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>A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car
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>and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
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>The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through
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>her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it
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>look like?" she finally asked.
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>The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
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>The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it
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>to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
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>The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
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>"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
Four blondes walk into a bar. They are all dressed real nice and one of them is clutching a large picture frame.
One of them goes up to the bartender and orders the most expensive wine they have. The ladies go into the back and sit down. They start drinking and celebrating while staring at this picture frame.
The bartender can't see the front of the picture, but he is curious so he walks around to look at the frame. It's a completed puzzle of Cookie Monster. He asks them all why they are so happy about the puzzle that they would celebrate and frame it.
The blondes are all smiling and one of them says, "You know everyone says we are so stupid. Well, we showed them. You see that puzzle, the box said 7+ years and we did it in three weeks!!"
Blonde Wife walked in on her husband while engaged in an affair with his lover,, The blond wife was so angry she pulled out a pistol and pointed it at her own head. The husband said What are you doing? Dont do that., the Blonde wife said "Shut up you are next"
The Blonde woman went to outside to her mail box, looked in and it was empty, went back in the house, only to return to the mail box within 5 min, again empty, this went on all day, every five minutes she checked out the box, Her neighbor finally ask her if she was expecting a special letter or package,
"No" she replied, it just that my computer keeps telling me "You Have Mail"
Dear Diary,
>>
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the
contractor who installed them.
>>
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year
ago and I hadn't paid for them.
>>
Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid.
>>
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME
last year....namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows
would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
just hung up....He didn't call back.
>>
Guess I won that stupid argument.
A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you
possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for
your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you
fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes I know, and I did take them to the zoo" said the blonde, but we had money left over---so we went to the movies!!! [:o)][:o)]
A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears.
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"The son of a b**ch called back!" [:o)]
When Clinton lied, no one died.
"It is fortunate for governments that the people do not think. ADOLPH HITLER"
> > Three women who work in the same office notice > > that their female boss has started leaving work > > early every day, so one day they decide that > > after she leaves, they'll take off early, too. > > After all, she never calls or comes back, so > > how is she to know? > > > > The brunette is thrilled to get home early. She > > does a little gardening, watches a movie and > > then goes to bed early. > > > > The redhead is elated to be able to get in a > > quick workout at her health club before meeting > > a dinner date. > > > > The blonde is also very happy to be home early, > > but as she goes upstairs she hears noises > > coming from her bedroom. She quietly opens the > > door a crack and is mortified to see her > > husband in bed with HER BOSS! Ever so gently, > > she closes the door and creeps out of her > > house. > > > > The next day the brunette and redhead talk > > about leaving early again, but when they ask > > the blonde if she wants to leave early also, > > she exclaims, > > > > "NO WAY! Yesterday I almost got caught!
Comments
>
>
>and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
>
>
>The cop asked to see the blonde's driver's license. She dug through
>
>
>her purse and was getting progressively more agitated. "What does it
>
>
>look like?" she finally asked.
>
>
>
>The policewoman replied, "It's square and it has your picture on it."
>
>
>
>The driver finally found a square mirror, looked at it and handed it
>
>
>to the policewoman. "Here it is," she said.
>
>
>
>The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying,
>
>
>"Okay, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."
One of them goes up to the bartender and orders the most expensive wine they have. The ladies go into the back and sit down. They start drinking and celebrating while staring at this picture frame.
The bartender can't see the front of the picture, but he is curious so he walks around to look at the frame. It's a completed puzzle of Cookie Monster. He asks them all why they are so happy about the puzzle that they would celebrate and frame it.
The blondes are all smiling and one of them says, "You know everyone says we are so stupid. Well, we showed them. You see that puzzle, the box said 7+ years and we did it in three weeks!!"
"No" she replied, it just that my computer keeps telling me "You Have Mail"
>>
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive
double-pane energy efficient kind. But this week I got a call from the
contractor who installed them.
>>
He was complaining that the work had been completed a whole year
ago and I hadn't paid for them.
>>
Hellloooo? Now just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid.
>>
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy had told ME
last year....namely, that in just ONE YEAR these windows
would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally
just hung up....He didn't call back.
>>
Guess I won that stupid argument.
Larry
The plane was going down fast, and there were only four parachutes for all five of them.
The pilot took one and jumped, then the movie star took one and jumped, and then the blonde took one and jumped.
The pope told the brunette to take the last one.
The brunette said, "There are still 2 parachutes left! The blonde took my backpack!"
"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"
"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you
possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for
your trouble."
"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified!! There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.
With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the
blonde. "What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you
fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."
"Yes I know, and I did take them to the zoo" said the blonde, but we had money left over---so we went to the movies!!! [:o)][:o)]
volenti non fit injuria
She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to the other ear?"
"The son of a b**ch called back!" [:o)]
When Clinton lied, no one died.
"It is fortunate for governments that the people do not think. ADOLPH HITLER"
"They that would give up liberty to obtain safety deserve neither liberty nor safety"Benj. Franklin, 1759
"RUN-it's a grenade"