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The Taliban Won!
smokepole
Member Posts: 34 ✭✭
FRENCH JUDGE GIVES TALIBAN WINAfghan Fighters' Artistic Impression Marks Mysteriously Higher Salt Lake City, Utah (SatireWire.com) - Despite making what most observers agreedwere "obvious technical errors," such as surrendering, the Taliban were awarded victoryin the Afghanistan war last night after the French judge said they won on presentation. The decision snatched triumph away from a U.S./U.K. pair who most agreed put on amagical, career-defining performance last month. It also stirred an immediatecontroversy, as analysts questioned how five judges - from France, Russia, China,Poland, and Ukraine - could have scored the Taliban higher than the American/Britishfighters. "When the Americans and British finished, I thought, 'That's it. They've won,'" saidAbdur Muhammed, a former Syrian general and now color commentator with Al Jazeera."But when I saw the scores last night, frankly, I was embarrassed for our profession." However, a defiant Marie-Reine Le Gougne, the French judge who marked the Taliban a5.9 out of a possible 6.0 for artistic impression, insisted the Afghan regime was muchmore eloquent. "Hiding in caves, fighting with inferior weapons, the maneuvers they attempted wereclearly more difficult," said Le Gougne. "And artistically, they were much more graceful,particularly with their hands." "But their hands primarily went up," responded CNN military color analyst GenWesley Clark.. "Yes, but they were very fluid movements," Le Gougne answered. That explanation only heightened calls for reform in warfare judging, and by today,pressure was mounting on the International Warfare Union to at least declare theU.S./U.K. duo as co-winners. Taliban leader Mullah Omar, however, defended the scoring. "I don't see what the debateis about," he said. "Victory goes to whomever pleases the judges. We fought beautifullyand deserved this win." While clearly devastated, U.S. Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld refused to be drawninto the debate. "War is subjective. It's judged," he said. "As soldiers we have to behappy that we did our best, and put this behind us." British Defence Secretary Geoff Hoon, however, hinted the U.K. may consider retiringfrom war. "When you work so hard to make your dreams come true, only to have themsnatched away like this, it's... it's disillusioning," said Hoon, as he buried his face in hishands. "I only hope our judges return the favor the next time France competes."
Comments
Don't worry about the bullet with your name on it, worry about the fragmentation grenade addressed 'To Occupant'.[This message has been edited by thesupermonkey (edited 02-25-2002).]