first check to see if you have been loaded, stored and properly maintained in the past yourself. It's fair. As a licensed operator of a motor vehicle, I believe a gun purchase test is long overdue. After all, it's a bit odd that I need a license to make an unsafe lane change, but you don't need one to brandish a firearm at me in protest of it. Testing won't stop loony people from getting guns. Heck, you can build one on your own. Bammer and I once constructed a cannon capable of shooting a golf ball half a mile, or clear through an abandoned car, whichever stupidity occurred to us first. In our particular case, the gun ownership test came after the fact, not a small part of which involved the shelling of a poultry farm. The first question on the oral exam was, "How do you plead?" This is no laughing matter. Do you have any idea what a Titleist sounds like hitting corrugated tin at 900-feet per second? Back then, the fine for giving 20,000 turkeys a migraine was 150 bucks. I don't want this to happen to you. That's why I put together this temporary firearm test. Fill it out and leave it with the sales clerk when you go in to buy your new gun. This is not a gimmick. The clerk will forward it to me, I'll send it on to Reno, and, within five working days (less federal holidays, so, about a month) DEA agents will raid your house looking for nuclear weapons. 1. Gunpowder was invented by: a) the Chinese, b) the Portuguese, c) John Wayne. 2. When fired, bullets typically emerge from: a) the muzzle, b) the barrel, c) the other side of the deer/burglar. 3. When not in use, firearms should be: a) unloaded, b) in a holster, c) pawned. 4. The term "automatic weapon" refers to: a) single-shot, b) machine gun, c) Utah male's 12th birthday. 5. When traveling by motor vehicle, firearms should be: a) placed on the dashboard, b) unloaded, c) fired recklessly out the window. 6. In order to carry a firearm concealed on your person, you must first obtain: a) a shoulder holster, b) a state permit, c) a very small gun. 7. Firearms may not be discharged: a) across a roadway, b) at passing aircraft, c) in Sunday School, d) none of the above. 8. When loading a firearm, the muzzle should be pointed: a) at the ground, b) at the sky, c) at someone who owes you money. 9. The effective range of a fired bullet is: a) 100 yards, b) one mile, c) however far away the target is. 10. Without obtaining a special permit, it is illegal to possess: a) fully automatic weapons, b) certain howitzers, c) flamethrowers. 11. When hunting deer or other large mammals, the smallest caliber allowed by state law is: a) .22-caliber, b) .30-caliber, c) 40 millimeter. 12. When approached by a police officer, a citizen carrying a concealed weapon should: a) tell the officer about the weapon, b) say nothing, c) flee while shooting wildly in the air. That should do it. If you got mostly A's, you'll be fine. If you scored mainly C's, the rest of us will be fine once the DEA figures out where you live. _________ Salt Lake Tribune columnist Robert Kirby lives in Springville. He welcomes mail at P.O. Box 684, Springville, UT 84663 or e-mail at rkirby@sltrib.com. http://www.sltrib.com/01102002/utah/166217.htm

axlerfan

fell outta my chair laughing

changdao

If`n I`da know`d there was gonna be a test, I`da studdied! Guess I`ll stay outta Utah fer a while.

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No good deed goes unpunished

Judge Dread

Modified TEST1. Gunpowder was invented by: a) the Chinese, b) the Portuguese, c) John Wayne D)Paladin Press2. When fired, bullets typically emerge from: a) the muzzle, b) the barrel, c) the other side of the deer/burglar D)Police officer chest.3. When not in use, firearms should be: a) unloaded, b) in a holster, c) pawned D)sold to a felon 4. The term "automatic weapon" refers to: a) single-shot, b) machine gun, c) Utah male's 12th birthday D)A viagra overdosed priest at an orgy. 5. When traveling by motor vehicle, firearms should be: a) placed on the dashboard, b) unloaded, c) fired recklessly out the window D)fired at road sings and not missing one shot. 6. In order to carry a firearm concealed on your person, you must first obtain: a) a shoulder holster, b) a state permit, c) a very small gun D)Wear the widest Jacket you can find. 7. Firearms may not be discharged: a) across a roadway, b) at passing aircraft, c) in Sunday School, d) none of the above .8. When loading a firearm, the muzzle should be pointed: a) at the ground, b) at the sky, c) at someone who owes you money D)Mother in law 9. The effective range of a fired bullet is: a) 100 yards, b) one mile, c) however far away the target is D)Were it kills your victim. 10. Without obtaining a special permit, it is illegal to possess: a) fully automatic weapons, b) certain howitzers, c) flamethrowers D)None of the avove 11. When hunting deer or other large mammals, the smallest caliber allowed by state law is: a) .22-caliber, b) .30-caliber, c) 40 millimeter D) Whatever you can use to shoot him point blank in the head at night time using a flashlight. 12. When approached by a police officer, a citizen carrying a concealed weapon should: a) tell the officer about the weapon, b) say nothing, c) flee while shooting wildly in the air D)shoot at him then flee. SCORES:A: Lame lambB: ParanoidC: Paranoid-squizo .D: Bin Laden will envy you,the rest of us will be fine once the DEA figures out where you live and sends you to Guantanamo to be kept in a cage.

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