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ADVICE FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING TO THE SOUTH
n/a
Member Posts: 168,427 ✭
1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol'boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
26. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a southern accent, unless it is a southerner imitating a Boston accent.
10. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"
11. People walk slower here.
12. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
13. The first Southern expression to creep into a transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "Big ol'", as in "big ol' truck" or "big ol'boy". Eighty-five percent begin their new southern influenced dialect with this expression. One hundred percent are in denial about it.
14. The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.
15. Be advised: The "He needed killin'" defense is valid here.
16. If attending a funeral in the South, remember, we stay until the last shovel of dirt is thrown on and the tent is torn down.
17. If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.
18. Most Southerners do not use turn signals, and they ignore those who do. In fact, if you see a signal blinking on a car with a southern license plate, you may rest assured that it was on when the car was purchased.
19. Northerners can be identified by the spit on the inside of their car's windshield that comes from yelling at other drivers.
20. The winter wardrobe you always brought out in September can wait until November.
22. If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the most minuscule accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It does not matter if you need anything from the store, it is just something you're supposed to do.
23. Satellite dishes are very popular in the South. When you purchase one it is to be positioned directly in front of your trailer. This is logical bearing in mind that the dish cost considerably more than the trailer and should, therefore, be displayed.
24. Tornadoes and Southerners going through a divorce have a lot in common. In either case, you know someone is going to lose a trailer.
25. Florida is not considered a southern state. There are far more Yankees than Southerners living there.
26. In southern churches you will hear the hymn, "All Glory, Laud and Honor". You will also here expressions such as, "Laud, have mercy", "Good Laud", and "Laudy, Laudy, Laudy".
27. As you are cursing the person driving 15 mph in a 55 mph zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle known as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for the vehicle.
28. You can ask a Southerner for directions, but unless you already know the positions of key hills, trees and rocks, you're better off trying to find it yourself.
Comments
Little people talk about people,regular people talk about things,and big people talk about ideas.
Save your confederate money, we shall rise again!!!!!!!!!!1
Little people talk about people,regular people talk about things,and big people talk about ideas.
"We Don't Care How You Do It Up North,
Your In The South Now."
Remember...Terrorist are attacking Civilians; Not the Government. Protect Yourself!
Edited by - RugerNiner on 06/02/2002 15:02:11
NRA Lifetime Benefactor Member.
hey all!
Please reconsider. It is WAY too hot here. You will die of heat stroke in your first summer.
Stay home. Please.
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
hey all!
I drive very well.. drove 1800 miles to get here and I do it non stop.. as a matter of fact, I am the one hitting the horn to get you guys out of my way...
nunn...
Its just as hot where I come from..probably hotter.. hitting over 100.. so that just shot your "too hot" theory...
RugerNiner...
At least we believe in clocks, house numbers... etc.. need I go on?
Classic...
Remember when you came up North?
heheheheheheheh
hey all!
hey all!
nunn, you are oh, so right, on the temps. I just came in from outside - perfect summer day - about 52 with stiff breeze. I promise I will not move south!! West, maybe, north (AK) likely. I spent one summer on the Gulf Coast . . . if I had to do it again, I'd jump in front of a truck & get it over in a hurry.
Respect those who protect us now just as you would those who died for us in the past.
A yankee comes down to visit.
A d*mn yankee comes down and stays.
BlackRoses: It is probably hotter where you come from, but when you add 100% humidity it makes it worse.
Also to the northerners, grits are eaten with butter, salt and pepper, not milk and sugar.
Some of us folks from up north are great people!!!!!
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
"The powers delegated by the proposed constitution to the federal governmentare few and defined, and will be exercised principally on external objects, as war, peace negotiation, and foreign commerce"
-James Madison
-The climate and I definitely do not get along. Sometimes the humidity was so high the stairs were slippery. No one ever got hurt to my knowledge, but they could have. Little snow, and since snow is one of my favorite things in creation -thumbs down.
-The food is wonderful. I loved grits -put too much margarine on them though. Also had fried okra for the first time -fantastic. Not too big on collard greens -maybe if they had been fixed a bit differently.
-The flowers were glorious -especially the azaleas(sp?). They must love the climate(aargh!).
-Sunsets also were glorious -but unfortunately were hidden partially behind the ubiquitous stands of yellow pines on top of the endless series of ridges.
-I concluded that urban planning in Columbia was non-existent -palaces and shacks next door to each other, housing developments completed before the streets were put in, etc.- but hey, if it didn't bother them, it doesn't bother me.
-A lot of good people, at least among my contacts. Warm, pleasant, etc. Kind of hard to get close to some of them, if you weren't a native.
-Don't know about the gun laws, since I was out of the gun loop at the time.
as the Garden State, is like looking at
a mushroom cloud and thinking of vegetables?
Inquiring minds want to know.
JBB
I won't be wronged, I won't be insulted, and I won't be laid a hand on. I don't do these things to other people and I require the same from them.
If you yankees want to mention that here in NW Flarda, make sure your carry piece is cocked and locked.
I Refuse to be a VictimGrumpy old man
Where are you in LA? I grew up in Port St. Joe/Mexico Beach area(near Tyndall AFB, beside Panama City)
I'm not afraid of the dark...the dark is afraid of me!
1) Stay off the highways after a snowstorm, the demo derby season is still a few months away.
2) Up here if you smell corn mash it's not somebodies stil it's an ethanol plant.
3) Trailer homes have to be anchored down or they'll blow away with the first gentle 30mph breeze we have.
4) Our roads are not racetracks, racetracks have curves.
5) Your jacket is what we call a heavy shirt. Our jacket is what you call a parka.
I am on the Redneck Riveria (P'cola)
I Refuse to be a VictimGrumpy old man
I know us nothern people ARE NOT BUTT HOLES !! Lets stick together were one nation under God and proud of it!!