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Serves them right
tajjn
Member Posts: 1,063 ✭✭✭
February 24, 2002From: President George W. BushTo: Liberal letter writerSubj: Adopt a Detainee ProgramRef: Your letter of January 29, 2002Dear Liberal letter writer;Thank you for your recent letter criticizing the treatment of the murderousTaliban and El Quaida detainees being held at our facility aboard theGuantanamo Bay Naval Base in Cuba. You win!That's right, you heard me correctly. You win. We give up! You have won!You will be pleased to learn that as a result of your many letters theadministration has decided to place one detainee under your exclusive care.His name is Omar Mushaat.Your detainee is scheduled to be delivered to your personal residencesometime after 2:00PM on Wednesday afternoon, February 27, 2002. Please beat home and ready to receive him at that prescribed time. The detainee isto be cared for pursuant to all of the "standards" you strongly recommendedin the letter of admonishment you sent to this office.It will be necessary that you hire your own caretakers with regard to thisendeavor. "Kind," "gentle," "warm-hearted" (your words) caregivers of yourchoice. We will, of course, be conducting weekly surprise inspections, attimes of our choice, just to be assured that your detainee is actually beingcared for in the manner you personally prescribed in your letter.His meal requirements are simple and should not be a problem (but, we dostrongly suggest using menus that do not require utensils of any type).While he does bite, at times, the rabies tests have proven to be "negative"so far for this particular detainee. He does still have a really bad caseof body lice that we have not been able to completely clear up, as yet.That little problem is now, of course, up to you to handle. IMPORTANT: Ifyou will remember, most of these people are sociopathic and very psychotic,so we do welcome your efforts to overcome that "attitudinal problem" withthe proposed method of humane counseling and home schooling that you saidthey should receive in order to turn them around to your very kindlyconcept of "democratic, loving, and civilized" manner of general behavior.In fact, your particular detainee could be a "test case." >Good luck withthat pursuit ...The one we are sending, Omar, is extremely proficient in hand-to-hand combatand can easily extinguish a human life with such simple items as a pencil, aballpoint pen, or even a light bulb for that matter. We do not suggest thatyou ask him to demonstrate any of these proficiencies at your next socialgathering.He also has the ability to make a variety of lethal bombs, and otherweapons, from common household products - so you may wish to keep thoseitems locked up (notwithstanding that it may conflict with your moral valuesor disrupt your daily routine. Also, it may give the "impression" that youdo not trust him. This could hurt his feelings).Please heed the large orange notice that is attached to your detainee'scage: "Does not play well with others!" It is extremely important that you,your spouse and your children all bear this in mind at all times! We willleave the key to his handcuffs with you. But - it is formally requestedthat you provide our handlers adequate time to get back in the truck anddepart the neighborhood before you actually take the cuffs off yourdetainee. This will better facilitate the handling of your new detainee"your way."Your detainee generally bathes quarterly, as is their custom, and, with thechange of seasons. This is all said with the assumption that it rains whereyou are, of course. He could wash his clothes simultaneously. That would besomewhat of a "perk" for you with regard to your monthly water bill.Be assured that your detainee absolutely loves pets of all kinds. Thisparticular one, Omar, is especially fond of cats and dogs. He prefers themroasted, but he can, and he will eat them prepared in just about any mannerat all.Okay, that's about it - the rest is entirely up to you! You take good careof your detainee now, ya' hear?Have a nice day, and God Bless America.Your humble servant,G. W. BushPresidentUnited States of America
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The second admendment GUARANTEES the other nine and the Constitution!