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ATTN: Jackits....
the loveable rat...
Member Posts: 969 ✭✭✭✭
hello: in my surfing, i have come across a businessman whose wares i thought you might find intriguing...i will turn my keyboard over to him now... merry x-mas,T.L.R. first, Let me introduce myself. i am a Trader of fine and rare Antiquities and Goods uncovered in travels and Places of manufacture so unique and well made that no one seems able to know how to sell them anymore. Rather than involve myself with shady auction Houses and back-alley Wholesalers(or worse yet, sniffy Musuem folk whom appreciate only with a jaded eye), with all their attendant headache and gougery(being but a lowly middle man, as it were, myself), i have sought the miracle known to us as the direct sale. but rather than talk of business, perhaps i shall list a selection of wares and offer them to you, fine gentlemen of taste and leisure. assuredly, money is of no object, yet in these trying times we all struggle- therewith all shipping arrangements will be gratis...item#1- i case of handmade smoking jackets destined for the duke of perth, mostly silk, some figurative maiden prancing, some bleeding harts chased by hounds, 1 particularly fine example showing entire fleets engaged in battle of trafalgar#2- stone cannon of knights templar, bore size approx. 2 hand-widths, used in 2nd crusade, depicts men praying, fighting, etc. in bas relief. beautifully stylised, illuminated reloading manual included(parchment). caution, heavy object- horse cart delivery subject to frequent delays#3 george custer's severed hand holding revolver...hand shows some expected aging and shrinkage, yet weapon displays little mis-use. certificate of dna to proclaim authenticity.#4 Great Saladin's pistol set: 2 cunningly crafted Handguns given to the sultan upon his deathbed by a pair of traveling Polish princes...elaborate etching and subsequent reworking of silverwork. included are 2 human skull powder-horns with filligry and arabic inlay, instructions to disable poison booby trap laden presentation-box. #5 Ludwig The Crazy of Bavaria's 17' Long Shotgun...damascus barrel spirals the history of his mad reign...a penultimate example of bavarian metalurgy and madness#6 a handwritten Manuscript of a Wolly Mammoth Hunt transcibed on the pelt of the only known modern example of this pre-historical Behemoth...written by the last Tsar's Royal Gameskeeper. Collected by him on his last Siberian vacation.#7 miniature collection of all known firearms(circa 1988).all models fire miniature bullets w/ porportionally correct muzzle velocities... of unknown manufacture...#8 Astronaught John Glenn's Lazer Gun. Works best in Space. Batteries included.#9 Brazillian bankruptcy forces sale of experimental Rail-gun. Uses Forces of Nature and magnets to launch projectiles at high speeds. Dangerous and potentially illegal in the American State of California. Located deep in the heart of the Amazon Jungle.I grow weary of typing, yet i have so much more for sale...well, let me know of your inclinations and, truly, i am at your service...sincerely,Achmen Fahharr-SuminskiDealer of Reliquaries,Etc.
Comments
Sir Shane of the~Secret Select Society of Sauve Stylish Smoking Jackets~
keep lots of extra uppers for your ar..you can change often enough to keep the thing from over heating...what ever caliber fits the moment..~Secret Select Society of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~