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ATTN: Jackits....

the loveable rat...the loveable rat... Member Posts: 969 ✭✭✭✭
edited December 2001 in General Discussion
hello: in my surfing, i have come across a businessman whose wares i thought you might find intriguing...i will turn my keyboard over to him now... merry x-mas,T.L.R. first, Let me introduce myself. i am a Trader of fine and rare Antiquities and Goods uncovered in travels and Places of manufacture so unique and well made that no one seems able to know how to sell them anymore. Rather than involve myself with shady auction Houses and back-alley Wholesalers(or worse yet, sniffy Musuem folk whom appreciate only with a jaded eye), with all their attendant headache and gougery(being but a lowly middle man, as it were, myself), i have sought the miracle known to us as the direct sale. but rather than talk of business, perhaps i shall list a selection of wares and offer them to you, fine gentlemen of taste and leisure. assuredly, money is of no object, yet in these trying times we all struggle- therewith all shipping arrangements will be gratis...item#1- i case of handmade smoking jackets destined for the duke of perth, mostly silk, some figurative maiden prancing, some bleeding harts chased by hounds, 1 particularly fine example showing entire fleets engaged in battle of trafalgar#2- stone cannon of knights templar, bore size approx. 2 hand-widths, used in 2nd crusade, depicts men praying, fighting, etc. in bas relief. beautifully stylised, illuminated reloading manual included(parchment). caution, heavy object- horse cart delivery subject to frequent delays#3 george custer's severed hand holding revolver...hand shows some expected aging and shrinkage, yet weapon displays little mis-use. certificate of dna to proclaim authenticity.#4 Great Saladin's pistol set: 2 cunningly crafted Handguns given to the sultan upon his deathbed by a pair of traveling Polish princes...elaborate etching and subsequent reworking of silverwork. included are 2 human skull powder-horns with filligry and arabic inlay, instructions to disable poison booby trap laden presentation-box. #5 Ludwig The Crazy of Bavaria's 17' Long Shotgun...damascus barrel spirals the history of his mad reign...a penultimate example of bavarian metalurgy and madness#6 a handwritten Manuscript of a Wolly Mammoth Hunt transcibed on the pelt of the only known modern example of this pre-historical Behemoth...written by the last Tsar's Royal Gameskeeper. Collected by him on his last Siberian vacation.#7 miniature collection of all known firearms(circa 1988).all models fire miniature bullets w/ porportionally correct muzzle velocities... of unknown manufacture...#8 Astronaught John Glenn's Lazer Gun. Works best in Space. Batteries included.#9 Brazillian bankruptcy forces sale of experimental Rail-gun. Uses Forces of Nature and magnets to launch projectiles at high speeds. Dangerous and potentially illegal in the American State of California. Located deep in the heart of the Amazon Jungle.I grow weary of typing, yet i have so much more for sale...well, let me know of your inclinations and, truly, i am at your service...sincerely,Achmen Fahharr-SuminskiDealer of Reliquaries,Etc.

Comments

  • RembrandtRembrandt Member Posts: 4,486 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I say my good man, some interesting artifacts indeed! Perhaps we should consult with Sir Lord Beekeeper, these items would make great conversation pieces for his country estate....too bad we couldn't see some photos of these rare antiquities.
  • shaneshane Member Posts: 882 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I'll take items #2 and #7 if you can deliver them to my home withen the next 23 hours.
    Sir Shane of the~Secret Select Society of Sauve Stylish Smoking Jackets~
  • 218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
    edited November -1
    Lord Rembrandt,I must have those smoking jackets at all cost!!!!They would fit into my collection well,and the Smoking Jacket Club has grown to the point where more spare jackets are needed..besides,I have that fettish,..you know?!Now I have been very extravagant in my spending,as host for all club functions...I must ask you to hint to all Smoking Jacket Club Members what a smashing good gift they would be for Sir Lord Beekeeper!!!Your humble ally~Sir Lord Beekeeper~
  • RembrandtRembrandt Member Posts: 4,486 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Lord Beekeeper, what is money amoung people of our means (only a curse)....consider the new jacket yours....the check is in the mail. How are your "Noles" doing? We really must all get together some time for a round of tennis and cucumber sandwiches.
  • 218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
    edited November -1
    Lord Rembrandt my good fellow,how lovely to here from you,..and I knew I could count on you for those jackets!Also perhaps a round of badmintin,...and some of those lovely chicken salad sandwiches,..cut into little triangles,..and the crust trimmed off!~LordBee~
  • idsman75idsman75 Member Posts: 13,398 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Sir Lord Beekeep...You tempt my palate with mention of those delicious finger foods. Top it off with thinly sliced cucumbers and I will beg to accompany you provided that I am permitted to sip oolong tea.
  • RembrandtRembrandt Member Posts: 4,486 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Lord Beekeeper, have been considering a new adventure for the Club members....have you ever witnessed a UFO? Must call it an evening, big day tomorrow...
  • 218Beekeep218Beekeep Member Posts: 3,033
    edited November -1
    Idsman, my dear young friend,when were you not welcomed to join in with lord Rembrandt and I,in our informal meetings?I am sure that I may speak for his lordship,as well as for myself ,when saying we both injoy your intelect,..as well as the fresh ideas you bring to the club......now,what is this oolong tea?~SLB~
  • travelortravelor Member Posts: 442 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Shane...Where'v you been off to? havn't heard hide nor tail of you for quite a time...Did you bag a big buck?....Or did you just take the club humvee for a spin, and found yourself enjoying it a bit to much....
    keep lots of extra uppers for your ar..you can change often enough to keep the thing from over heating...what ever caliber fits the moment..~Secret Select Society of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~
  • the loveable rat...the loveable rat... Member Posts: 969 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Fellow Sirs:I have just come into acquisition of a few other items of interest in an interesting way, though discretion begs me to decline to relate....a set of 100 sporting "clays" of high Porceline fashioned and glazed as lifelike winged ducks as well as an elaborate contraption made to propel them through the air at great speeds...Stalin's 2-* Pistol, crafted by the great Dragonov, must be seen to be believed...the Cherished Pipe of the Captain of Napoleon's Horse Gaurds- complete with illustrated Tobacco pouch, depicting Far Egypt Pyramids...and something for the Lady- a small sidearm that emits a spritz of lavish Perfume with each round fired...Once again, let me wish to your good health and continued Wisdom (as always, i shall enclose a silver Anti-Werewolf bullet in your desired caliber with each order filled)...-Your Servant in Arms and Regalia,A.Faharr-Suminski
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