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Groucho-isms
nunn
Forums Admins, Member, Moderator Posts: 36,085 ******
Quips and quotes attributed to the late great Groucho Marx:
Here are some oft-quoted lines attributed to Groucho. Marx fans should note that some of these classics come from movies to which a variety of writers contributed.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?"
"Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning."
"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"A man is as young as the woman he feels."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!"
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"When I take a woman out to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
Woman: "I've never been so insulted in my life."
Groucho: "Well, it's early yet."
"Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?"
"I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One man for one woman was good for your grandmother. But who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody. Not even your grandfather!"
"Time wounds all heals."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
Here are some oft-quoted lines attributed to Groucho. Marx fans should note that some of these classics come from movies to which a variety of writers contributed.
"Marriage is a wonderful institution. But who wants to live in an institution?"
"Middle age is when you go to bed at night and hope you feel better in the morning. Old age is when you go to bed at night and hope you wake up in the morning."
"She got her good looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon."
"A man is as young as the woman he feels."
"Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot."
"Now there's a man with an open mind - you can feel the breeze from here!"
"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."
"Paying alimony is like feeding hay to a dead horse."
"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it."
"When I take a woman out to dinner, I expect her to look at my face. That's the price she has to pay."
"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury."
"Well, art is art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water! And East is East and West is West and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know."
Woman: "I've never been so insulted in my life."
Groucho: "Well, it's early yet."
"Why don't you bore a hole in yourself and let the sap run out?"
"I'm sick of these conventional marriages. One man for one woman was good for your grandmother. But who wants to marry your grandmother? Nobody. Not even your grandfather!"
"Time wounds all heals."
"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."
SIG pistol armorer/FFL Dealer/Full time Peace Officer, Moderator of General Discussion Board on Gunbroker. Visit www.gunbroker.com, the best gun auction site on the Net! Email davidnunn@texoma.net
Comments
Groucho, to lady contestant: "Congratulations madam, you've said the magic word and you win fifty dollars. Reach in my pocket and get your money.
Lady contestant, reaching around in Groucho's pocket: "Oh, I feel so silly."
Groucho: "Reach a little deeper and you'll feel nuts."
Lord Lowrider the LoquaciousMember:Secret Select Society of Suave Stylish Smoking Jackets She was only a fisherman's daughter,But when she saw my rod she reeled.
- Life NRA Member
"If cowardly & dishonorable men shoot unarmed men with army guns, the evil must be prevented by the penitentiary...and not by general deprivation of constitutional privilege." - Arkansas Supreme Court, 1878
Car sickness is the feeling you get when you send in the monthly payment.
(This is I think the correct quote, it has been quoted so many places it's hard to tell.)
Edited by - Gordian Blade on 08/14/2002 14:29:31
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand
Zeppo was not really interested in show business and was rarely seen in the films they made.
After his brothers had died or retired, Groucho had a TV Show called "You Bet Your Life." It was a very funny show.
Charlie
"It's the stuff dreams are made of Angel"NRA Certified Firearms InstructorMember: GOA, RKBA, NJSPBA, NJ area rep for the 2ndAMPD. njretcop@copmail.com
"It was like that when I got here".