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Kid Stories
nunn
Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,078 ******
A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a dead cat. She asked, "How do you know that it was dead?""Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently."You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise."You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."____________________________________________A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later...."Da-ad....""What?"I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?""No. You had your chance. Lights out."Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad.....""WHAT?""I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??""I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to spank you!!"Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad.....""WHAT!""When you come in to spank me, can you bring me a drink of water?"_____________________________________________An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into Heaven?"The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"_____________________________________________One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have tosleep in Daddy's room."A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."_____________________________________________It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastorleaned over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?"The little girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, "Yes, and my Mom says it's a * to iron."_____________________________________________When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into theshower. She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a baby growing in her tummy.""I know," she replied, "but what's growing in your butt?"_____________________________________________A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a * is seven. Three plus six, that son of a * is nine...."His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?"The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom.""And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked."Yes," he answered.Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?"The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a * is four?"After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest wasto find the most caring child.The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a differentcolor hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, "I know all aboutadoptions because I was adopted.""What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child."It means," said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."============================================As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in apark near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile. "Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged." "Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. "Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."==============================Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a partin a school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushedup to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mom," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: "I've been chosen to clap and cheer."=======================================An Eye Witness Account from New York City, on a cold day in December some years ago: A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?" "I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply.The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She thenasked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, anddried them with a towel.By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. Shetied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?" As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words: "Are you God's Wife?"=========================Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord![This message has been edited by nunn (edited 02-03-2002).]
Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose of the contest wasto find the most caring child.The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.When his mother asked him what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry."
Teacher Debbie Moon's first graders were discussing a picture of a family. One little boy in the picture had a differentcolor hair than the other family members. One child suggested that he was adopted. A little girl said, "I know all aboutadoptions because I was adopted.""What does it mean to be adopted?" asked another child."It means," said the girl, "that you grew in your mommy's heart instead of her tummy."
A four year old was at the pediatrician for a check up. As the doctor looked down her ears with an otoscope, he asked, "Do you think I'll find Big Bird in here?" The little girl stayed silent. Next, the doctor took a tongue depressor and looked down her throat. He asked, "Do you think I'll find the Cookie Monster down there?" Again, the little girl was silent. Then the doctor put a stethoscope to her chest. As he listened to her heart beat, he asked, "Do you think I'll hear Barney in there?" "Oh, no!" the little girl replied. "Jesus is in my heart. Barney's on my underpants."============================================As I was driving home from work one day, I stopped to watch a local Little League baseball game that was being played in apark near my home. As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was. "We're behind 14 to nothing," he answered with a smile. "Really," I said. "I have to say you don't look very discouraged." "Discouraged?" the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face. "Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet."==============================Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a partin a school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushedup to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mom," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: "I've been chosen to clap and cheer."=======================================An Eye Witness Account from New York City, on a cold day in December some years ago: A little boy about 10 years old was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold. A lady approached the boy and said, "My little fellow, why are you looking so earnestly in that window?" "I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes," was the boy's reply.The lady took him by the hand and went into the store and asked the clerk to get half a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She thenasked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her. She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, anddried them with a towel.By this time the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes. Shetied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, "No doubt, my little fellow, you feel more comfortable now?" As she turned to go, the astonished lad caught her by the hand, and looking up in her face, with tears in his eyes, answered the question with these words: "Are you God's Wife?"=========================Certified SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of the General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the premier gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net Jesus is Lord![This message has been edited by nunn (edited 02-03-2002).]
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If you can't fix it with a hammer, take it to a mechanic. will270win@aol.com ~Secret Select Society Of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets~
PC=BS[This message has been edited by badboybob (edited 02-03-2002).]