Joke..

turbo

A Marine Sgt Maj, was invited to a dress blues and bow tie event on the arrival of a new general to their post. He was setting at the bar enjoying a scotch and water when this lady approached him and Ask, what are all those medals on your uniform,, he told here it was the many places and battles he had been in "Mam". She said , how long you been in the service, he said 25 years "Mam" She said you seem to be very up tight sgt maj, when was the last time you had some sex, He relied 1955 "Mam" she said well damn, no sex since 1955 no wonder you are up tight, follow me and we will do something about that. They went into a bedroom and got in on hot and heavy for about an hour, and leaving the room she said for someone so up tight and not having sex since 1955 you sure didnt forget much, He said well I hope not it is only 2130 now,,

turbo

An old fellow was deaf in one ear and could barely hear out of the other one. One day he went completely deaf in his good ear..This concerned him so, that he went to see his Doctor who imediately examined what had been his good ear. The Doctor was amazed to find a suppository stuck in his patients ear, and upon extracting it, showed it to the old fellow, who promptly said, Oh, I just remembered were my hearing aid is.

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"The great object is that every man.... everyone who is able may have a gun." Patrick Henry

badboybob

Wow, that hearing aid was one mighty expensive suppository

turbo

This one is for dirty ole minds, but it isn't neccessarily dirty. Two gals are sitting ready to have their picture taken, and as the photographer was under the camera cover adjusting the lenses, one ole gal leans to the other and says, "Liza ,,, whats that man doin there?Hees getting ready to focus, replies Liza"You mean.. bofus"?? asks her friend.

badboybob

Too funny turbo. Ya recon they were both willing and eager?

daddo

Man comes home from church with two black eyes.His freind asked him what happened. "When we stood up to sing, I noticed the dress the women in front of me was wearing was stuck between her cheecks, so I reached over and pulled it out- thats when she turned and hit me."His friend then asked how he got the other black eye. "Well; the next time we stood up I thought I'd be nice and tuck it back in!"

turbo

Daddo, thats a funny one, wife got a good laugh.Depends what or how you read um that make funny. Hey, here is a brain teaser.Hope, I can tell it right.Three guys traveling thru this small town, decide to spend the night in the only hotel.So, they check in, and the clerk charges them $10.00 each. They all ante up and, clerk gives them the key and they head on up the stairs.Just as they are going upstairs, the owner of the hotel walks in an sees the newly arrived guests, and he says to the clerk, "What did you charge them", the clerk replies ten dollars each.The owner shakes his head and says to the clerk, "Thats to much give 'em back five dollars.So, the clerk gets five one dollar bills out of the till, and he thinks to himself, " you can't divide five dollars up equally between three people, so he pockets two dollars and then goes running up the stairs to catch these guys, just as they are entering the room he comes running up, and gives each man, a one dollar bill, and states "the owner told me to refund this back to you".They accept the bills and thank him, then enter into the room, clerk returns to his duties.Now here is the brain teaser part. If each man paid $10.00 each for the room, that means the total charge was $30.00.The clerk refunded each man a $1.00, For a total of $3.00, and when this amount is deducted from the $30.00 dollars ORIGINALLY PAID it leaves a total of $27.00 which was paid for the room, add the $2.00 the clerk pocketed and you come up with a total of $29.00.WHERE DID THE MISSING OTHER DOLLAR GO.[This message has been edited by turbo (edited 01-12-2002).][This message has been edited by turbo (edited 01-12-2002).]

turbo

Anybody figure out this brain teaser, yet?

twins

30 - 3 = 27 - 2 = 253 + 2 = 5 + 25 = 30I don't see it as a brain teaser I see it as manipulating the numbers and confusing one with inaccurate details, kinda like statistics.

jazz

Oh daddo......you funny!

thesupermonkey

30$ - 3$ = 27$27$ !!!-!!! 2$ = 25$You don't add the 2$.

turbo

Ok, so what one is saying is the the total paid for the room was $28.00 not $27.00, add the $2.00 and there is the $30.00???On on statistics, this field is loaded with mathematicians, I've always thought statistics was a pretty exact science. Hmmm.10 - 1 = 9 x 3 = 27 + 2 = 30??Round up 1 number?? OK.Now I understand how acheologists establish their timelines. Statistically speaking. Thats how they always can close there speal with "give or take xxxxxxxxx million years.[This message has been edited by turbo (edited 01-15-2002).]

daddo

If the cash register was empty when the men paid, then the register would have $30.00 in it. He then removed $5.00 which would leave $25.00 in the register. *Now- the clerk being the 4th man to get a dollar back makes $4.00 returned plus the extra dollar the clerk kept= $5.00, thus 30- 5= 25.00. Thats not right- anyone else got it?

thesupermonkey

Twins already nailed it before I could.Turbo manipulated the numbers incorrectly...You can't subtract the 3 dollars returned to the men, and then add the amount the clerk kept.

edharold

This one's been around since I was in high school, 40+ years ago. The confusion is all in the wording. There is no answer as the question is presented.

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"They that would give up liberty to obtain safety deserve neither liberty nor safety"Benj. Franklin, 1759

turbo

EdH, is the winner.The question is illogical.The problem not in the numbers.The money can be accounted for, 25 in till, 2 in the clerks pocket, 3 in the mens pockets.Initially, they did pay 10 each, didn't they?However, each of the men are out of pocket $9.666666 for the room. That is to say, if you want figure in the two dollars the clerk kept.Oh well..[This message has been edited by turbo (edited 01-15-2002).]

CAndres35

LADY WAS IN FRONT OF JUDGE FOR MANSLAUGHTER AND HE ASKED HER WHAT HAPPENED? SHE SAID HER HUSBAND HAD REMARKED TO SOMEONE IN HER HEARING THAT SHE WAS A TERRIBLE COOK SO SHE DECIDED TO FIX HIM AND SO SHE FED HIM SUPPER OF DOG FOOD. WHEN HE REMARKED IT WAS THE BEST MEAL SHE HAD EVER PREPARED SHE LOST IT AND BEAT HIM TO DEATH WITH AN IRON SKILLET.CARL

daddo

Man trained his two hunting dogs to bite the nutts of the racoons as they fell from the tree knowing the * wouldn't go anywhere afterwords. One day there was a * in a tree that couldn't be knocked down - so one of the hunters said he would climb up and knock it out. This was a big *, and after a while of trying to knock the * down- the man slipped and began to fall from the tree. On his way down he shouted- "SHOOT THE DOGS, SHOOT THE DOGS"!!.

boeboe

Okay, you are in the jungle that are inhabited by two tribes of natives, the Black Feet, who ALWAYS lie, and the White Feet, who ALWAYS tell the truth. You come apon three natives standing in a mud puddle, and you can't see what color feet they have. You ask the first native, "What color feet do you have?" and he says, "Umba Gumba", answering in his native tounge. You ask the second native, "What did he say?". The second native says, "He said he has black feet". You look at the third native and say, "Is that right?" and the third native says, "No, he said he has white feet".Which native(s) has White Feet, and which native(s) has Black Feet?

turbo

Good ones,Daddo's reminded me of...Two guys lived about 1 mile away from each other in the woods, one day one of them came running to tell his neighbor that he caught this bear breaking into his cabin and needed help cause he had treed, this bear not far away.And the neighbor advised him to get back down there an keep the bear treed, he would be there as soon as he could, with his bear dog, so 20 minutes later, he shows up carrying the stick, gun and a small dog who had a huge head and powerfull looking jaws, and a small puny little body, with skinny legs. So he hands the neighbor the dog and the gun, and says "I'm going up an when I knock the bear out the tree you sic the dog on im, she knows what to do, she'll grab him by the privvys and hold him till I come down, I'll fix this bear".So he starts climbing up the tree, about half way up, neighbor yells to him "hey, what do I do with the gun, "Oh Ya, I almost forgot, If'n I fall outta the tree shoot the dog"[This message has been edited by turbo (edited 01-16-2002).]

Gordian Blade

OK, I've got one for you guys. A bear woke up from hibernation during a temporary winter warm spell, walked south one mile, took a leak, walked east one mile, took a drink from a puddle of melted snow, walked north one mile, and went back to sleep in the same spot he woke up from. The question: What color was the bear?

gruntled

The second said the first said he had black feet. This is impossible since #1 would say white either way. So #2 is lying & therefore #1 & #3 are whitefeet.Melted snow at the North Pole?[This message has been edited by gruntled (edited 01-16-2002).]

boeboe

gruntled,Very good except for one thing. You were right about no one ever admiting they have black feet, everyone claims to have white feet, so you never really know about the first native. All you know is, really, he said he has white feet (as does everybody). He could have black or white feet.

thesupermonkey

GordianBlade,Polor Bear at the North Pole, right?

Gordian Blade

Gee, you guys are too smart. Must be all the hunting experience. Yes, it's a polar bear. The north pole is the only place on earth you can do a triangle like that. How did the snow melt? Global warming, of course!

.280 freak

One problem - Polar bears don't hibernate.Here a nit, there a nit, everywhere a nit to pick!

badboybob

Polar bears don't live at the north pole either.

gruntled

Boeboe: Agreed

turbo

At the risk of getting bood by politically correct crowd, Maybe the "Red Skins", could be renamed the "Blackfeet"Naah..

Gordian Blade

OK, OK, "Uncle." I said you guys were too smart. Don't forget that it's nearly impossible to walk directly for any distance along a great circle up there anyway.