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Dating Dilemmas

Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
edited August 2002 in General Discussion
Is it disrespectful to date multiple people?
I was under the impression that dating is a NONCOMMITED relationship where two people spend time together and decide if they like each other enough to continue. Apparently my version of dating isn't the same as women's. I have been dating Ms. X for a few days and have started to really like her. She asked what I was doing Saturday, and I explained I was going out with a friend. She wanted to know all of the details, so rather than lie I told her I was going out with Ms. Y. Needless to say, this did not go over well. Earlier she had asked me if I wanted a relationship and I told her I just wasn't ready yet. I feel like it's none of Ms. X's business what I do, where I go, or who goes with me. Am I in the wrong? Am I obligated to explain myself if I've made it clear that I'm not ready for a relationship?
The Confused Mun... Seth


It's only overrated when it's readily available...
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Comments

  • William81William81 Member Posts: 25,471 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Honesty is always the best policy. If you told her you were not ready for a "relationship" then you were being honest and are not obligated to date only her.





    Guns only have two enemies: Rust and Liberals....
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  • E.WilliamsE.Williams Member Posts: 1,101 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    If you havent assumed titles you can see who you want to.

    Eric S. Williams
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  • dhdh Member Posts: 127 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    I wouldn't tell her anything about what I was doing,where I was going or who with.She sounds like she might be the possesive type.I dated a gal on our night shift,another on the day shift,and had a girlfriend who lived 20 miles away,none of whom knew about the others,for a while anyway.
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  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Dh,
    That's where you and I differ, if I wouldn't be dating others if I was in a committed relationship.


    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
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  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Also, am I obligated to tell Ms. Y I'm dating Ms. X?

    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
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  • E.WilliamsE.Williams Member Posts: 1,101 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Not unless you are carrying titles then full details come into play.Mrs.X sounds to be moving like a Hemi Cuda wanting a serious relationship after a few days seeing each other.

    Eric S. Williams
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  • tin22tin22 Member Posts: 731 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    This just my idea, but I thought dating was saying you were ready to share someone in your life. You are willing to get to know them on personal level, so you can see if you wanted to go farther with it. Maybe marriage or something in that manner. If you are not ready to be in something like that then you should not date. In some ways you ended up missing with a lot girls emotions. So you need to be sure that's what you want. If you don't want to be with her tell her why? Don't give her the cold shoulder, because it does not do anything but hurt the other person. Do right thing and sit down with her, and tell her why you don't want to date anymore. Honesty is best key. Even if we don't want to hear it. I always thought dating was like getting ready to find someone you want share your life with. To many people play around with it. It's not a game it's serious stuff. I think it's disrepectful to date multiple people. You need to make up your mind who you want. Stop playing around with these girl emotions. You are not doing anything but hurting yourself and them. Can you really say you feel good about dating two girls at same time. Look all stuff you have to do keep quiet, so the other will not know. Plus it's says something about your character.
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  • E.WilliamsE.Williams Member Posts: 1,101 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    You shoudnt date f your not ready to marry?How do you find the one you want to marry without dating around till you find it?


    Eric S. Williams
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  • 4GodandCountry4GodandCountry Member Posts: 3,968
    edited November -1
    As long as your not telling her shes the only one so you can take advantage of her, something no guy would ever do, and your up front and tell her you dont want a committed relationship you should be able to do what you want without hassles. If you don't want to get rid of her then you may consider an exclusive relationship just to see if she is the right girl.

    When Clinton left office they gave him a 21 gun salute. Its a damn shame they all missed....
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  • He DogHe Dog Member Posts: 51,593 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Munk, I mean Seth, It is no ones business but yours who you go out with, provided you have not committed yourself verbally or other wise. You are exactly right, dating is for exploring the potential of a relationship with some one, and of course for fun. Until you are somewhat more commited, who you spend time with is none of her business, and I would be leary of the 3rd degree.

    Given the STD stakes in sexual relationships these days, I think a person does have a right to know if you are also sleeping with others and to be able to choose to decline or opt out if they desire. Some one sleeping with you is also sleeping with everyone you have ever slept with and every one they have slept with and so on. It could be a very large number of people very, very quickly.

    You did well, until you gave in honestly to the third degree. All she was entitled to was: "It sounds great, but I am commited that evening, perhaps another?"

    A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
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  • timberbeasttimberbeast Member Posts: 1,738 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    When single, and by single, I mean not "going steady", or having a "best girl", I dated many girls at the same time. They all knew that I did. If they got mad, then that was up to them. Many of the girls that I dated also dated other guys. Its a dance. If a girl who you are not committed to has a problem with you dating other girls, she's insecure, she's "catty", or she's in love with you. Be careful with the latter, try not to hurt her. When you find the right one, you'll know it, and she'll know it. Love is FAR different than "dating around". In any case, always use protection if it gets to that point, and if something happens, even with protection, it's your responsibility. You wanna play, you gotta pay.
    Be honest. If you can't do that, then you're gonna have trouble!
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  • IconoclastIconoclast Member Posts: 10,515 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    SETH, BEWARE OF CONTROLLING WOMEN!!! Absent a commitment, as others have said, your answer is: "I have other plans, how about ________?"

    If it gets pushy, walk. Wish I had. Odds are very good my life would have been happier.
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  • competentonecompetentone Member Posts: 4,696 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Hey Seth,

    Could I have Ms. X's number--if she's cute?

    I see dating as a process of getting to know someone better with the idea of a potential longterm/lifetime commitment in mind.

    I've found that's an "old fashioned" idea not practiced by most in this "casual world". People date "just for fun" (and have sex the same way too without any thought to longterm commitment).

    Ms. X might be just the "too serious" type (like me!) that I'm looking for.
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  • dhdh Member Posts: 127 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Seth,who said anything about committed.Dating is a search for a possible lasting relationship.Once a mutual understanding is forged about your individual feelings and both parties are satisfied then you have a committed relationship.Your gal is trying to snap you up.I say slide on out of there "if" you feel pressured,it can only get worse.I haven't dated in 20 years so maybe I'm not one to offer a valid opinion but I still have eyes and I see things going on around me,like here at work.This place is like a living Peyton Place.
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  • dads-freeholddads-freehold Member Posts: 1,361 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    greetings, and here you see the basic flaw in assuming that every one sees things as we do. altho i don't believe you should toy with someone's emotions, and you should be totally up front when dating, let's face it, each is a learning experience. i dated a woman that was dating others and it isn't a rewarding pleasure. i lived with agirl that was dating others while sleeping with me and that was worse. i can say this that there are levels to dating and commitment and each person is on a different level, finding the one that is closest to your level is the best. i thing you were right to be up front with the girl but like tin-22 i believe you two have to sit down and discuss where you are and where you are going. respt submitted dads-freehold

    if your going to be a savage, be a headhunter
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  • NighthawkNighthawk Member Posts: 12,022 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Every man and women in most (not all)cases should Date several different people.That way when they meet that special someone they know it.I have heard of so many Marriages Breaking because one or both Partners didnt get the experience of Dateing other People.


    MY 2 cents

    Rugster


    Toujours Pret
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  • .280 freak.280 freak Member Posts: 1,942 ✭✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Munk..., er, I mean, Seth -

    About a year ago, you posted some pics of you and a cute young thang that I thought you referred to as "Mrs. Monkey".

    Is my memory faulty, or are you two no longer together?
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  • squeakycsqueakyc Member Posts: 204 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    If you're young and unattached and not ready to make a firm commitment to be in a monogamous relationship, date all the girls you want. If one girl doesn't like the idea of you seeing others, too bad move on to the next one. If your young get out there and have some fun before you settle down. When the time is right and you decide she's the right girl and you want an exclusive relationship then it would be wrong to date others. For now I say party hardy and have a great time.
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  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    competentone,
    You shameless self endorser!
    Yes she is cute...

    Don't have a pic of Ms. Y(or Ms. Z but that's another story)


    280,
    I thought it was going to work with Ms. Monkey. I thought it was eventually going to be "Mrs. Monkey" but things just don't work out sometimes.


    It's only overrated when it's readily available...

    Edited by - Seth K. Perumeony on 08/21/2002 13:51:04

    Edited by - Seth K. Perumeony on 08/21/2002 17:09:03
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  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Ps. Still waiting to hear from Blackroses on this one. Got her tied up in the basement or something Classic?

    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
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  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Lts,
    er? Eh? huh?!

    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
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  • cbxjeffcbxjeff Member Posts: 17,633 ✭✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    Lie to all of them. It worked for me for decades!

    cbxjeffIt's too late for me, save yourself.
    It's too late for me, save yourself.
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  • n/an/a Member Posts: 168,427 ✭
    edited November -1
    Seth... No I am not tied up in the basement.. *LOL... we were out all day today...

    This is where I disagree with tin22... If you are not in a committed relationship..then its quite all right to date two, three at time...How on earth are you going to find out who is "right" for you if not by dating?.. You really didnt owe the one an explanation of where you were going and with whom.. but at least you were honest with her...

    I have to ask.. did you have the girl's permission to post her pic?...I hope so, cause I would hate to be in your shoes if she didnt want it all over the net... *LOL...


    Lil' Stinker's Opinion
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  • Seth K. PerumeonySeth K. Perumeony Member Posts: 119 ✭✭✭
    edited November -1
    point taken,


    It's only overrated when it's readily available...
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  • offerorofferor Member Posts: 8,625 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    Dating is the process of seeing other people to find a mate. It takes more than a few days in most cases to "be in a relationship." Some people prefer a clear field when seeing someone, to make sure that person is emotionally available and not entangled in another relationship. But there is nothing wrong with casual dating more than one person on different days of the week if you are not seeing anyone in particular. Truth, when asked, is the best policy.

    The time to stop going out with other people, if you haven't done so before then, is when you start sleeping together. Sleeping together "bonds" people into a couple, and if you are not willing to be "bonded," be careful, because the other person may not be nearly as cool as you are about it. There is an old saying that makes all kinds of sense in the area of relationships: "We are as sick as our secrets." As a general rule, if you are keeping secrets from your partner, it's guaranteed that you're not being honest, isn't it? I don't buy the "all's fair" bull -- I'm not in the business of hurting other people, because I don't like getting hurt myself. This is the very best place to use the "Do unto others..." advice, if you ever will.

    - Life NRA Member
    "If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
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